Summer 2019 update for my dearest big brother

Dear big brother

I am so sorry for keeping you waiting for my update. I have had such a productive year so far and I feel so fucking proud of all of my achievements this year!

At the beginning of the year, I started working with my website designer Stuart whom I got a recommendation from Facebook. He has helped me to create a logo for my business Facebook page. I have been consistently posting on the page as I want to build up my life coaching business, one step at a time. The logo took around three months to complete. It was many emails back and forth with Stuart. My patience was pushed to it’s limits! Hehe

As usual January and February are always a drag for us due to the long winter nights. March was so much welcomed. We have had a mild winter so we have been ever so fortunate.

In May I attended my third Toastmasters District 71 Conference. This was my best yet. why? I was much more comfortable talking to fellow Toastmasters who were from outside of my home club. I volunteered to step onto the big stage, talking about the benefits I have reaped from joining Toastmasters. The hundreds of faces staring back at me didn’t phase me one bit. I was at home on that big stage because I love being there and I feel alive whenever I speak in front of an audience. I got to hold a big black microphone which was thrilling!

June flew by and Calvin received his second high school award. Here it is!  I know you are proud of Calvin and smiling your big handsome smile saying “That’s my smartypants nephew Calvin alright!” Hehe

July and August was holiday fun time for Calvin, Vincent, Charles (Vincent’s nephew) and myself. Our flight was delayed on the tarmac at Glasgow Airport for an hour and a half. It was torture sitting on my ass without the freedom to go to take a piss! ARRRRGGGHHHH!

The great news this year was we had Emirates luxurious and spacious A380 come to Glasgow so we were in heaven with more space and more luxury.   Calvin and I were happier than Larry!

Our two weeks stay in Hong Kong was full of challenges. From the ongoing protests due to the now scrapped Extradition Bill to me getting inflammation of the bowels. I was left feeling absolutely exhausted and was in bed recovering for four days. Thankfully Vincent was very attentive to taking care of me. He was left with doing all the running around to get me more digestible food from his mum’s and buying me the necessities. We managed to take Calvin and Charles to my inner child’s favourite place, Ocean Park for a day of fun in the intense heat. It was physically demanding and challenging. I thoroughly enjoyed our cable car ride as always. The aerial view is simply the best!

I attended a Toastmasters meeting in Admiralty with the help of Vincent’s navigation. I would have struggled to find my way there without Vincent’s help. He’s my rock!

Vincent’s younger brother Ah Cheung’s wedding was a massive affair. It was exhausting being surrounded by his big family. I felt so claustrophobic when we were at his mum’s for the Chinese rituals which was tiresome and long winded.

The wedding reception was seventeen tables big, overlooking Victoria Harbour. The food was delicious when it was finally served almost after 9pm. I was about to die from starvation! It was torture!

Flying to Sydney was a huge struggle due to the fears from the protests in Hong Kong. We got stuck in traffic heading to the airport from Vincent’s mum’s.  Calvin was exceptionally scared and this put more stress onto me.

This has been a regular scene in Hong Kong since the protests began in June. I was glad to leave for Sydney when we did. Then something happened that shocked Hong Kong and it still shocks me. On the night of Sunday 21st July, the night we flew to Sydney, a group of men wearing white t-shirts holding sticks and batons, randomly attacked passengers in the Yuen Long MTR. When I settled in Sydney and saw this incident on the news, I was hurt and in intense pain for the Hong Kong people.

Our three weeks in Sydney was totally worth all the pain and fear. I achieved many goals and overcame many hurdles. Vincent was challenged by me about his exceptionally poor time management and I brought this up during a much needed family meeting. We had challenges with keeping Charles within the boundaries that was functional and healthy for all of us. He is such a super hyper extrovert, completely different to Calvin. I had no issues with getting along with Charles. Vincent struggled because he doesn’t have kids and had challenges bonding with Charles.

We had sunshine almost everyday in Sydney which meant one thing and one thing only. It was beach weather!

McDonald’s by the beach!

I finally climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge with Calvin and Charles. Vincent was too scared to do it! Chicken! Would you climb it with me?

Do you feel my happiness in this priceless photo? The safety procedures and equipment was well thought of due to the potential dangers of dropping anything onto the road below the bridge. We were not allowed to bring any personal belongings with us. My glassed were attached to my boiler suit with a sturdy strap. We were supplied with handkerchiefs attached to our boiler suits so they would not drop down onto the road. On our waist, we had a fleece attached to our boiler suit. It felt heavy and I looked like a worker cleaning windows high up in the sky! Haha

I had such a breathtaking time climbing the iconic bridge which left me in awe. The catwalk at the beginning was tight and claustrophobic for me. This was the most uncomfortable part of the climb. As soon as we were climbing up the steps going onto the bridge, it became so much easier.

It was nothing like hiking or going for a walk outdoors. It was most leisurely and slow. We stopped regularly to soak in the sun and sights. We got information from our guide about the specific history of each sight around the harbour. It was like a history lesson, only up high on the bridge.

Looking down onto the harbour and seeing the cruise ship being pulled out by a tiny boat was out of this world. We stood for around twenty minutes soaking up the sights when we reached the summit of the bridge.

We stopped three times to have our photos taken by our female guide who was friendly and chatty. We got the bonus of seeing the sun set because we were the last afternoon climbers. The sun disappeared at the blink of an eye and left me totally speechless. That’s not often! Haha

I saw Luna Park lit up in it’s glory when the sun set and it was stunning, beautiful and attractive. Before our descent, we stood for around ten to fifteen minutes to admire the early night sky. Looking down during the entire climb was exciting. I thought it would be scary and frightening to look down whilst climbing the bridge. How deceiving were my thoughts!

The descent was ten times faster than our climb because we didn’t stop. I was buzzing when we got our feet back onto the ground. I was super hyper and full of energy. I wanted to scream to the world that I had finally climbed Sydney Harbour Bridge to it’s summit!  When I told the locals that I had climbed the Harbour Bridge, they said I was crazy! My perspective on life has shifted so much since I climbed the Harbour Bridge and I finally ticked it off my bucket list! Woo Hoo! Well done me!

The rest of our stay in Sydney was fun, enjoyable and pleasant. I delivered a Toastmasters speech at Hurtsville. Vincent helped me to create slides and he operated my slides for me on the night because my clicker failed to work.

Vincent went back to work on the last Tuesday of our holiday. I took the boys to have lunch with him on Tuesday. It was great bonding time. Vincent took the last Thursday off to spend more time with us. We headed to Coogee Beach with the boys because that’s where they wanted to go. Calvin loves to dig sand at the beach whilst Charles does anything to keep himself entertained.

Our last Friday in Sydney was memorable for me because I got to meet Victoria, who is one of the only females at Vincent’s work. She was ever so chatty I could barely get a word in! Oh dear! I took Charles to Hyde Park for a walk before we went back to our Airbnb.  It took me less time than I thought to pack and I was surprised and shocked. We were almost at our limit for 60kg allowance and our carry on were also at their limit. We had bought lots of gifts and it drained our allowance. This is the most challenging part of packing.

I took the boys to Chinatown’s night market before we flew back to Hong Kong to drop Charles back home. Vincent met us at Chinatown. We had lots of fun and it was sweet memories we created that will be with me forever. I got an email from Emirates informing me of a possible upgrade to Business Class. When Calvin heard of this, he was super hyper and asked his Papa for an upgrade because it was a dream of his to fly Business Class with Emirates.

With a bit of coxing and persuading, Calvin got what he wanted and Vincent paid for our upgrade from Dubai to Glasgow. I was shocked and surprised that Vincent paid over £900 for our Business Class upgrade!  Calvin watched YouTube videos of Emirates Business Class flights almost the entire night.

Flying back to Hong Kong had it’s challenges because Charles and Vincent were both dilly dallying. Calvin and I were more than eager to get to the airport because we had fears of the scheduled airport sit in protests which heightened my emotions. I snapped at Vincent for having no sense of urgency to get to the airport. He just ignored me! So typical of him and his laid back attitude!

Our fair well was emotional as it always is. Boo! Calvin was more than ready to fly home and was super excited about his Business Class experience. The flight from Sydney to Hong Kong was challenging because Charles was noisy and chatty at the beginning until Calvin told him to be quiet and leave him alone. We were greeted with a flood of young people at Hong Kong Airport arrivals who were protesting when we landed. It was overwhelming and I felt claustrophobic!

I have never ever seen so many people at Hong Kong Airport. It was such a shock! At this point I was more than ready to fly home and I wished we could have boarded our flight back to Glasgow from here, after what I witnessed.

We stayed the night at my mother in law’s. Tina joined us at the airport and made sure we got our luggage kept overnight at airport. She paid for our light meal before we parted ways. Calvin and I headed for Hong Kong in the Express train. Rebecca was there to pick us up and take us to her mum’s. Mother in law was waiting for us to settle into her apartment. We settled for sleep after taking a shower. I woke up during the night to pee and woke up feeling hungry around 8am. We had breakfast with mother in law then we waited for lunch. This Sunday felt like a long day because I was more than ready to fly home.

After dinner with Vincent’s family at a nearby restaurant, we were escorted to the airport by Tina and Charles. Charles was attached to Calvin after their three weeks together in Sydney. When we got to the airport, the boys were hungry again. We had some snacks in an upstairs restaurant.

It was time to head to departures and bide our fair wells. I got a hug from Charles and Tina after asking for it and it was fun to get it! Hehe

Finally, after five weeks of living out of our suitcases, we were flying home and I felt an immediate sense of calm and relief. The uncertainties from the ongoing protests in Hong Kong instantly disappeared and I was happier.

I was shocked to see our Hong Kong to Dubai flight was less than half full. It could have been affected by the protests in Hong Kong. I got a sound three hours sleep on this flight when I settled in the row of seats in front of us because the row was empty. Calvin slept for around four hours.

Our Business Class flight was out of this world. The entire experience had Calvin grinning from ear to ear.

I got to stretch my legs out and lie flat to sleep which was much needed to rest my exhausted body. The humongous screen was amazing. The mini bar we had got topped up with drinks. Calvin was greeted “Sir” even at his tender age!   I was greeted “Madam”. What a massive difference Business Class makes. Can you imagine what First Class would have been like for Calvin?  We were both spoiled to no end. We got socks, eye masks, toothpaste, toothbrush, a mattress for our seats, unlimited drinks at the bar, snacks at the bar, both our meals were satisfying and more attractive than I could ever imagine. Only negative was our breakfast had no protein which was a huge disappointment because we got our protein in Economy. Calvin took drinks home from the mini bar and the tiny jar of jam from breakfast.

I slept for around three hours and Calvin slept for around the same time. It felt like a short flight because I didn’t have enough time to watch another movie. I could certainly fly from Dubai to Sydney in Business Class because I had no Restless Leg Syndrome on this flight. No surprises there eh!

I was so relieved to finally get back home and settle back into my Glasgow routine. However, I feel I am still catching up. I feel a huge part of me is still in Sydney soaking up the glorious sun because our weather this week has been cold and dull.

Our dad is in hospital. He had gall stones and had an operation today. I told mum by phone on Monday that I would NOT visit dad. Mum was alright about it. Last night mum called me and begged me to visit dad in hospital. I was full of anger and rage. I let out many years of pain, anger, resentment and put up a boundary with mum. I told her I would NOT visit dad because he had abused me enough. I told mum that I had been seeing a psychiatrist and I was in no fit state to see dad and be abused by him further. I told mum it was karma coming to bite dad because of how he treated you and me when we were in hospital. Mum agreed and let go of the issue.

How would you feel about visiting dad if you were still here with us?  How would you feel about not obliging to our family obligations? How would you feel to have a sick dad who doesn’t deserve your time and effort yet he is still our dad? Could you forgive dad and let go of your pain and visit dad in hospital?  I would support you no matter what decision you make because I got your back and will always support you!

My latest update for my dearest big brother

Dear big brother

How are you? Where have you been to lately? Are you enjoying your travel adventures?

Did I tell you in my last letter to you that we are almost there with the court decree? It has taken around twenty months of going back and forth to my lawyer’s office to get this far. I feel exhausted mentally,  physically and emotionally from all this drama. My lawyer sent me an email with an update on the situation, we shall get the decree within the next four weeks if everything goes smoothly. If not, we have more challenges and set backs to get through.

I have had an exceptionally challenging four weeks which started with my flu. I took two weekends off work and didn’t get sick pay which created more stress for me. Then one thing after another came at me at full speed. You know the saying “It never rains, it pours?”  I had a relaxing time staying at home to recover from flu and thoroughly enjoyed doing less.

On a particular Tuesday when I felt fit enough to catch up on my tasks, I had suicidal thoughts come through which was scary, frightening and daunting. I felt anxious and scared. It felt like my depression had came back. I think staying at home for more than seven days straight created anxiety for me because I am such an extrovert who needs to be surrounded by people in order to feel energised.

I shared this frightening experience with my hubby and he was ever so supportive, gentle and understanding. I wish he was here physically to be my rock because I was feeling vulnerable and weak. I wish you were here physically to help me around the home with chores. I miss your help at home. I miss our banter and laughter.

It’s this time of year that creates sadness for me because it is almost your fifth anniversary.

We went to the crematorium yesterday, in the glorious sunshine and it felt warm and calm. Mum was crazy as ever. She forgot to bring matches or a lighter with her and startled the taxi driver when she announced this as we were approaching the crematorium. We were asking around for either a lighter or matches and mum saw a couple smoking so we approached them and got their lighter to use.

I did something for the first time last night at Toastmasters. I delivered my Pathways Icebreaker with no props or visual aids. I previously struggled with this. However, I think participating in Table Topics (impromptu speaking) regularly at Toastmasters and making my YouTube videos has built up my confidence to have my hands free. What a breakthrough!   I felt exceedingly proud of myself and thoroughly enjoyed last night’s experience. I have finally developed the skills of having my hands free throughout a prepared speech to use them for more open hand gestures. I think this enhanced my speech last night. I did think about bringing the book “Friendfluence” into the speech as a prop. I decided to leave it out because it was not necessary nor did the content of the book have much of what I was covering in last night’s speech.

My speech evaluator Brett wrote in my printed Pathways evaluation form “Kit loves the stage”, I thought that was funny and definitely describes me to a tee! Hehe  Brett has mentioned, along with a number of fellow Toastmasters that I have exceptionally strong vocal variety. I think this comes from speaking Hakka as it is more high pitched than Cantonese or English. I think Brett is making excellent progress since he joined Toastmasters. I shall make a point of giving him my own feedback on his evaluation for my speech.

I think I have found my second home. The stage. I remember visiting a fortune teller whilst I was recovering from my depression. She said my career was on stage. I immediately thought of performing on stage such as acting or singing. Never did I thought I belonged on the stage as a public speaker! Haha

Can you imagine you joining Toastmasters where you have an eager audience to listen to you talk about your general knowledge which was your forte? That would blow their socks off! Haha   I would be showing you off to our fellow Toastmasters and tell them how proud I am of your general knowledge. Hehe

Here’s some photos of me from last night’s Pathways Icebreaker speech for you to admire! Hehe 

Nothing in my hands to allow me to use more hand gestures!

A rather blurry one yet this shows my confidence of using open hand gestures that I have developed and enhanced from participating in Table Topics and making all of those YouTube videos for my business!

This one is so funny because I look constipated here! Haha  It shows my facial expression and my body language which enhances my speech. My mentee Ian took these photos so thank you to him for his efforts!

This is all for now big brother. Enjoy your travel adventures and the food! Hehe

With lots of love from your one and only crazy loud and proud sister xxx

Update for my dearest big brother

 

Dear big brother

Look at what your little sister achieved last month whilst she was in Hong Kong? I finally got to visit a Toastmasters club in Hong Kong after two previous failed attempts!  I felt ever so proud of myself because I got myself there without any help from anyone. I asked for directions when I got out of the MTR station and the building for the Toastmasters meeting was only a few minutes from where I was. I had so much fun and learned a few things from this particular club that I shall share with my own club.

Please meet my mother in law’s sister who is seventh in the family. She is ever so energetic, enthusiastic, kind and generous. We clicked the first time we met in Hong Kong back in 2015, I think!? Haha   This energetic woman spoiled me when she took me to the bakers for some cakes for our train journey back to Hong Kong from Guangzhou where she lives. She insisted on buying something for mum and I allowed her to because it’s their tradition. We were there visiting my mother in law’s sisters and extended family for a day which was more than enough due to the intense heat and humidity which felt more powerful than Hong Kong. I don’t think you would have enjoyed the stay there because Cory, Calvin and I certainly didn’t!  The a/c was practically none-existent which made our stay far too sticky, hot and humid. Even the a/c in our hotel room was weak. The hotel room we stayed in was extravagant, luxurious and by far more spacious than you would ever find in Hong Kong. I felt like a celebrity staying in it for the one night! Haha

Look at the bathroom in the hotel!  It had a separate shower situated at the other corner of the bathroom!  You could easily make two bedrooms in this room! Or stand 40 people in it! Haha

Oh let me tell you something, getting to Guangzhou was full of challenges left, right and centre. I am put off from travelling there ever again. It was time and energy consuming just to get my China visa in place. The logistics took what felt like forever! Vincent, my awesome laidback hubby helped me with all the processes of applying for this visa which cost a fortune. He was much more laidback than me with his logical mind. I was feeling more than totally exhausted when we needed to walk here and there in the intense heat and humidity in Hong Kong. However, I am grateful that I got to experience Guangzhou and have more stories to share with people. Hehe

Let me tell you a few things about our Wan Chai Airbnb. The apartment by far is exceptionally spacious for Hong Kong property.  That was one of the reasons why I wanted it. Three bedrooms with two bathrooms which to me, is an added luxury and bonus. However, imagine how shocked I was to see that the en-suite was not as I had thought it to be!  Definitely not how en-suites are built here in Scotland!  It was ever so poorly built which meant whenever you peed or pooped in it, the smell would pass into the bedroom because it was not a fully separate room. I felt ever so uncomfortable pooping in the bathroom because it felt like pooping in our bedroom, that created more tension for my “travellers constipation”!  Yes, Google told me that there is and I do suffer from “travellers constipation!  How pleasant to know eh?  I took laxatives each day whilst in Hong Kong to combat my constipation. Anyway, back to this Airbnb, on the first night there, I was scared out of my knickers when I heard for the first time, in our bedroom that the building was shaking. I thought we were having an earthquake! Only it was the old and loud air conditioning unit making shaking and shuddering noises loudly at regular intervals. I couldn’t get a sound sleep each night and would sleep on the couch in the living room. The living room at night was much cooler than our bedroom. I didn’t feel the need to have the a/c on. It was so peaceful. Now, let me tell you about the wifi that was as troublesome as me! It was slow, weak and lacked power. Calvin would complain about it everyday. Charles and Calvin would regularly take the piss out of the weak wifi. They eventually found a clever solution to this. They searched for an internet cafe nearby. Charles took Cory and Calvin there one night. Then another morning after Charles stayed over, he took Calvin there as soon as they got out of bed, went to the same internet cafe and had lunch together before they came back to the Airbnb.

Do you understand what this notice is asking you to do?  I think it was translated using Google Translate! Haha   This notice was displayed in the bathroom that Cory and Calvin used in the apartment. They both told me on our first night that the hot water was scolding hot and the cold water fucking freezing cold! Ouch!

Cory spent most of his money he brought over on clothes, shoes, a new watch and a smaller suitcase to fit all of his Hong Kong purchases. He went shopping on his own most days. There were a few days that I joined him with Calvin and we had sushi in a shopping mall in Kuen Tong. Calvin thoroughly enjoyed the experience because it was his favourite sushi restaurant. He has become a sushi addict since last year when Charles got him into sushi.

Cory enjoyed having Charles around and they built a close bond. Charles talks to anyone and he’s an extrovert who has some talent in getting people to get along. Charles took Cory over to his part of Hong Kong, Sham Shui Po for some shopping but Cory was disappointed with the merchandise.

Look at how happy I was with mum. She came over to ours on the last night in Hong Kong so that we could all travel to the airport early next morning for our early morning flight back to Glasgow. We had dinner that night with my mother in law in Central. My sister in law Elsa and her hubby joined us. It was a pleasant dinner which was quite reasonably priced.

Do you like this photo? There was a small exhibition in Wan Chai. Vincent and I went exploring here on our own for us time.  It was quiet and didn’t impress Vincent at all. Hehe  Vincent and I got more us time this year because we had Cory in the apartment to be there for Calvin whenever we wanted to be on our own. We did less activities this year because I asked for more relaxing time instead of rushing here there and everywhere. I thoroughly enjoyed the more lazy and relaxed holiday this year.

 

 Did you ever get to taste this smelly as “pig’s shit” durian? I don’t remember seeing you eating it or remembering you talk about it. I bought this for the first time in Hong Kong at a stall near our apartment. It cost more than 300 HK dollars for this small lot yet well worth it because I deserve it. It tasted a lot sweeter than the durians we get in Glasgow. Vincent doesn’t like the smell of this smelly fruit yet he has, in the past, bought me the durian dessert with soy beans that’s smooth as a baby’s bottom. We had dessert in my favourite place called Auntie Sweet in Tin Hau. Cory, Calvin, Vincent and me, after dinner one night. Guess what dessert I ordered? Hehe

 

 

Look at what I spotted in the bookshop that was on the main road from our Airbnb?  I wanted to buy all of them! I could easily spend all day here. There were many English titled books! Hehe

Calvin didn’t want to go to Disneyland without Charles because Charles went to summer camp a few days before we were due to fly back to Glasgow. Calvin wasn’t disappointed as he was last year about not going to Disneyland. I think it’s because Calvin is becoming more mature. He enjoyed having Charles around at our Airbnb and that’s all that mattered to him. I could see that they thoroughly enjoyed spending time together no matter what it was they were doing. I am grateful that we have Charles to keep Calvin occupied.

I thoroughly enjoyed flying to and from Hong Kong with mum next to me. I asked her a number of questions about my childhood and she told me many stories about me, you, Tony, dad and our extended family. It was a much needed time to bond without dad there moaning, ranting and complaining. Hehe

What was most enjoyable about being in Hong Kong this year for me? I think it was:  flying back with mum and Cory which was a pleasant first experience even thought it had it’s challenges. Having Cory with us throughout the entire holiday which gave me lots of time to bond with him. Having dinner in Nam Wah Po with mum and her extended family was another pleasant first experience. Having dinner with cousin Chi Wing and his wife in Tai Po. Getting to meet my mother in law’s sisters and extended family in Guangzhou. Having quality bonding time with my awesome Aussie hubby. Last, was receiving all of our gifts from everyone. We were all totally spoiled. I am still reminiscing about all the good and happy times we all had even though being in the intense heat and humidity of Hong Kong was exhausting. There were so many first experiences for all of us. I want to do it all over again.

On a more sombre note, I missed you more when I was in Hong Kong because I know we would have had so much fun together going back to our birth place and exploring together. There’s a part of me who felt angry that this opportunity was taken away from me so soon!

I could tell you about this relaxing Hong Kong holiday all day yet I have tasks to complete. Hehe

Last, I want to tell you that I feel ever so blessed to have had this opportunity to bond with mum and Cory for the first time in Hong Kong. Bye for now big brother!

For my dearest big brother, who is in a better place!

I love my big brother’s smiles!

Dear big brother

It has been a rather fruitful year so far for me. Overwhelming yet very fruitful as I am truly, totally and absolutely focused on achieving my goals. No drama, no toxic relationships and no negativity to distract me as I have put up clear boundaries to focus on what I want from life.

Your sudden passing back in November 2013,  was the most challenging, heartbreaking and soul searching thing I have ever experienced. I lost such a gargantuan part of myself yet it was a good lesson for me. I learned to grieve for the very first time in my life. I allowed myself to feel weak, fragile and vulnerable and I was quite alright with it. I cried buckets here, there and everywhere. I would cry whilst on my journey to and from, mainly on a bus, as a memory or thought triggered losing you and the intense pain came flooding through my body. I miss your presence each day yet the pain of your passing has become easier to live with.

Thankfully, I had made friends with some amazingly caring people on the internet to help me through the darkest days of your passing. They were there for me each and everyday, lifting me up and being there for me to support me through the grieving process. I met my sweetheart three months after your sudden passing and he helped me to realise that my inner child was feeling very angry at your sudden departure, without any good byes, she felt abandoned, neglected and forgotten. That revelation was such a deep insight for me. I felt so much happier and lighter from there.

My sweetheart has been holding my hand and supporting me through the grieving process. He listened to my struggles. He acknowledged my intense pain and told me to let out all of the raw and intense pain. I had one on one counselling in the first year of your passing to help me get through the most painful experience of my life. To have someone listen to me, without judgement and criticism was what I needed to help me heal the pain that was left dangling around.

I made a very wise choice last year of only surrounding myself with people who support and lift me up. I keep a clear distance from any toxicity, negativity and drama addicts as they drain my positive energy and distract me from working on and achieving my goals. It can be really lonely at times yet that is the sacrifice in order to get to the top!

I had a number of group therapy sessions with Rebecca, a therapist from Sydney, that Vincent had put me in touch with at the beginning of this year. She worked with me for what was very insightful and valuable to my recovery and healing. We also worked through some of my emotional pain from my past with our parents, ex husband and his family. I felt so much lighter after each session and learned to let go of the negative emotions that was hanging around inside of me. My life was beginning to look so much brighter from there on.

I set myself some great big goals to work towards this year. No longer having toxic relationships has been the best thing to help me focus on achieving my goals. Each month this year has been a huge breakthrough as I step out of my comfort zone and embrace fears to get my hands on my big goals. Having fun each day with my sweetheart has helped me to feel happy and joyful. Our happiness also helps me to remain in a positive frame of mind. That positive mental attitude which I have acquired is oozing from all over me! Nothing is too much bother. I am solution orientated and my consistent five years of personal development is paying off each and everyday.

I have made so much progress this year and I want to share them all with you. Joining Toastmasters in February was the biggest step forward for me this year. I threw myself into the weekly meetings, taking on different roles within each meeting and making consistent progress to get my career vision fulfilled. I have so much fun on that stage which has my name on it! Hehe  I own that stage and I am so confident delivering any sort of speech.   I have been a Toastmasters for many years as some guests have expressed to me. Hehe  I have delivered three prepared speeches and working on my humourous speech to be delivered for our contest in less than two weeks time. My other big goal is to win the public speech contest at Toastmasters which is held in America.

I finally got a job, working as a housekeeper at Travelodge and got my independence back. I also have a small housekeeping job, three hours every week which I stumbled across whilst job searching online. The extra money has been a bonus especially to fund my Hong Kong spending next month. I was feeling anxious at the beginning of settling into a new job which affected my sleep. It took me less than three weeks to get through the anxiety and my personal development helped me through the emotions.

This new job has been very physically demanding yet I am settled now and embracing all the challenges it brings my way. Nothing is too much for me from my personal development. Nothing is too much trouble or bother. I use my positive mental attitude and focus on solutions to get me through the challenges. I have our crazy mother to thank for because she taught me to always be hardworking and never be lazy or idle. She is my biggest inspiration and motivation.

I have no intention of staying in this job due to the toxic manager who is managing us like we are kids. I shut off from listening to her fault finding which is ever so toxic.

I attended The first Key Conference at the Secc on Sunday and the speakers were totally amazing. I visualised myself on such a huge stage, delivering my speeches, confidently and with much enthusiasm. I felt your presence that day because you had completed your Key weekend course with Christine McGrory. On the note of feeling your presence, I was heading home one night recently from Toastmasters on the bus. I was due to get off in a few stops when I saw a man who walked on, just like the way you walked and he was the shape of you. I was immediately thinking of you and felt your presence. I felt safe there and then, knowing that you are with me, protecting me just like a big brother does for his little sister.

Life is so good for me now and I so want you to be here with me and us to share all the good times. Yet, you were taken away from us so suddenly. I know you would be so happy and proud of me and my three sons. I know you would have such a humongous smile on your face to see how much progress we have all made and continue to make. I bet you would be talking non stop when you meet Vincent, my sweetheart. He is the best listener so you can talk to him until the cows come home! Haha  I would love you to meet his family who are all very kind and giving. I am certain that they would all make you feel important as they did with Calvin and me when we flew back to Hong Kong last year.

I am flying back again with Calvin next month to celebrate Vincent’s mum’s birthday with her and to do other things that I long to do. Oh how I would love you to join us and visit our birthplace together. You could take me to our primary school and see the new building. We would have so much fun together, reminiscing the good old times of our early childhood. Meeting up with our cousins would be a blast too!  I bet you would talk so much with them all and have loads of fun, creating many happy memories that would stay with us all forever. Mum, Tony and Ailun are also flying back to Hong Kong next month. It is going to be a very memorable family occasion. I feel very sad that you are no longer here though, because we would have many opportunities to create joyful memories together, in our birthplace.

Calvin has fallen in love with planes and flying since I took him to Sydney and Hong Kong last year. He has picked up the travel bug and long to fly again! He made good friends with Vincent’s youngest sister’s son and a girl who is the daughter of Vincent’s younger brother’s partner. They got on like a house on fire even though there was a language barrier due to Calvin’s limited spoken Cantonese. I was so proud of him for flying six flights, was sick twice from Dubai to Hong Kong and was still eager to fly again this year. How amazing is your youngest nephew eh?  I bet you are so proud of his progress. He misses you so much and talks about the silly and funny things you said, very randomly.

Calvin is now a very independent young man just as you had wished for when you sang to him, holding him as he was a newborn and wanting the best for him. He has been learning new skills at Tony’s shop every Saturday and earning some spending money for his Hong Kong holiday. Mum has been praising him every week and she tells us how hardworking and reliable he is. Calvin is now going to and from school on his own as I want him to be more independent.

Colin flew to Munich on Wednesday to check out his student accommodation for his fourth year of university. He flies home on Sunday then he shall fly back to Munich for a year of studying at the end of this month. He had a summer job and was more disciplined. He was also more active, doing weightlifting exercises and taking Calvin swimming. It was a great opportunity for them to bond.

Cory bought a new car in July and he’s so happy with it. It is his pride and joy!  He has a better bond with Calvin since they are together every Saturday at Tony’s shop. Calvin was treated to a meal on Monday when Cory picked him up from school. They went to Braehead and I asked Cory to take Calvin to shop for a new pair of trainers as I was working. Cory asks Calvin to do things for him and that’s a great way to teach Calvin to have some responsibilities. Cory spoiled Calvin when he bought him a new iPad Air for his birthday.

Vincent is flying over in less than two weeks time to spend a fortnight here with us then we are flying to Hong Kong together and staying for two weeks. I am becoming a jet setter! Hehe  I made a vision board with my family on it because I wanted to fly to Hong Kong with them and it is being fulfilled. Woo Hoo!  I am as happy as Larry!

Dad has been through some amazing transformation ever since he came home from Vegas last year. He threw out the living room furniture and has been so different in so many ways. I guess he has been reflecting after a holiday abroad. It is a great bonus for us all.

Mum is still as crazy and carefree as ever. She’s the best mum ever and spoils everyone because she’s the caretaker. Now that Tony is married, I bet she is happier than Larry!  Next, is to be a grandma again to Tony’s kids! Hehe   I saw mum whilst I was heading home from Toastmasters on Tuesday evening and we got talking about you. Our parents never talk about you unlike me and that is so sad. I keep you alive by talking about you with Vincent mostly and some friends who understand my pain of losing you.

Tony got married in October last year is Vegas. Mum, dad, Cory and Colin flew over for the special occasion. I stayed home with Calvin because I had no money to fund the trip plus Calvin had school. Dad has been left with a negative feeling of flying, after their flight home was severely delayed due to unforeseen circumstances.

We are all making great progress now and I wish you were here with us to see it and feel happy for us. I know you are so much happier where you are. No more pain or suffering for you. You have the freedom to do whatever you want and you are as free as a bird!

Soar big brother! Soar!

 

 

 

The ability to bring people together

What is the one thing that brings families together for a chat, a catch up and offers them the time to bond?  Food!

It was some time since I had dinner with my dad so I invited him over last night to chat and had some time together.

My eldest son Cory expressed to me, after I asked him to pick up my dad, that he does not want to see my dad. I apologised and told him that I had not had dinner with my dad for some time and he didn’t need to talk to my dad as long as he greets him.

The dinner was simple with my home made vegetable soup yet it brought us together. My three sons, me, my dad and my number two son’s girlfriend Cherry. My mum was working so her absence made it so much quieter.

I had spent three hours cooking and making everyone’s favourite vegetable soup. It was all worth the effort to bring us together.

I love to cook from scratch and my dad rarely gets to eat my cooked dinners and last night was a great opportunity for him to join us.

Dad didn’t eat much yet it was the company of family and chatting to each other that was important even though my three sons had very little to say to dad. I had a good chat with him to catch up. He seemed happy and light hearted which is rare.

I have been used to eating dinner with family and since my big brother passed away suddenly, dinner times have become so lonely and quiet. Last night’s dinner was what I had longed for and miss so much. It was the noise, the company and the wider choice of food that felt warm, happy and priceless.

I even got the opportunity to organise a surprise with Cherry for Colin whilst washing up!

What a productive dinner it was!