Dear big brother
How are you? Where have you been to lately? Are you enjoying your travel adventures?
Did I tell you in my last letter to you that we are almost there with the court decree? It has taken around twenty months of going back and forth to my lawyer’s office to get this far. I feel exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally from all this drama. My lawyer sent me an email with an update on the situation, we shall get the decree within the next four weeks if everything goes smoothly. If not, we have more challenges and set backs to get through.
I have had an exceptionally challenging four weeks which started with my flu. I took two weekends off work and didn’t get sick pay which created more stress for me. Then one thing after another came at me at full speed. You know the saying “It never rains, it pours?” I had a relaxing time staying at home to recover from flu and thoroughly enjoyed doing less.
On a particular Tuesday when I felt fit enough to catch up on my tasks, I had suicidal thoughts come through which was scary, frightening and daunting. I felt anxious and scared. It felt like my depression had came back. I think staying at home for more than seven days straight created anxiety for me because I am such an extrovert who needs to be surrounded by people in order to feel energised.
I shared this frightening experience with my hubby and he was ever so supportive, gentle and understanding. I wish he was here physically to be my rock because I was feeling vulnerable and weak. I wish you were here physically to help me around the home with chores. I miss your help at home. I miss our banter and laughter.
It’s this time of year that creates sadness for me because it is almost your fifth anniversary.
We went to the crematorium yesterday, in the glorious sunshine and it felt warm and calm. Mum was crazy as ever. She forgot to bring matches or a lighter with her and startled the taxi driver when she announced this as we were approaching the crematorium. We were asking around for either a lighter or matches and mum saw a couple smoking so we approached them and got their lighter to use.
I did something for the first time last night at Toastmasters. I delivered my Pathways Icebreaker with no props or visual aids. I previously struggled with this. However, I think participating in Table Topics (impromptu speaking) regularly at Toastmasters and making my YouTube videos has built up my confidence to have my hands free. What a breakthrough! I felt exceedingly proud of myself and thoroughly enjoyed last night’s experience. I have finally developed the skills of having my hands free throughout a prepared speech to use them for more open hand gestures. I think this enhanced my speech last night. I did think about bringing the book “Friendfluence” into the speech as a prop. I decided to leave it out because it was not necessary nor did the content of the book have much of what I was covering in last night’s speech.
My speech evaluator Brett wrote in my printed Pathways evaluation form “Kit loves the stage”, I thought that was funny and definitely describes me to a tee! Hehe Brett has mentioned, along with a number of fellow Toastmasters that I have exceptionally strong vocal variety. I think this comes from speaking Hakka as it is more high pitched than Cantonese or English. I think Brett is making excellent progress since he joined Toastmasters. I shall make a point of giving him my own feedback on his evaluation for my speech.
I think I have found my second home. The stage. I remember visiting a fortune teller whilst I was recovering from my depression. She said my career was on stage. I immediately thought of performing on stage such as acting or singing. Never did I thought I belonged on the stage as a public speaker! Haha
Can you imagine you joining Toastmasters where you have an eager audience to listen to you talk about your general knowledge which was your forte? That would blow their socks off! Haha I would be showing you off to our fellow Toastmasters and tell them how proud I am of your general knowledge. Hehe
Here’s some photos of me from last night’s Pathways Icebreaker speech for you to admire! Hehe 
Nothing in my hands to allow me to use more hand gestures!
A rather blurry one yet this shows my confidence of using open hand gestures that I have developed and enhanced from participating in Table Topics and making all of those YouTube videos for my business!
This one is so funny because I look constipated here! Haha It shows my facial expression and my body language which enhances my speech. My mentee Ian took these photos so thank you to him for his efforts!
This is all for now big brother. Enjoy your travel adventures and the food! Hehe
With lots of love from your one and only crazy loud and proud sister xxx
kitlovesvincent88 