Archives for category: Things that bother me

SAD 1

How many people do you know who are affected with the “winter blues”?  The lethargic feeling when we wake up in the winter mornings due to a lack of sunlight. The sluggish feeling of having no energy whatsoever to get us through our day, everyday. The feeling of “Oh five minutes of snooze time” and I shall get out of bed when our alarm goes off in the mornings when we have work to go to. The feeling of “Oh I just want to stay in bed and hibernate” each and every morning when that dreaded alarm goes off.  It is like the sky turns grey in winter along with my moods. Does any of these symptoms sound familiar to you?

I’ve had Seasonal Affective Disorder since I was in my mid teens. I remember the first early signs of this “mood disorder” was when I felt exceedingly sleepy one early evening as I sat on the couch watching television with dad and drifting off to sleep. I was very curious as to why I was feeling so sleepy and tired when I had did very little to tire my body. As the days of that winter passed, I realised I was extremely sleepy after the long dark nights set in. I just wanted to sleep my early evenings away after dinner.

As long as I had work to keep me busy, I would be able to stay awake. If and when I was idle on a day without any sunlight during the long and dark winter days, I found myself much more sleepy and tired. On a sunny, cold and freezing day during our winters, we would get enough sunshine to keep my moods up. Yet on a dull, dark and wet day, I would have no energy or mood whatsoever to do whatever I needed to do. I remember calling into work and telling my boss that I was sick, when I merely had no energy or the motivation to get into work. I stayed at home feeling heavily depressed and with no motivation or energy to take care of myself. I just stayed in bed and felt depressed for the entire day and night.

I had never learned anything about low moods, winter depression, winter blues, or anything associated with Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD. For many of my adult life, I lived through the dark, long and depressing winters, just dragging my body out of bed in the mornings with loads of energy and focus. It was a constant battle in the mornings for me to take care of my needs. As the day went on, my tiredness and sleepiness wore off and I felt more energised.

SAD 3

With the advances of technology, I was able to read up on SAD on the internet and learned that I could treat my symptoms with a “Light box”.  I bought my first “Light box” from Amazon at  the beginning of 2008 which was an alarm clock that lit up slowly thirty minutes before I was due to wake up. Having the sun beaming strongly at me each dark winter morning was a new found energy booster first thing in our dreary winter mornings for me. I was ecstatic and feeling like my regular self that I was during our Spring and Summer months from using my new “Light box”.

When I thought I had fixed my symptoms of SAD, something unexpected happened in October of 2008. I was diagnosed with depression by my doctor. That winter was one of the most challenging and overwhelming for me. I was signed off work for two weeks. I felt weak, fragile, vulnerable and anxious. I had never felt like this in my entire life. My SAD got from bad to worse. It took a number of years to get me out of that deep rut of depression.

My Amazon “Light box alarm clock” was only working to help me get out of bed. Yet, during the day, in the winters, I would feel sluggish and without any motivation whatsoever to live my life to the max. This changed when I invested in a bigger Light Box that I used in our living room. I would use it for around sixty to ninety minutes each day. It topped up my energy like going to the gym.

SAD 2

My diet was very poor during winter as I had an intense craving for salty, sweet or fatty foods which tired my body twenty times more. This went on for years until…….I started to take a daily capsule of St John’s Wort earlier this year. I took the St John’s Wort to fix my low moods during the seven days of my monthly PMS. I felt much more energetic and happier after starting on the St John’s Wort, throughout my monthly PMS. What a breakthrough!  I finally felt like I was getting my life back again. I was enjoying my new found energy.

So far this winter, I have been feeling my energy levels as high as when I was a teenager before my SAD symptoms appeared. I no longer crave as much of the salty, sweet and fatty foods as I did prior to taking St John’s Wort. My body is twenty times healthier this winter. What a fantastic feeling!  I shall continue to take my St John’s Wort. Thank you.

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We all want to feel important and I see that this has created so much ignorance in this beautiful world.

As a parent to three sons, I am very aware of what I am passing on to them from my journey with personal development.

I want to feel important as much as anyone else yet that comes at a cost. I see from my daily travels, how selfish, self centred, self absorbed and narcissistic we have become.

I see people from all age groups nowadays being so absent minded and oblivious as to what is happening around them to the extent where:

  1. They put their own lives and the lives of others at risk when they are using their mobile phones whilst driving or crossing the road
  2. They are crossing the road as a car is approaching and just yards in front of them, creating danger for the driver and self
  3. They are parking their car with all four tyres on the pavement as they collect their children from school or park on the corner and putting the lives of other road users at risk
  4. They are causing more accidents than before the digital age as they are being distracted from their mobile devices
  5. They are walking with their heads down whilst using their mobile phones in public
  6. They are neglecting their children as they have a distraction with their mobile devices which becomes an addiction
  7. Parents are teaching their children that they are the most important people in the world and these children become selfish, self centred, self absorbed and narcissistic

We do not listen to others with the intent to understand because we were never taught to from our main caregivers. We listen with the intent to form a reply and this creates a huge distance between the listener and speaker. Relationships are suffering the inevitable heartache of a breakup due to this vital fact. Friendships end due to this reason too. I ended a close friendship last year due to this as I felt I was not being listened to with the intent to be understood and I felt so much pain.

Then there are couples who go out together to bond yet they are so attached to their mobile phones that their date is with their phones and not their partner.

I also see this happening with friends who meet up in restaurants for a meal. I saw a group of four young people (two girls and two boys) in a Chinese restaurant at lunchtime during Christmas, whilst I was with my youngest son checking out this new place for our first time. The group of four had their heads down, fingers on their phones and I saw them quite engrossed. One of the girls had her head down, engrossed on her phone for the duration of our meal. I was rather shocked!  What is the purpose of meeting up for a meal when none of us talk to each other face to face?

I had such a close friend who gave her mobile phone more attention than she gave me which left me feeling undervalued and hurt. She also created much drama with her sister, boyfriend or friend the weekend before us girls were due to meet and she would rant, rave, moan and groan about the drama that she created as she put herself on the spotlight. Yawn! No need to say, she is no longer my close friend.

Children are narcissistic by nature so they always want to feel important and special. Give a child a new toy and they shall show it off to their little friends as the new toy makes them feel important. Adults are exactly the same whenever they have a new “toy” to show off as gadgets are consuming our daily lives. As soon as adults hear about the latest gadget that is due to launch, they shall be willing to sacrifice a good part of their day in order to obtain this new gadget in order to make them feel important as they have something that not everyone has, yet!

I see adults at Calvin’s school who get into road rage with other parents over who has the right of way when they are driving home after picking up their little angels. This has become a huge concern for both adults and children as parents and possibly grandparents are parking illegally just so that they do not need to walk any further than they want to because they have a car. I have seen cars parked with all four wheels on the pavement, cars parked on the corner of a road, cars parked at someone’s driveway blocking the home owner’s entrance or exit. I have seen adults argue over who has the right of way at a junction to the extent where they are using foul language. The school has sent letters out to all parents of their pupils yet it just seems to fall on death’s ears. The police has been called in to patrol the school around home time and I feel this is a total waste of our taxpayers money.  What are we teaching our children? What will our children learn from the poor behaviour of the adults that they all look up to for guidance?

We in general seem to have neglected the importance of what truly matters to us human beings. What happened to asking about how one’s day is going? What happened to asking about how a dear friend is getting on? What happened to asking about how we are doing with life? What happened to the human connections?

We seem to be more connected with social media and our devices than with our loved ones, friends and family. How sad are we becoming as a human feeling being?