Archives for category: Achieving success

When was the last time you gave up a job that was having a huge impact on your health and well being?  What do you do when you know that the job you are in is causing far too much stress for you? How do you handle the stress and move forward? Or do you stay stagnant for fear of change and uncertainty?

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Four months into her employment as a supervisor, she left and this gave me every reason to question why? Why did our supervisor want to leave only four months into her employment. First red flag. Then more red flags came along as my days in my job passed.

On average, we spend a good part of our day at work, five days a  week, therefore it needs to serve us well otherwise we take the negative vibes with us and this affects our lives at home with the people who matter to us the most.

I have learned to walk away from whatever is not serving me well and leaving my last job was the most important thing I needed to do for myself. I knew that I would miss the girls and boy in my team yet I have learned to take care of number one and that is ME!  No one is here to take care of me for me, therefore it is up to me to take care of me for my health and well being.

There have been fun moments and lots of banter with my team and we work well together as a team yet our manager has been the major issue for us. We get no support that helps the team to strive to do better. We get no recognition for all the damn hard work we put in, in every shift. We get no positive feedback on how well we did. We got lots of destructive, soul destroying and shaming comments. We got lots of anger, toxicity and drama which is very draining for me. I could see our manager was reacting to what we did not do yet she neglected to see all the things that we did do and recognise us for those. I picked up so much toxicity and shame from her words. I also got her bluntness and rage at times. From what I learned over the past five and a half years from my personal development, I could see she was a very poor leader.

Having fun at work was one of the best ways to banish the negativity we got from our manager. Looking for solutions was another way to conquer all the challenges we faced on a daily basis. I learned how to be more productive with my valuable time and get more done, without the drama.

Being a housekeeper for a budget hotel has been most challenging and physically demanding for me since I left work at the Chinese take aways and restaurants many years ago.  My body is ageing even though I am feeling very young at heart. The physical demands of a housekeeper can only be known to those who have kicked ass each day as a housekeeper. Until someone has had the experience, one shall never know the daily challenges one faces. My team has no idea when we finish our shift due to the nature of our job. We do not know when our days off work shall be until we get our new rota for the upcoming week.  Our weekends are the the most gruelling times for us due to the high physical demands and high work load. We all really need the Monday off work to recover yet not all of us gets it due to the shortage of staff.

With the bad there is the good. As a housekeeper, I got to have my phone on me at all times. I had my upbeat music on at full blast to get me through my days of working on my own. To fill the silence, to pick me up and help me work faster. I would sing and dance to the music which was so much fun. I get to have my water with me and could snack on my protein bar whenever I felt hungry hit me. I could use the toilet without walking very far which was a huge bonus for me, as I remember having to walk “a mile” to use the toilet at my M&S job!

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I have had the opportunity to see from my own eyes how the company works and how the management deals with and handle their staff. Being told constantly that what we do is never good enough is soul destroying, destructive and drains us from our positive energy. I have been very fortunate to have had my five and a half years of personal development to deal with and handle whatever life throws at me,  in a constructive manner. I see red flags where there is something that just doesn’t feel quite on par to what I want from a job. I see who the good leaders are and who the weak leaders are. Giving us threats yet not following through with their words is definitely a sign of weakness. Saying one thing to us and doing another is also a sign of weakness. I could also see how productive our manager was and what she used her time on which was to me, also a sign of weakness. Checking up and sneaking up on us was a sure sign that she did not trust us and our capabilities. Shouting at us, talking down to us and swearing at us are all a sure sign of weakness. I had wondered at times during my employment, how on earth did she get the job and stay in it for so long as a manager?  I could see that she was micro-managing us when she put our names onto our caddies,  chemical bottles and toilet brushes. What a total waste of time to me! Surely she has more important tasks to complete than waste her valuable time on this stupid task???? It became so obvious to me that she was not one who focused on being productive!!!  There were a number of occasions where I could see that she lacked emotional intelligence and would react to whatever triggered her emotions and take it out on her staff.

Thank goodness from my personal development over the past five and a half years, I was able to put up clear boundaries with such a toxic manager and tell her what I would and would not tolerate. What I would be able to do physically and what I was unable to do. There is a limit to everything.  I put my foot down and stood up for myself because that is the best way to protect myself from unreasonable demands and abuse.

Why would anyone who is smart enough to know what they deserve  want to stay in a toxic environment at work and be abused?

You are fired stupid manager! Woo hoo!

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I had a dream last night which was so vivid, I felt like I was actually there. I was feeling all the raw emotions connected with me flying like a plane. Soaring into the bright blue sky, lifting up my arms, flapping energetically, kicking my legs with all the energy within me and reaching for freedom. Freedom to do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I want. That freedom was never possible until I began to search for my life purpose and set some goals that I wanted to achieve.

All my life, from a tender age, I was living life under other people’s control and I felt like a prisoner, locked up in her cell. First it was mum, who gave me huge responsibilities and task after task to complete each day. I felt robbed of my childhood, the happiest days of any child’s life. As I grew into my teenager years, I began to resent my mum and wanted to escape her controlling ways. I fled into what I thought would be a happier life, only to create the exact same thing. I had unconsciously set myself up to be controlled or I allowed others to control me because I was far too weak to say NO!

My freedom came to me when I took charge of my life, let go of toxic relationships, eliminated drama, turned my life around for the better and fantastic things became to come to me. I was finally free to do what I really wanted to do, whenever I want. I was finally free to be who I was born to be. I was living my life for me, not what others expected or wanted for me. I was learning to say NO!

I thoroughly enjoyed my freedom to come and go as I pleased. I thoroughly enjoyed my journey of self discovery and I learned so much about myself and about this beautiful world that was beyond believe!

I travelled to new places that I had never set foot onto with much anticipation. I picked up the travel bug and then passed it onto my youngest son, Calvin. He is now a plane spotter and knows a lot more about planes than I do, especially the Boeing 747.

In my dream last night, fear was telling me that I did not have what it takes to soar and fly into the bright blue sky. Yet, the courageous part of me, was telling fear that I shall do it even if I fall and sustain an injury or three. My courage brought me up into the cold air, as I kicked my legs and flapped my hands with as much energy as I could muster. I was feeling so liberated and free to enjoy the sights from above the ground and feeling the cold air, brushing against my whole body. The entire flying experience in my dream was the exact same thing I had experienced last year. It felt like I was reflecting on how much progress I had made last year and the universe was telling me, “This is what you are more than capable of Kit, so continue to soar high!”

I sensed that this dream was a sign. A sign telling me that I am to continue to soar in order to achieve my goals. A sign to tell me, no matter what hurdles and obstacles you come across Kit, you shall find a way to overcome each and every one of them!

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I shall continue to work hard and smart to soar as high as the sky!

 

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As the year 2016 is drawing to it’s end, I am taking time to reflect on my journey so far. What an amazing year of gargantuan growth it truly has been for me! I had created time to set big goals to achieve this year at the end of 2015. It was absolutely vital for me, to set big goals before the end of the year and this sets me up for success. Having eliminated all sorts of distractions in all shape and form last year, no more toxic relationships and drama from them, this year has been the most fruitful for me since I began my journey with personal development over five years ago.

I have had many sleepless nights, this year, tossing and turning from anxiety and a sense of fear of going into the unknown. There were nightmares some nights and other nights, there were weird and funny dreams. I have felt all sorts of fear big and small to get my hands on my goals. The most important ingredient has been no distractions unlike previous years. With my blinkers on, working on my goals has been so much easier this year. Many days, I have felt lonely and thank you to my days of solitude after my dearest big brother’s passing, I have learned to feel comfortable with enjoying my solitude. Being on my own, silent, still and quiet during my recovery and healing process from big brother’s very sudden passing has served me well. It was a blessing in disguise in more ways than one or two. I am ever grateful for my most challenging life experience.

Attending my weekly Toastmasters meetings, throwing myself into the different roles to take on, in order to gain my Competent Leadership Badge has been most rewarding and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of being on stage. Taking on the Toastmasters role was the most yet I felt the fear and did it anyway, gaining experience from it and allowing me to grow. I have delivered four prepared speeches, three of them were short notice because another member dropped out of their allocated slot, which meant that I had very little time to practice my prepared speech, yet I grabbed those opportunities to get myself out of my comfort zone. My prepared speeches did not need to be perfect. I no longer strive for perfection because it is very futile. All that was important to me was to enjoy my experience delivering my speech and gain more confidence.

I have been very fortunate to have found myself again, after losing a huge part of me after big brother’s very sudden passing. It took me a long time, yet I finally found myself again and I thoroughly enjoyed the whole journey of recovery and healing. It was a major struggle, yet those struggles were put in my life to help me to grow and learn. What doesn’t kill you certainly makes you stronger as Kelly Clarkson sang in her song Stronger!

Settling into my first job since big brother’s sudden passing has been the most challenging thing I have had to handle this year. Being out of work for almost three years, it took me quite a while to settle. Yet I embraced the challenges, found solutions, felt the fear and feared forward. I felt anxiety, trepidation and apprehension as I walked into my job each day during the beginning.  It was such a huge struggle both mentally and emotionally. The physical demands was also a huge stress factor. I would come home feeling like I had been run down by a bus!

Five months since I started my job, I have more than settled and made new friends with my team and they are becoming as crazy as me. I have influenced them in a great way! Hehe

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Visiting Hong Kong for the second time this October, was one of my biggest milestones this year. I embraced many fears and stepped out of my comfort zone. I finally learned to navigate the Hong Kong MTR, their Mass Transit Railway. I got the MTR by myself from Mongkok to our Airbnb in Sai Ying Pun after meeting an online friend for the first time. I got lost and it was such an adventure as I knew I was lost. I looked at the map at the station that I got off the MTR at, to find my way back to my destination. I stepped out of my comfort zone many times in Hong Kong this year. It was such a huge opportunity for me to grow and gain more confidence. I may not be an expert yet at travelling on the MTR, yet I can navigate my way around with ease and comfort. Thinking back on my last year’s visit, my first, how overwhelmed I had felt at being boxed in and squeezed in with my fellow passengers, I have made such amazing progress to be truly proud of. I get very claustrophobic in confined spaces and now I feel comfortable with having my fellow passengers in my face, literally! Haha   Buying breakfast each morning from our local cafe was another milestone for me. Thank goodness I could read their Chinese menu. That was less stressful for me. It was placing my order each day, from a different cafe that left me feeling very uncomfortable. Yet, I did it anyway to gain confidence and grow. It was nowhere near as scary as I had made up in my mind. Sweetheart was spending time with his immediate family in mainland China during our first weekend in Hong Kong which left me with Calvin all alone, fending for ourselves. It was a great opportunity for me to learn how to travel farther on the MTR, with the help from my personal Sat Nav. We thoroughly enjoyed riding the train, by First Class to Tai Po to meet with my mum and her sister Wendy. I felt no fear during that weekend as I was feeling very relaxed and calm. Calvin thoroughly enjoyed having his mum all to himself. I loved our quality bonding time together and the time spent with my mum and aunt Wendy. It felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity for me as it was my first time being in Hong Kong with my mum. Hehe

As this is my last post from 2016, I want to shout “Well done me for making such gargantuan progress this year and getting my hands on so many successes, big and small!” A huge thank you to my sweetheart for his continuous support and guidance.

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I saw something I had never seen before during this week’s Toastmasters meeting which was another opportunity for learning.

Our advanced speaker, Dee who is our founder of our club and the woman who never struggles to deliver her speeches, got stumped with a difficult question during Table Topics.  Our Table Topics Master and members were finding it rather funny and I was very intrigued.

For an advanced speaker to struggle to deliver their speech is something I have never witnessed and to see it in person showed me even the greatest have their challenges and struggles.

Dee said during her speech, “I am not doing very well with this question” which is one of the things we are taught NOT to say when we are struggling.

I saw Dee was composed and confident whilst she struggled to answer her question, which shows she has a solid foundation.

My second prepared speech which I delivered on this evening, mentioned the benefits of building a solid foundation.

I learned from my five years of personal development,  that in order to get what we want from life, we need to build a solid foundation.

I see who has a solid foundation and who is lacking it, merely from observing them whilst they are on stage at Toastmasters.

Many of them who came to Toastmasters at the beginning have not been committing to attending regular meetings due to their weak and fragile foundation.

It is our solid foundation that gets us through the toughest times and life’s set backs.

Without this key element, we crumble at the slightest hick up, set back and challenge that life throws at us.

We lack what it takes to get what we want from life without a solid foundation.

It is quite alright to struggle with life’s difficult questions, set backs, hick ups, challenges and traumas.

We have grit, resiliency, mental and emotional strength to help us through the crappy days where we could easily give up.

It is so much easier to give up in times of struggle. It is so much easier to say “oh why bother as this is so damn difficult”!

Things are difficult before they become easy. No one was born with the ability to walk, talk, run, read or write. We all had to learn those skills and each of those skills took time. It took more than a week or a month. Yet we finally got there.

The majority of people who struggle with life’s challenges give up because they lack the solid foundation to see them through their struggles.

Dee on the other hand, has come through many struggles to set up our now chartered club and her vision has given us, the members,  the strength to continue making consistent progress to achieve our goals within Toastmasters.

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Life is hard, there’s no doubt about that!

Don’t ask for an easy life, ask for more skills. Jim Rohn

I have acquired many new skills during the past four years and ten months from working hard on myself consistently yet some days, I feel like taking a break, being lazy and just indulge in being idle. Some days, especially wet, rainy and depressing days, I give myself the permission to be idle and lazy. Yet I am NOT giving up on achieving my goals. I am merely just taking a well deserved break from working so hard on myself. We all deserve to slow down a bit and relax. To recharge and indulge in a little laziness is bliss!

Being a faired weather person has it’s disadvantages on working towards accomplishing my goals. Living in Scotland where we see wet, cold and rainy days more than sunshine and hot weather is my most challenging set back that I have learned to work with and towards success. Success to me, is merely to feel happy with what I have whilst I work on achieving my goals. I no longer think “I shall be happy when I get this and that”. I am living in the moment, in the present moment where I am feeling happy. I no longer tell myself “just be happy” because I feel happy. Happiness, to me is not being, it is a feeling.

I have been making tremendous progress since the beginning of 2016 and many emotions has come through and I have been feeling overwhelmed, scared and anxious yet it is to be expected with all the progress that I am making. Going into unknown territories has always brought with it fear and anxiety to us human beings. This is why so many people give up on their dreams, goals and ambitions as they do not have the required skills, tools, wisdom and knowledge to help them through the dark, scary and frightening times.

Fear is merely False Evidence Appearing Real when our inner voice tells us “you will never make it, it’s never going to work for you, you are useless, you are hopeless, you are stupid, you are a failure, you can never succeed, you are good for nothing, nobody has succeeded in this before so it doesn’t work, nobody does that, you don’t know how to do it, you dont’t have what it takes” and that voice goes on and on when we allow it to!

I have had days and nights of wanting to give up and what would that mean to me? I know I definitely have what it takes to get to where I have set myself up for. It just takes time, effort and consistent self discipline. It takes time to build a solid foundation in order to get to the top. I have spent some considerable amount of time building my foundation by investing daily time and effort on working hard on myself.  Now,  it is time to rise above all this overwhelming emotion that has come to visit because I have a solid foundation!

I am a doer. Doers never quit when they are hit with set backs because set backs are merely setting them up for greater, better and bigger things to come!

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What does “success” mean to you? What images comes through your mind when you hear or see the word “success”?

My Culture

Talking to my Chinese friends in the past who have kids, they are mostly affected by the perception that their kids’ needs to get top marks in school in order to succeed as this brings honour to them. This is how we were brought up by our parents so it’s just being past on from one generation to the next. We are taught we need to be academically intelligent in order to succeed in life. Or is it we need to be academically intelligent in order to “look successful” to others?  In a culture where it’s ever so competitive back in my birth place of Hong Kong, children are pushed to the limit as to how much they learn, what is expected of them, what is the norm of striving to outdo our peers, we never felt loved as children from our parents and caregivers. Nor were we given the affection, unconditional love, healthy emotional attachment, praise and encouragement that helps a child to become a happy adult. There was so much shame attached to children who were less intelligent at home,  in the classroom and in society. Our parents shaming us, our teachers shaming us, our peers shaming us and then we would get more shaming in our adult life. We were never accepted for who and what we were because there was so much comparing from our parents first and foremost. Then we would be compared to our peers in class and it was more than enough to damage our self worth. Our parents valued our academic success much more than our happiness because if we failed at school, it brought shame to them and they could not handle that shame. So my conclusion was that we aimed to achieve whatever was expected of us in order to keep shame away from our family. It was never about us, the children. It was merely about the parents outdoing other parents when their children excelled in school as it was a competition for the parents. It became a competition to see who’s child could get to the top of the class, top of the exam, top of the year, top of university and then climb to the top of their career. So success was measured by what certificates one had their name on, what prizes one had, what awards one received and this brought success and fame to the family thus hiding the shame. As we enter the big wide and scary adult world, success was measured by the size of the house we lived in, the price of the car we drove, how much money we had to our name, what position we held in our job and how many people knew our name in society. Those who were less than intelligent at school were cast off and ignored because they brought shame to their family. For those who became business owners, then that itself was more than enough to propel them to a “celebrity status”

Boys versus Girls

Girls in my culture were treated with no respect due to what was passed on from one generation to the next. They were mostly denied of an education because girls get married, have children and take on the care taker role of care taking her husband, their children and his family so she did not need an education as much as boys do. I was one of those girls and it created so much hatred towards my mum who was controlling my life so that I was the “mother” to my younger brother. My mum wanted me to be a full time “mother” to Tony, my younger brother so that she could work full time. I wanted and longed to further my education yet with no support and encouragement from my parents, I abandoned that goal. Now that I am living my life for me and no one else, I have self educated myself in many ways, learning new skills and developing myself for personal growth. That is success to me because I am investing my time, money and continuous effort into my future and that is something I feel so proud of.

Success Leads to Power

I have come to learn that in my culture, from observing my own community over so many years, that people see success as owning the biggest house, driving the most expensive car, being their own boss running their own business, being famous for  having financial riches to their names, being popular in their community and thus having the power and status to lift them up. From what I have observed,  these people become ever so self centred, self absorbed, narcissistic and difficult to get along with because they have allowed their “success” to get to their heads. I have witnessed a number of these people pick fights with their family and staff which creates a huge distance between them because they have unresolved childhood issues that they are carrying around each day. I also witnessed and heard these same people shame others and bring them down in order to make themselves look better on the outside which is extremely toxic. Their success has created illnesses and diseases yet they are very unaware of what they are giving out to others. As they have the power due to their success, they are closed to what others have to say and they do not listen to others with the intent to understand. Their success hides their insecurities, fears, shame, vulnerabilities and they lose themselves to their success.

The Hidden Stuff

What I see lacking in so many of these successful people, due to them being born into dysfunctional families,  is a close relationship with their wife and children that offers happiness and contentment. From what I see and hear, there is clearly no connection or bond with their wife and children. They are so disconnected from their immediate family and they feel empty inside even though they are stable financially. There are a huge number of them who are addicted to gambling, smoking and alcohol to numb their emotional pain. They stay within their comfort zone because of their fear and shame. I have had a number of male friends and acquaintances tell me deep, intimate and personal problems that they have with their wife, family and themselves yet they have never spoken to anyone else about it due to fear and shame. There are many women from China who married a Chinese man from the United Kingdom who do not need to work because their husband runs a business and they are able to afford to keep the wife as a stay at home full time mum and carer. These Chinese women have no abilities to support themselves otherwise. They have no skills to get themselves a job in the UK nor do they speak English. To them, they are successful because they have a “rich” husband who runs his own business and they do not need to work a day in their lives.

Helicopter Parents

I see parents of my generation neglect to teach their children important life skills as they are becoming so much weaker and lack confidence to let go of being “helicopter parents” hovering over their children, not wanting them to get hurt at every cost. The focus is more on succeeding in class and life skills are so neglected that our younger generation are becoming incompetent at taking care of their own needs without their parents full time care. My nineteen year old son was taught how to get public transport into our city centre at the age of nine along with his then eleven year old brother, as they headed into their Saturday morning Chinese school lessons. It is here that I have witnessed so many “helicopter parents” from my culture who do everything for their teenage children who are about to enter college, university or search for a job. I am totally shocked to see and hear how much focus is placed on their children getting into the best university because Tom, Dick and Harry’s children are university graduates. Yet, these parents are not teaching their children simple life skills and the more important ones that sets them up for a more resilient adult life nor do they teach them how to take care of themselves.

Comparing

What one child achieves in his academics is his life, his choice and his business. It does not determine how successful he shall become from that academic success. He could become an alcoholic,  a drug addict, a sex addict, a sex offender or a compulsive gambler later on in his life from: being pushed so far in his early years, being born into a dysfunctional family and for having unresolved childhood issues that could possibly haunt him for life.  He could develop severe mental illnesses, anxiety, eating disorders, diabetes, skin conditions, heart disease and cancer from being denied the freedom to choose for himself his own career path and then the family suffers. I see people from my culture who love to compare what other people’s children are doing academically and they want their children to follow yet this is not respecting their children’s own choice of career.

Children’s Rights And Freedom To Choose

All children have the right and the freedom to choose for themselves what career path they want to pursue in. They find it rather daunting in their teen years as they search for a career path and they may not be ready to make a choice because their hormones are raging and their emotions are becoming irrational. They may lack the emotional support from their parents and thus they become stuck, lost and it can and does get overwhelming. Yet the pressure of having a vision and a better career choice than Tom, Dick and Harry’s children becomes too much for the teenagers. They do not want to disappoint their parents so they do what is expected of them without realising that they do have the freedom and the right to choose what it is that they want to do with their future career. They may even be trained to please their parents so they keep their preferred career choice to themselves as they are lacking the self confidence to speak their mind. So many children grow up into people pleasers due to their lack of self confidence in making choices for themselves because they are so scared of conflict, confrontations and upsetting their parents. They stand for nothing so they fall for everything.

Ignorance

Most parents from my Chinese friends have very little understanding about what their children want from their lives and with very little emotional support, therefore like myself, our dream career is never fulfilled. Our parents have no respect for what we want to do with our lives and they are controlling, selfish, ignorant and this creates more distance between parents and children. This has been passed on from generation to generation and in most Western countries, it is becoming a thing of the past, slowly yet surely. Children get no respect from their parents because their parents did the exact same thing to them. If a child expresses that he wants to pursue a certain career that his parents do not approve of, he shall be shamed and his dream of fulfilling that career shall be forever forgotten and abandoned. Many children have the potential to fulfill their dream careers yet with no support and encouragement from their parents, they feel they are merely existing for their parents and this creates ill health and diseases.

My Teenage Dream Career

When I was in second year of high school aged thirteen to fourteen, we were told to choose the subjects we wanted to study in third and four year and this was a crucial time for us as the chosen subjects would help us to get into the career we wanted. I wanted to become an air hostess (flight attendant) yet my English was below average due to me still catching up from coming to live in Scotland at aged eight with no English skills at all. I was falling behind with my Maths too and other subjects due to my below average English level so I lost my belief that I could succeed as an air hostess.  I knew I would be getting nowhere close to passing the exams to get me into my dream career so I had very little motivation to push myself to do better at school. I had no help, support and encouragement from my parents and I was too damaged to ask for help from my teachers in class to learn more. With no motivation, inspiration and stimulation, I just lost myself and I felt empty inside. I felt I was only living my life for my mum and younger brother, to care take their needs. Yet my needs, wants and desires were totally ignored and abandoned. My life seemed so unfair and I was feeling so sad and painful.

Set Yourself Free

In Shirley Smith’s book Set Yourself Free, each child takes on a role within the dysfunctional family,  “as they adapt to fill in the gaps and balance the system. They start to act out, unconsciously, what is repressed or unexpressed by their parents and they take on various roles and labels”. Each child from a dysfunctional family adapts to a role in their formative years and each role has its negative and positive aspects.

  1. Caretakers love to give because they are taking care of others.
  2. Heroes are the high achievers and they like responsibility.
  3. Lost children avoid conflict so they stay out of the way, they have a very vivid imagination and are great with fantasy.
  4. Mascots are best at relieving tension thus making others feel good and they have a talent at decreasing emotional explosions.
  5. Surrogate spouse is a great listener and have difficulty with intimacy so they feel engulfed when close to another.
  6. Scapegoats takes the blame for the family by acting out the unexpressed conflicts.

In order to become the real me, Shirley Smith advises us that we shed our childhood role so that we “set ourselves free” of our childhood issues. Then and only then do we feel relieved and free to be who and what we were born to become. When we set ourselves free, we shall feel a huge depth of positivity, a surge of amazing energy just like when we were little kids and we gain much clarity as to what we want to do with our lives. We are then free to live our lives as true and as authentic to ourselves as we want and attract all positive things to us in abundance. This is vital to living a higher quality of life which is what one needs to feel happiness for better health.

My New found Freedom

After reading Set Yourself Free at the beginning of last year and continuing to make great progress, I felt I was finally free to choose my desired career path and pursue it with much motivation and trust. I believed in my skills, abilities and experiences to get me into my chosen career. Yet, there was more hurdles to overcome and it was difficult yet never impossible. I searched and I asked then I finally found what I needed to do to become a public speaker. I attended a Toastmasters meeting in our city for a few weeks to decide if it was suitable for me. To my amazement, I witnessed so many people in the same position as me at the meeting as they took to the stage and gave their speeches. I knew that I would grow and evolve with this group of amazing people who would be able to support me to become a public speaker. Having had a few conversations with the members at Toastmasters over the past few weeks, I felt comfortable and I decided to join as a member.

Make Everyday a School Day

As adults, we have a tendency to stop learning once we finish our formal education and this is the major mistakes that the majority of us make. We put the focus on our job, money, holidays, family and get distracted from the daily challenges of life. I was stuck in a deep rut over four years ago, with no vision of what was ahead for my career and life in general because I too, had stopped learning. My curiosity for answers halted along with my vision for what I wanted from my life and career. I thought life was so difficult and it seemed so unfair for me as I was getting nowhere. Then I was fortunate to be introduced to personal development from a business opportunity in June 2011. That was the year which became a huge turning point for me and I was surprised at what I could do to attract what I wanted. I learned from the late motivational speaker, author and entrepreneur Jim Rohn to “Take Charge of My Life”. I learned to turn my lack of motivation to becoming better instead of bitter and I was on my way to a magical journey to self discovery. I set goals and had a vision for the very first time of what I really wanted from my life.

The best money you can spend is money invested in your self education. Don’t short change yourself when it comes to investing in your own better future. Jim Rohn

 

Taking full responsibility for what I receive from life

I learned from my self education in the past few years that I was blaming others for the way my life had turned out, for the way others had treated me, for what my parents did not teach me, for what my parents did to neglect me, abandon me and for everything that I did not get yet I had long to have. All this blaming was creating so much illness for me, my health and overall well being was affected immensely. This toxic way of thinking was draining, tiresome and created a huge distance between me and my true authentic self. I was losing myself and I became very sick mentally and physically. As I learned to let go of the blaming and began to take full responsibility for how my life turned out, I felt my health getting better and stronger. I felt so much happier and more at peace from within. I began to attract what I wanted from my life and what I no longer wanted was slowly disappearing.

Achieving smart goals

I loved the journey to achieving my goals because I was enjoying having a vision.  It was the journey to reaching my goals that was more enjoyable than the final destination of accomplishing those goals. It is what I needed to become to achieve my goals that I valued more than reaching the goal itself. That’s what I learned from my journey with personal development. Many people neglect to enjoy their journey to success which is an adventure in itself and it creates so many priceless memories. Having written goals in all areas of my life for the first time,  gave me clarity as to where I was heading and I had never felt that certain of myself and my abilities until then. I have many stories to tell about setting smart goals and achieving them. I failed many times and I learned from every set back. Some set backs set me up for bigger and better things to come. Other set backs were placed in my way for me to learn and make improvements. I learned from some set backs that the goal was not for me so I moved onto better and bigger things.

The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get. Jim Rohn

What Lies Ahead

I have learned from my continuous journey with personal development that action taken daily equals to success. Success is in the work we do on a daily basis that accumulates to it. It takes more than one day to build an empire, it takes more than one day to build good habits in order to gain success. There are many skills required to obtain success that I was never taught at home or at school. Yet, I taught myself over the past four and a half years from investing in the time and effort each day in my self education. It has been a journey of pain, sweat, blood and tears and some loses as well as some memorable gains along the way. That is what I loved about self developing. We have many stories to tell and share with others on our adventures to achieving success. I am enjoying every day as I keep my eyes on the prize and focus on accomplishing my goals.

Blinkers On

I learned a very valuable lesson a few years ago from a weekend training event in Birmingham, England. I was sitting at the front of the room, listening and taking notes to our speaker from America who had failed terribly yet he picked himself back up and focused on his goals. He told us of how he had put the blinkers on and forged his way ahead to get to where he was at on that day when he was on stage. He spoke in length about values and attitude which he said was vital to success and I have come to agree with him very much. He also said that we need to make tough decisions in order to grow and expand out of our comfort zone. If we never make any progress with our lives, we shall never be happy from our own accomplishments. Making progress is more valuable than buying materialistic things to fulfill our need to shop and spend.

Eliminate Major Distractions

I value my friends a lot yet I am very aware of what they are giving out and where they have me heading and talking about. We become the first five people we spend most of our time with so we must evaluate them from time to time. I have eliminated one of my close friends who had become very toxic over a period of two years and that was one of the toughest decisions I ever made for my personal growth. I was getting too much drama and negative vibes from this close friend which distracted me from achieving my goals. Our friendship lasted over eight years and during that time, her two kids had bonded very well with Calvin, my youngest son and it broke my heart to tell Calvin that he could no longer be friends with his two closest friends that he had known since he was a baby. With no more drama and distractions from friends and little from family, I was free to concentrate on working towards my goals.

Loneliness

As I continued to work on accomplishing my goals, my life had become rather lonely and it was my choice. I no longer wanted to listen to any gossip or drama from friends and this was just what is required for my achievements. I found being in my own company every day to be rather peaceful and enjoyable. I have been surrounded by children and family all my life, taking care of their needs which meant I was neglecting to take care of my own needs so this is the first time in my entire life that I am now able to focus entirely on meeting my needs, wants and desires. There has been times where I long to belong to a group, a community and to fulfill my potential. I searched and asked then the universe came to my aid and it placed me in touch with a charity shop so I could work there one day a week as a volunteer. It has been so enjoyable and I am grateful to be able to give my time to a well deserved cause and meet new people.

Happiness is Success

Are you happy with where you are at, with whatever you have yet have a desire to work on yourself to attract more into your life? Do you long to be someone else? Do you long to escape the life that you are currently in? Do you long to have a better life?  Do you want every struggle in your life to disappear?  We are all creating something for ourselves each day and it is our attitude to what we do with life’s hurdles that determines our happiness. We can blame x, y and z for the way our life has turned out yet where does that get us? Taking full responsibility and ownership for the choices we make in our daily lives is what gets us towards success and happiness then follows. I have had many friends and acquaintances tell me that others are to blame for what life has been giving them yet they did not take any responsibilities for what they chose for themselves. We all have a choice about how our life turns out. I choose happiness each day because it benefits my health immensely. We can all learn to become better instead of being bitter. Bitterness is toxic and creates many illnesses and diseases. Letting go of all bitterness for our own happiness and contentment leads to success. Success is not entirely determined by financial riches. We could be rich in money yet poor in attitude and values. We could be rich in money yet poor in health. We could be rich in money yet poor in happiness. I have met many people who are happy because they know that they do not need money in order to be successful.

Focus on the Positives

Have you ever noticed that happy people are much more successful?  They attract more of what they want from their lives because they give out positive vibes. They get back what they give out, multiplied. They are much more healthier, more energetic and are the motivators and people are more attracted to them wherever they go. The are inspirational, their energy and positivity is contagious and these are the people you really want to surround yourself with. They have a positive mental attitude and nothing brings them down for long. They always learn from every negative situation that challenges them and they move forward faster than sad people.  They never say “why me” or have a “victim” mentality because they are taking full responsibility for whatever happens to them.

Lasting Effect

Have you ever had such a huge impact on someone where you are their inspiration? That is success to me. I have had one such friend whom I got to know on a social network site. Yet sadly, our friendship was a very short and brief one. I got to know that this friend brought out the best in others no matter where he was or what he was doing. He was full of support, encouragement and praise and still had fun with life. He came into my life during the darkest time back in November 2013 when I lost my big brother to a very sudden death to unknown causes. I was at my weakest and he lifted me up by sending me massages each day to cheer me up. It was like opening to a Christmas present each morning as I woke up. He was there to chat with me and listen with the intent to understand. We had so much fun and we built a bond as we could relate to each other’s struggles. He left a legacy behind as so many people that knew him was heartbroken by his early and tragic death. I have a very special place in my heart for him and I shall remember the words he told me about happiness. He said to me through a quote “never put the keys to your happiness in anyone else’s pocket“!  How true!  Our happiness depends on what we do, how we respond to life and what progress we make.

Tony Robbins and Jim Rohn

My sweetheart attended a Tony Robbins seminar in April 2015 and he told me that Tony had said “make progress for happiness”!  I totally agree with Tony. I see so many adults stop learning and stop making progress after their formal education and they wonder why life is so difficult. Life is difficult because we lack the skills to get us through life’s struggles and hurdles. Jim Rohn, my mentor said “Don’t ask for an easy life, ask for more skills”.

Success is everything. Success is to survive. Success is to flourish in every part of your life. Jim Rohn

 

 The importance of a vision for what we want from life

What do you want from life Kit?  I was asked this when I attended a private personal development course back in June 2012 in Edinburgh, Scotland. This was the first time I heard anyone ask me what I wanted from my life and it helped me to gain clarity as to where I want to be and what I wanted to become. The group in this course was taught the importance of having clarity as to what we wanted from life. We become stagnant in life when we no longer have a vision as to where we are heading and what we are becoming. We remain in our comfort zone and never growing or expanding as we feel so comfortable doing the same thing day in, day out which creates a very low quality of life. We all made a vision board of what we wanted from our life, from our holidays to where we wanted to live to what career we wanted to have and to what sort of relationship we wanted to attract to us. I attracted my first Hong Kong holiday last year from this vision board. I made several vision boards after this personal development course for what I wanted as I learned how powerful vision boards are and all of those visions came through. My most magical vision was flying to Sydney to see “it’s famous landmarks” as I had wrote it onto my bucket list after reading “The Key To Living The Law of Attraction” by Jack Canfield in 2012. My “dream” came true last June as I flew to Sydney with Calvin, my ten year old son for over three weeks and it was the best holiday I had ever experienced yet! I picked up the travel bug from this fun filled holiday as we flew to Hong Kong for ten days straight after our Sydney adventure. Calvin also picked up the travel bug and learned so much from his first ever adventure up in the sky!

My conclusion

Success to me, is to feel happy and content from within yet to have a vision for what I want for my life. To work hard and consistently to achieve my vision. To have goals, ambitions and an appetite for acquiring new skills and knowledge to expand and grow. To travel to new heights and adventures as I step out of my comfort zone for personal growth. To inspire and motivate myself and others to fulfill their goals. To bring out the best in myself and others as I want to leave a legacy behind before I pass on. To help others whenever I am able in any way I can and to share with others what I gained and learned from my journey to achieving success. To have compassion and empathy for myself and others and to accept that we all make mistakes and to learn from them. To continually make progress in my life for happiness and self development. To stretch myself to get where I want to be and who I want to become in one year, three years, five years and ten years time. To keep my eyes on the prize and have the blinkers on whilst working on accomplishing my goals. Most importantly, to make continuous progress for a higher quality of life.

If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them, everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. Michael Jordan