I enjoy my own company and the silence that it brings, yet at times…..especially at meal times, I want company.

There was banter, natter, chatter and lots of noise at meal times before my big brother passed on. He was so talkative and cheery as we talked about anything and everything at meal times an any other times.

I got used to the noise at meal times back then and now meal times are so quiet and lonely due to the absence of big brother. We are now eating at different times and even eating different foods, unless I cook our different meals and serve them at the same time so that I get the company of eating with my sons.

Upon reflecting on this loneliness, I realised that I took for granted so many things from big brother whilst he was still here with us.

Life is short, very short and to take things for granted is my natural human behaviour as we were not taught to practice gratitude in my set up.

Something as small as having company for dinner is now so valuable to me. I cherish it so much nowadays that I make more of an effort to eat with my sons even though it means cooking different foods and serving them at the same time.

I know what I want and what I need to do to get it. It is merely a small price to pay to have company for meal times and it banishes my feelings of loneliness.

I have no issues with spending time alone any other time. I was brought up to eat meals with family and that has created a certain level of expectation for my inner child. She feels lonely whenever I am eating on my own. She misses the chatter and the noise of her family around her. She misses having the connection with her family as food brings people together, especially her family. She feels very sad that meal times has become so quiet and lonely nowadays.