Christmas Day after dinner, I am sitting on our living room couch, reflecting on my achievements. What have I achieved this year? What have I learned and gained this year? What am I grateful for this year?
This time last year, I was working as a housekeeper with a micro managing manager who was extremely abusive, controlling and manipulating. She was far too toxic to be around. Thankfully I left that job at the end of January this year. What a huge sigh of relief to no longer go into work each morning and to listen to your manager tell you that no matter how hard you work, no matter how responsible you are, no matter how much effort you put into your work, it is never ever good enough. I felt super hyper, excited and energised when I walked into work on a Monday morning and told this toxic manager that I was “firing her”! Woo hoo!
My next job was at a call centre, which was my first experience at a call centre and it was cold calling. I was eager to challenge myself to work in an office environment and learned that it was not my cup of coffee. I didn’t last there and thank goodness for that. It was a gargantuan blessing in disguise! Apparently this company was doing illegal things to their employees and I was saved when I was dismissed after five weeks! Hehe
My next job, which is my current one, began at the end of May. It was my first job as a server in over 15 years. It may not be my ideal job yet I get so much banter and fun with my colleagues. I get hugs from them and we are a great team. Having worked in an office environment and it didn’t suit me, this job is much more suitable for me because I get to talk to our customers, face to face. I get to be walking about instead of sitting down at a computer and that suits my “active, super hyper inner child”.
Career wise, I am still pursuing my public speaking goal by attending regular Toastmasters meetings. I completed my Competent Communication Manual in September and received my Advanced Manuals to further develop my public speaking skills. I came second in our club’s Table Topics Speech Contest also in September. I am in the process of applying to become a speaker at our local Tedx Talk in June next year. I want to step out of my comfort zone with my public speaking and expand. I am too comfortable at my local Toastmasters club and need new challenges! Hehe
On my personal life, I found my local Coda group in May to help me get onto the road to recovery and healing from my codependency. From attending regular meetings, I have gained a colossal amount of insights, knowledge and wisdom as to why I was set up to have unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic relationships. I am now able to recognise when I am being controlled, manipulated or abused by others. I am able to put up clear boundaries to protect myself from potential harm and pain. It has been excruciatingly painful to go through my past pains at Coda, where I was neglected, abandoned, abused and left in turmoil. The intense pains was absolutely necessary for me to go through to gain recovery and healing. There have been days this year where I thought of suicide due to the excruciating pain that I have been through from my dysfunctional family set up. I am grateful for my emotional intelligence otherwise I would probably be in hospital from self harm. The phrase “This too shall pass” has served me well. Thank you.
My most memorable moment this year was marrying my Aussie sweetheart in July, in Hong Kong. We had a wedding photo shoot which was paid for by his siblings. It was my dream and it came true because I asked. Planning, preparing and organising for our wedding required a tonne of help from hubby, hubby’s siblings, my cousins in Hong Kong and getting time off work. My mum, younger brother and his wife flew to Hong Kong for our wedding which was a blessing. Our wedding photo shoot was nowhere as glamorous as it is misled to be. I could not sit down in my choice of wedding dress at the studio. The wedding dress was ever so tight all over, I felt pain and discomfort throughout the photo shoot. Thank goodness the photographer was efficient and took less time with my wedding dress photos. I loved my choice of evening gown for our wedding photo shoot. It was extravagant, extremely comfortable and sexy!
Our big day turned out to be free of unexpected challenges. Sitting for two hours to have my make up and hair put up was my biggest challenge because this was my first and possibly my last! Haha The weather stayed dry for us until after our ceremony at the registrar office. I had no idea what to expect when we got to my new mother-in-law’s home. Our traditional Chinese rituals was time consuming and tiring. It was extremely demanding and noisy with so many bodies. I didn’t know who was who. The best thing about the rituals was receiving money in red envelopes! Hehe
Our “banquet” in the evening was a rather casual affair. The atmosphere was fun and the children present created childlike memories for us to keep. I even got to deliver an impromptu speech with much confidence when hubby passed me the mic after he delivered his speech with many ahs and ers because he’s not a Toastmaster! Haha
Our honeymoon was a simple trip to Cheung Chaw, an island by 30 minutes ferry from Hong Kong. It rained all day on our second day and spoiled our adventure. However, I thoroughly enjoyed our alone time to bond and create more fond memories. I fell in love with the view of the beach from our balcony. The heli pad outside was amazing!
Nurturing our LDR after our wedding has been challenging yet it has been delightful to know that we have a solid relationship foundation to fall back on. Our emotional intelligence between us has been a humongous bonus. We are still learning about each other and that can be both frustrating and fun. Our goal was to close this physical gap by the end of next year however, a major set back is holding us back. I was once told “set backs are setting us up for better things”, I am wondering what better things is coming our way from this major set back?
This year has given me more challenges to handle and deal with than last year. I have been emotionally drained from expanding and growing. Stepping out of my comfort zone on a consistent level has been ever so tiring, exhausting and I have gained more experiences and knowledge. I am most grateful for my local Coda group where I have learned a gargantuan load of things regarding my dysfunctional family set up.
I made an exceptionally tough decision to no longer attend family gatherings where my dad and younger brother would be present because their behaviours suck the happiness out of me as they have become far too toxic to be around for my health and well being. It broke my heart because I have always wanted to spend time with my family. I must do whatever I can to protect my happiness, health and well being.
There have been most of this year where I felt quite the loner due to me being very selective as to who I surround myself with. I went to the cinema for the first time on my own last month and thoroughly enjoyed the experience and craving to go on my own again! Hehe
I travelled to Sheffield last month on my own for my first Toastmasters Conference and that was a scary experience because I was going into the unknown on my own. The conference was a fantastic way for me to mingle with other Toastmasters from other areas in District 71. I got the opportunity to be interviewed by a radio presenter. Moira took me up to her room and conducted the interview in about 15 minutes. I felt like a celebrity! Hehe
I have come to realise that I no longer want to be surrounded with narcissistic people like Tony, whom I had spent some of my spare time with this year. I no longer enjoy the conversations with narcissistic people anymore. I enjoy intellectual conversations or any conversations to do with what I am interested or passionate about. The small talk, gossip, moaning, ranting and raving puts me to sleep. I love to connect with people and to relate to them. I love and enjoy friendships where we have many things in common. I rarely get what I crave in friendships and I would rather be a loner and lonely than be surrounded by people whom I do not enjoy their company with. I have learned to enjoy my own company since big brother passed away suddenly four years ago.
The last few days of 2017 shall be a more relaxed time for me to rest, recharge and plan ahead for 2018. My emotions have been consistently taken on a roller coaster ride this year due to my gargantuan, humongous and colossal personal growth. I am ever so proud of my accomplishments this year. I am ever so grateful to my Aussie hubby for being there as always to support me. He has been my rock! Thank you.
I am excited for the New Year. More challenges. More personal growth and more life experiences to be gained. More goals to achieve which is my “hobby”. I have many prepared speeches to plan, prepare and practice for Toastmasters. I plan to participate in our club’s Speech Contest due to take place in March to step out of my comfort zone and grow. I am looking forward to whatever 2018 has in store for me because I have what it takes to handle them! Hehe
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