Great sunny day brought unexpected happy news!

Day three of warm and sunny weather here in Glasgow, Scotland which has been such a bonus as we have had such colder weather during the past two weeks whilst our kids were off school for their late Easter break!

Today felt like a summer’s day for us as we soaked up the sunshine and felt the heat! Some of us were dressed in shorts and t-shirts to feel the sun on our bare skin. I felt comfortable and warm enough to be just wearing a long sleeve top without a jacket yet I brought one with me. I walked to pick up Calvin from school to feel the sun hitting my face! I thoroughly enjoyed my leisurely walk by myself.

I felt the heat whilst sitting in the bus to head to our destination. I did some shopping with Calvin and I felt so happy to soak up our hot Glasgow sun.

As well as having our glorious sun with us for three days in a row, I received great unexpected news this afternoon which is another bonus.

I am feeling so happy and ready for new challenges and learning more skills.

Woo hoo! Well done me!

My shame culture

I heard my dad say to me and my sons,  many times,  don’t say that or do that because people will laugh at you!

What does it matter if others laugh at us for what we say or do? Why do we need to care about such unimportant and small detail?

There is so much more to life than be concerned about what others see in us!

I have come to the conclusion that if others laugh at me for something I said or did, it is merely a reflection of who and what they are,  their laughing at me is shame that has been passed onto them!

I no longer care about if others laugh at me for whatever I say or do because I am so busy having so much fun!

Laugh all you want!

I am laughing too, at having so much fun and life is meant to be fun!

The ability to bring people together

What is the one thing that brings families together for a chat, a catch up and offers them the time to bond?  Food!

It was some time since I had dinner with my dad so I invited him over last night to chat and had some time together.

My eldest son Cory expressed to me, after I asked him to pick up my dad, that he does not want to see my dad. I apologised and told him that I had not had dinner with my dad for some time and he didn’t need to talk to my dad as long as he greets him.

The dinner was simple with my home made vegetable soup yet it brought us together. My three sons, me, my dad and my number two son’s girlfriend Cherry. My mum was working so her absence made it so much quieter.

I had spent three hours cooking and making everyone’s favourite vegetable soup. It was all worth the effort to bring us together.

I love to cook from scratch and my dad rarely gets to eat my cooked dinners and last night was a great opportunity for him to join us.

Dad didn’t eat much yet it was the company of family and chatting to each other that was important even though my three sons had very little to say to dad. I had a good chat with him to catch up. He seemed happy and light hearted which is rare.

I have been used to eating dinner with family and since my big brother passed away suddenly, dinner times have become so lonely and quiet. Last night’s dinner was what I had longed for and miss so much. It was the noise, the company and the wider choice of food that felt warm, happy and priceless.

I even got the opportunity to organise a surprise with Cherry for Colin whilst washing up!

What a productive dinner it was!

 

In times of loneliness

I enjoy my own company and the silence that it brings, yet at times…..especially at meal times, I want company.

There was banter, natter, chatter and lots of noise at meal times before my big brother passed on. He was so talkative and cheery as we talked about anything and everything at meal times an any other times.

I got used to the noise at meal times back then and now meal times are so quiet and lonely due to the absence of big brother. We are now eating at different times and even eating different foods, unless I cook our different meals and serve them at the same time so that I get the company of eating with my sons.

Upon reflecting on this loneliness, I realised that I took for granted so many things from big brother whilst he was still here with us.

Life is short, very short and to take things for granted is my natural human behaviour as we were not taught to practice gratitude in my set up.

Something as small as having company for dinner is now so valuable to me. I cherish it so much nowadays that I make more of an effort to eat with my sons even though it means cooking different foods and serving them at the same time.

I know what I want and what I need to do to get it. It is merely a small price to pay to have company for meal times and it banishes my feelings of loneliness.

I have no issues with spending time alone any other time. I was brought up to eat meals with family and that has created a certain level of expectation for my inner child. She feels lonely whenever I am eating on my own. She misses the chatter and the noise of her family around her. She misses having the connection with her family as food brings people together, especially her family. She feels very sad that meal times has become so quiet and lonely nowadays.

Spring is sluggish this year

It’s still very cold for this time of year.

Temperature is sitting at single figures first thing in the morning.

Far too cold we say, as we are now in British Summer time yet where is Spring?

Why is it still so cold for this time of year?

We are still in need of scarfs, gloves and winter jackets to stay warm.

Children are being denied the fun of having the sun out shining on them as they play outside.

Adults are being denied of the opportunity to enjoy the warm sunshine too!

It is rather depressing to wake up to such cold temperatures and a dull sky with rain and we ask “Why are we being robbed of some warm weather?

We are all longing to walk outdoors to a blue sky, white clouds and feel the heat of the sun beaming down on our faces!

Degenerative changes in my left shouder

Just got back from seeing my doctor about the extreme pain on my left upper arm that’s been causing me so much pain since last September. I thought this pain was connected with my previous ongoing whiplash symptoms and received physiotherapy treatment. Yet, more than six months later, this pain is still continuing to hold me back from doing all the enjoyable things I did prior to my whiplash.

I saw a specialist last month,  that I saw in June last year regarding my whiplash symptoms and he concluded that my left arm pain is unconnected to my whiplash symptoms. His report was sent to my insurance company and things are moving forward to close this case. Thank goodness! It will be two years next month since I got the whiplash and to hear that I am finally recovered from it has lifted a tonne of weight off my mind, body and soul!

The specialist told me in his report from last month that my left shoulder pain are due to degenerative changes in shoulder tendons and an impingement syndrome. Whatever that means, it is certainly not whiplash symptoms!

 

Overwhelming yet making progress nonetheless

Life is hard, there’s no doubt about that!

Don’t ask for an easy life, ask for more skills. Jim Rohn

I have acquired many new skills during the past four years and ten months from working hard on myself consistently yet some days, I feel like taking a break, being lazy and just indulge in being idle. Some days, especially wet, rainy and depressing days, I give myself the permission to be idle and lazy. Yet I am NOT giving up on achieving my goals. I am merely just taking a well deserved break from working so hard on myself. We all deserve to slow down a bit and relax. To recharge and indulge in a little laziness is bliss!

Being a faired weather person has it’s disadvantages on working towards accomplishing my goals. Living in Scotland where we see wet, cold and rainy days more than sunshine and hot weather is my most challenging set back that I have learned to work with and towards success. Success to me, is merely to feel happy with what I have whilst I work on achieving my goals. I no longer think “I shall be happy when I get this and that”. I am living in the moment, in the present moment where I am feeling happy. I no longer tell myself “just be happy” because I feel happy. Happiness, to me is not being, it is a feeling.

I have been making tremendous progress since the beginning of 2016 and many emotions has come through and I have been feeling overwhelmed, scared and anxious yet it is to be expected with all the progress that I am making. Going into unknown territories has always brought with it fear and anxiety to us human beings. This is why so many people give up on their dreams, goals and ambitions as they do not have the required skills, tools, wisdom and knowledge to help them through the dark, scary and frightening times.

Fear is merely False Evidence Appearing Real when our inner voice tells us “you will never make it, it’s never going to work for you, you are useless, you are hopeless, you are stupid, you are a failure, you can never succeed, you are good for nothing, nobody has succeeded in this before so it doesn’t work, nobody does that, you don’t know how to do it, you dont’t have what it takes” and that voice goes on and on when we allow it to!

I have had days and nights of wanting to give up and what would that mean to me? I know I definitely have what it takes to get to where I have set myself up for. It just takes time, effort and consistent self discipline. It takes time to build a solid foundation in order to get to the top. I have spent some considerable amount of time building my foundation by investing daily time and effort on working hard on myself.  Now,  it is time to rise above all this overwhelming emotion that has come to visit because I have a solid foundation!

I am a doer. Doers never quit when they are hit with set backs because set backs are merely setting them up for greater, better and bigger things to come!

Dull, depressing rainy days’ impact

 

I am such a fair weathered person and have been since I was in my mid teens. Living in Scotland certainly does no favours for my seasonal affective disorder. I have tried so many natural methods to help boost my energy throughout the years and I think I have cracked it! I have found what really works for me and what has a negative impact on my energy levels and overall health.

Using my Brightspark lightbox from Lumie has been such a humoungous benefit since I purchased it in December 2014. I also use Lumie’s Body clock to wake up to in the winter mornings or else it would be a real fight to get myself out of bed in the freezing, dark and depressing mornings.

Our clocks went forward last weekend and although the days are now longer, we have had very little sunshine due to the rain and this is affecting my moods big time!

I binged on watching seven episodes of TVB drama yesterday which was bliss as Calvin was out with his eldest brother so I had all day to myself so I spoiled myself rotten!

I so wanted to go out for a walk and when I looked out our living room window and saw the drizzle, I was put off and back to watching more television.

I was more disciplined yesterday by not binging on simple carbs and made myself a smoothie and that kept me full for quite some time.

 

I then had a light snack of quinoa with strawberry yogurt to keep up with my protein intake.  Well done me!

Children are off school for the next two weeks for their Easter break and our weather forecast tells us that we are due rain everyday this coming week which is definitely not fair for the children.

I long to see the sun shining brightly with white clouds and blue sky!