Archives for the month of: March, 2016

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Ask and you shall receive!

How many of you believe that?

I certainly do because the universe gives me magical things that fills me with much love and gratitude.

On my 44th birthday last Friday, I was heading to my appointment to see my specialist about my ongoing whiplash symptoms so I decided to pick up my favourite cheesecake from my favourite store Marks and Spencer to treat myself for my birthday .

When I got home, my 19 year old son told me that my sweetheart had bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers ( red roses and pink lilies ) and a huge birthday cake ( with my name on it, in simplified Chinese).

I have never had such a wonderful birthday gift from my parents, siblings or the men I was in a relationship with or my sons,  until now. So you can imagine how emotional I was!

I was filled with joy and love as well as so much excitement to have my birthday cake with my name on it! It is mine! Mine! Mine! Hehe

I had never had a birthday cake from my immediate family let alone one with my name on it so my inner child felt loved and very special. She was jumping for joy and was over the moon to be spoiled and she truly deserved it!

My sweetheart certainly did a great job with the whole surprise and the red roses……..well he knows how much I love red!  He buys gifts for me in red and nothing else shall do! Hehe

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Oh boy I was one very spoiled girl this birthday! Thank you to my two elder sons and Colin’s girlfriend Cherry for helping my sweetheart to give me such a “tears of joy” surprise!

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We all want to feel important and I see that this has created so much ignorance in this beautiful world.

As a parent to three sons, I am very aware of what I am passing on to them from my journey with personal development.

I want to feel important as much as anyone else yet that comes at a cost. I see from my daily travels, how selfish, self centred, self absorbed and narcissistic we have become.

I see people from all age groups nowadays being so absent minded and oblivious as to what is happening around them to the extent where:

  1. They put their own lives and the lives of others at risk when they are using their mobile phones whilst driving or crossing the road
  2. They are crossing the road as a car is approaching and just yards in front of them, creating danger for the driver and self
  3. They are parking their car with all four tyres on the pavement as they collect their children from school or park on the corner and putting the lives of other road users at risk
  4. They are causing more accidents than before the digital age as they are being distracted from their mobile devices
  5. They are walking with their heads down whilst using their mobile phones in public
  6. They are neglecting their children as they have a distraction with their mobile devices which becomes an addiction
  7. Parents are teaching their children that they are the most important people in the world and these children become selfish, self centred, self absorbed and narcissistic

We do not listen to others with the intent to understand because we were never taught to from our main caregivers. We listen with the intent to form a reply and this creates a huge distance between the listener and speaker. Relationships are suffering the inevitable heartache of a breakup due to this vital fact. Friendships end due to this reason too. I ended a close friendship last year due to this as I felt I was not being listened to with the intent to be understood and I felt so much pain.

Then there are couples who go out together to bond yet they are so attached to their mobile phones that their date is with their phones and not their partner.

I also see this happening with friends who meet up in restaurants for a meal. I saw a group of four young people (two girls and two boys) in a Chinese restaurant at lunchtime during Christmas, whilst I was with my youngest son checking out this new place for our first time. The group of four had their heads down, fingers on their phones and I saw them quite engrossed. One of the girls had her head down, engrossed on her phone for the duration of our meal. I was rather shocked!  What is the purpose of meeting up for a meal when none of us talk to each other face to face?

I had such a close friend who gave her mobile phone more attention than she gave me which left me feeling undervalued and hurt. She also created much drama with her sister, boyfriend or friend the weekend before us girls were due to meet and she would rant, rave, moan and groan about the drama that she created as she put herself on the spotlight. Yawn! No need to say, she is no longer my close friend.

Children are narcissistic by nature so they always want to feel important and special. Give a child a new toy and they shall show it off to their little friends as the new toy makes them feel important. Adults are exactly the same whenever they have a new “toy” to show off as gadgets are consuming our daily lives. As soon as adults hear about the latest gadget that is due to launch, they shall be willing to sacrifice a good part of their day in order to obtain this new gadget in order to make them feel important as they have something that not everyone has, yet!

I see adults at Calvin’s school who get into road rage with other parents over who has the right of way when they are driving home after picking up their little angels. This has become a huge concern for both adults and children as parents and possibly grandparents are parking illegally just so that they do not need to walk any further than they want to because they have a car. I have seen cars parked with all four wheels on the pavement, cars parked on the corner of a road, cars parked at someone’s driveway blocking the home owner’s entrance or exit. I have seen adults argue over who has the right of way at a junction to the extent where they are using foul language. The school has sent letters out to all parents of their pupils yet it just seems to fall on death’s ears. The police has been called in to patrol the school around home time and I feel this is a total waste of our taxpayers money.  What are we teaching our children? What will our children learn from the poor behaviour of the adults that they all look up to for guidance?

We in general seem to have neglected the importance of what truly matters to us human beings. What happened to asking about how one’s day is going? What happened to asking about how a dear friend is getting on? What happened to asking about how we are doing with life? What happened to the human connections?

We seem to be more connected with social media and our devices than with our loved ones, friends and family. How sad are we becoming as a human feeling being?

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I love travelling on public transport because it is the best way to get talking to strangers, anywhere, anytime, any day.

As I was heading into our city centre in the the already packed bus yesterday morning,  I saw a  woman from China whom I have spoken to before, without her youngest son. So I said hello to her and we got chatting.

Now, my first language is Scottish English, second is Cantonese and this woman speaks Mandarin so our conversation was limited as my Mandarin is “half a bucket of water” as we describe it in Cantonese. Yet I was bold enough in chatting to this woman because I was interested in where she was heading to on the bus. From asking me where I was going, we found an opportunity to talk about our kids and how they are so Scottish that they talk to each other in Scottish and not Chinese, because Scottish is their first language. I found out that she was heading into college, to learn what I could not understand. Yet that was no deterrent for me to stop talking to her. I told her that I have plans on a visit to Hong Kong in October with my youngest son and he loves flying because he loves aeroplanes. So that created an opportunity for me to ask her about her kids and if they like to fly.

She told me her kids have yet to fly and they shall get their first opportunity soon, I think that’s what she had told me from what I had picked up as she used her finger making the number one and I heard the words “first time”.

Her body language is a great indicator as to what she was saying as she took full advantage of it. She was smart in expressing to me what she was saying as she knew that my Mandarin is “half a bucket of water” by using her full body language. Thank goodness!

I also found out from asking more questions about where she lived prior to moving the our neighbourhood. Then I found out that her kids still attend Saturday Chinese School at Springburn and they get two buses there and two buses back. Her college class finishes at eleven O’clock and then she picks up her youngest son from nursery.

I told her it’s great that she’s learning things at college because my dad had taught me that whatever we learn shall always be with us so learn more. Her curiosity to learn is an attractive quality to have and I am drawn to people like her. Her vibes tells me that she is a smart and intelligent woman always learning something. She comes across as positive and an inspiration because that’s what I picked up from her vibes. I have seen her about in our neighbourhood with her three kids, two sons and a daughter. I would love to talk to her more in Mandarin so I shall learn more then we could be talking until “the cows come home”!

As I was paying for my purchases in the health food shop, I got a quick conversation with the young girl behind the counter. I just love to talk and it comes from my self confidence plus it helps me to develop my quick thinking and effective communication skills.

I saw the same Chinese Mandarin speaking woman as I was walking to pick up my son from school and she had her youngest son with her, holding his hand. She said “hello” to me because we had built a connection in the morning.  I greeted her son with “little friend, how are you”? in Mandarin and he just smiled at me and then hid behind his mum! How innocent and cute?

I was quite surprised by my limited Mandarin and how much I knew. I had no lessons from a school or college so I felt proud of my achievement so far. It pays to learn another dialect or new language as it shall come in handy especially here in Glasgow, Scotland as we are a diverse city with so many cultures.

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Do you believe in “what we focus on, we manifest”? It’s how the law of attraction works!

I was thinking each day of delivering my very first speech for Toastmasters since I joined on Tuesday 23rd February as my long term goal is to become a public speaker. Then the opportunity to deliver my first speech at Toastmasters came to me as a huge surprise when I received an email from the group on Monday afternoon as I was at home,  that a free slot for a speaker was available for the next meeting and I grabbed the opportunity with both hands.

I had twenty four hours to prepare my six minute speech and what would I talk about was the main issue!

I did very little rehearsal for my first speech as I was confident that what I had prepared was good enough for the objective of the speech.

I was feeling ever so excited on the morning of the meeting and I prepared as best as I could giving the time that I had. If I had more time, I would have a dilemma of what shall I talk about, what do I put into my speech, what do I say, how would I say it and the questions would be endless which is more than enough to have me pulling my hair over something that I wanted to enjoy.

I was more than aware that for a first speech, perfection is not the goal. The goal is to stand up in front of an audience and talk to them for six minutes about me so that they get to know a bit more about my life.

I allowed my inner teenager to help me with the creativity side of the speech. She wanted to get the audience engaged by asking them a question, have them put their hands up, then ask them to stand up and the rest of the audience give them a round of applause for their efforts.

I trusted my talents and my self worth got me through to the night of the Toastmasters meeting with very little nerves until I arrived and sat down for the meeting to begin. I felt a bag of nerves rush through me as the meeting started and I used my emotional intelligence to get me to centre myself and to calm my nerves and ignore my negative inner voice chattering in the background.

I paused as I was given the stage to centre myself and it worked. Then my opening was confusing my audience from their body language Yet I had total confidence that it worked for me and them as I knew it was creative and powerful!

I used visual aids of three books to show my audience what books I have read and they gave my audience an insight into what my life is like.

I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience of being on stage and all eyes and ears were on me, listening to and paying full attention to what I was talking about felt magical. I saw my audience’s eagerness to listen to me and they loved my stage presence.

The six minutes felt so short as the red light turned on and I was still talking. However, I just continued until the end of my speech and I shall learn from this first experience to work on my time management better in order to make improvements.

The feedback I received from each person in the audience was just mind blowing! My opening was strong and showed confidence on stage which was a huge success for me. I used everything I had learned from my four and a half years of personal development and that was an enormous advantage for me. My consistent hard work on myself was the biggest payoff for such an important goal for me.

I shall treasure the feedback from my audience and cherish the standing ovation I received as I sat down after my speech. I felt a huge gush of emotions as I was receiving my standing ovation because it was my very first experience and I truly deserved it!

What a huge accomplishment and such a huge sense of satisfaction! Well done me!

Now to prepare for my second speech!

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He asked to go on a bus ride with mum today because he was bored at home and the sun was out shining brightly!

So mum was more than happy to yet she felt tired and sleepy.

Knowing that her son would be doing things on his own or with his friends soon as he is growing up so fast, his eleventh birthday is in June so she made the effort to spend quality bonding time with him.

They both had fun exploring on the bus and getting lost as they had an adventure they never had until this afternoon.

The Scottish weather was kind to them as it stayed dry and partly sunny.

Her son had a quick lunch in KFC then they went to catch their bus to discover a new place that they had yet to go.

It was a magical experience being lost in the bus as it drove them to unfamiliar territory. This was such a happy experience for both mum and son as they got to know a part of their city they had yet to learn about.

As they sat on the upper deck, at the front of the bus, they could see whatever was ahead of them and that was the best view on the bus ever!

They chatted and laughed as the bus drove on and it took them more than an hour to get back home so that they could rest after a rather long yet fun adventure.

Mum was sleepy and dosed off for a little while as the bus was stuck in traffic in the city centre and by now she just wanted to get home and take a much needed nap as she had a late night.

The whole experience was well worth it as it was a rare occasion for her son to ask for his mum to spend quality with him going on bus rides!

No One Looks Stupid When They Are Having fun!

Have you ever saw someone do something crazy and outrageous?  What did you think of their actions? Did it bother you? When was the last time you let your hair down, had a great laugh where you “peed your pants”?  Life is meant to be fun and having fun is vital to feeling happy and content from within.  Seriousness attracts serious consequences.

A day without laughter is a day wasted!

 

My family set up

I always loved having fun as a child, with lots of laughter, smiles, chuckling, noise and that’s what every child deserves. Yet my childhood was short and taken away from me when my mum became pregnant with my younger brother Tony. I became his “mum” because my mum didn’t speak English and she needed me to translate for her when she went to hospital to get her checks up done on her baby. So I was taking care of my mum and unborn baby brother at the age of ten. By the time Tony was born, I was taught him to be his “mum” by doing what mums do. From being the care taker of my family at a tender age, I had many childhood needs, wants and desires unmet. I was taking care of myself, going to see my doctor, dentist and buying my own clothes and shoes from age ten onwards. I was becoming self sufficient and it was overwhelming at times. Some days I got so overwhelmed that I just wanted to stay in bed and never get out of it. Other days I was feeling happy to be taking care of myself yet I longed to have my mum take care of me instead of abandoning me and neglecting me. This created so much illness for me in my adult life and it took me much sweat, tears and hard work each day to recover and heal from all the emotional pain I was carrying around for so many years of my life.

Damaged yet never defeated

I was a very damaged teenager and adult from my dysfunctional family set up. I never felt loved from my parents after Tony was born as I was abandoned to fend for myself by then.  I never had: any sort of routine, discipline or boundaries put in place after I became the big sister and mum. Home was the Chinese Take Away business my parents ran for five years. I would go straight there after school at three O’Clock, eat and sleep there until the shop closed around midnight. Then we all headed home and I would sleep until it was time to get out of bed for another day at school. School was the only place I could be a child who had her needs met. I felt happy there and I loved the attention I got from my class teacher and my class mates. I could play and have fun, I could be noisy, I could be childish, I could be what a ten year old wanted to be.

Moved From One Environment to the Next

My mum was the one who “wore the trousers” in our family and she controlled my life until I left home to escape from her ever controlling ways to begin a new chapter in my life. I was moved from one environment to the next with little notice by  mum which at the time was no problem for me because I had resiliency in me as I picked it up from mum. I had no routine at home and home was anywhere with a roof over my head. I would be taking care of four boys ( one was my younger brother ) after school in my mum’s friend’s house whilst she and her husband worked full time, long hours and they rarely had quality time to spend with their three sons. I would then be taking younger brother home by myself from parents take away shop and put him to bed. We would be home alone for a few hours until parents came home from the shop with older brother. I would then be younger brother’s full time mum at the age of fifteen to eighteen whilst parents and big brother worked full time. I was mostly on my way at home with younger brother and I was so bored and felt so lonely as I had since I took on my caretaker role from a tender age.

Prisoners to Others’ Opinion and Perceptions

The majority of us are prisoners to others’ opinion and perception of who and what we are and this is defining who we are based on others’ thoughts about us. Living like this is a very poor quality of life because we never live for ourselves, merely for what others want us to become. We never have our deep wants and desires met and we become dead inside. We kill our souls when we live in a prison from being so concerned of what Tom, Dick and Harry is going to say about our latest fun night out with our friends. “What is our neighbour going to say when we make so much noise in our garden having our friends over for a barbeque”?  “What is my mother-in-law going to think of me when I am being so crazy with my friends”?  “What is my partner going to think of me for wearing this”?

Find our true authentic selves

The majority of us have lost our true authentic selves due to shame, fear and anxiety from our family set up, childhood and the way we were brought up. We lose the connection with our heart because we were taught not to show our emotions when we were sad, angry, hurt and this suppressed our emotions. Emotions are energy in motion so when our emotions are suppressed, they are buried deep inside until we are triggered by a memory or an incident and then we become passive aggressive and life gets very messy and ugly. Learning to own our emotions, acknowledge them and allow them to pass through is the most effective way to our emotional health. Many people have mental health issues due to suppressed emotions and I am one of those people and I know so many who are or have been the same as me and most of them are still living a life of suppressing their emotions because they have yet to learn about emotional intelligence.

Own your emotions

Our emotions are powerful and serves us well when we learn to use them in the most constructive manner. Anger allows us to get what we want when we express it and use it in a healthy way. When we say to ourselves “I am feeling angry that I was not allowed to get what I wanted and I shall use my anger to get what I want”, we are taking full responsibility for our emotions instead of blaming others for how our emotions came about. Fear is also a great emotion that protects us from harm. We are told by our fear, to run when a lion approaches us and that is healthy fear. The way we handle our emotions and how we respond to them determines how our lives turn out. Emotional intelligence is now considered much more important than IQ.  The majority of people are “reactors” to whatever is given to them instead of being “responders” because they lack the emotional intelligence to handle and manage their emotions in a constructive and healthy manner. They neglect to own their emotions as they were never taught to from their childhood and set up. Living a life of constantly being a “reactor”  is toxic, draining and creates sickness, mental health issues and anxiety. We alienate people, push our loved ones away and they become scared of interacting with us so they avoid telling us the truth. We lose so much of our authentic self through this toxic kind of behaviour.

Happiness and Contentment

People who are light minded and have fun each day are more positive with life and it’s daily challenges, issues, problems, hurdles and falls, where they are able to laugh at it as it is thrown at them. They are more adaptable to change and hardship. They are those who are capable of managing adversity with a smile on their face and get on with their day without feeling that they are the “victim” to life. They are those who are resilient and never allow anything to pin them down for any length of time. They accept their life as it is, dust themselves off and pick themselves up, then they move forward and make the most of their life with whatever they have, with wherever they are at in their life. These are the people who are more likely to succeed in life because they are those who feel happy and content with their life. They do not need the social status, financial wealth, or any materialistic things to feel happy and content. They already possess that happiness and contentment from within which is what they value the most. They are the most healthy people because they are free from others’ judgement of who and what they are. They are oblivious to others’ opinion of them and this gives them the freedom to live the life they choose for themselves and not what others have chosen for them.

I became crazy, as in having fun and being light minded and to set myself free from:

  1. The social norm and expectations
  2. My dad’s expectations of who and what he wanted me to be
  3. My culture’s expectations
  4. The expectations of what is expected from a mother
  5. The expectations of what a woman should and shouldn’t do

 

Freedom To Be Who I was Born To Be

I feel so liberated to be free to live my life of who and what I was born to be without any regards of what others think or say about me. How magical is that? Having the freedom to be my true authentic self without wearing a mask to hide who and what I was born to be is truly exceptional. I wear what I desire, eat what I desire, go where I desire, be who I want to be with, do whatever I want (within reason of course), be whoever I want and desire, work in any job I desire, say whatever I want (within reason of course), all without the regards of what others shall think or say about me because I am free from all others’ opinion of me. It is none of my business what others think or say about me because I am no longer a prisoner to others’ opinion or perception of who and what I am.

Falling in love with me

I learned from reading up all I could about the Law of Attraction, that I needed to learn to love myself for who and what I am so that I could live a happy and contented life without the feelings of emptiness and loneliness I had felt since I was a young child. I am now at my happiest I have ever been in my entire life and that feeling is so light, so magical and I feel the love that I have for myself filling up each day. I no longer feel drained, exhausted or sick from the toxic shame that was holding me back from living my life just the way I was born to live. I found compassion and empathy for my mistakes, my failures, my flaws, my imperfections and my warts and all. I married myself and I am taking care of my needs, wants and desires. I am working hard each day to fulfill my life’s dreams, goals and ambitions which in turn offers me a higher quality of life. My life is ever so bright and it is my time to shine like a guiding star. I love everything about me no matter what and that is success!

Having fun each day

Fun is the most vital ingredient for a better, brighter and healthier life. Those who have forgotten how important it is to have fun and connect with our inner child are growing older much faster than those who do. For me, being crazy is so much fun because I am free to be whoever and whatever I want to be!

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We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw

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Happy 29th February Kit!

I have never really been conscious of a leap day until today due to my great progress in life. I have found much inner peace this past week from my therapist’s help in identifying that I have much grieving for my big brother’s sudden death in November 2013 and that brought so much calm to me. The pain of losing my lifetime companion lifted from me and I felt a huge weight had been taken off my tired soul. What a revelation for me!

I had been asked to take on a role of the Ah Counter at last Tuesday evening’s Toastmasters meeting and Neil presumed I was already a member when I had decided to join that night. What a privilege to be asked and I was more than honoured to take on the role even though I had no idea what that role entailed. One needs to step out of their comfort zone, learn to feel the discomfort in order to grow and that was what I did. I felt the fear and did it anyway in order to learn how to be the best Ah Counter and oh boy!……..I sure had fun when it was my turn to stand up on stage and present what I had picked up that evening on the speakers “ahs, erms, ohs and you knows”.  I was told “you owned the stage Kit!”  and I did because I had so much fun and that’s vital for me as having fun makes life so much easier and more interesting.

On my way home on the bus from Toastmasters, I got chatting to a young man who was engrossed in a book and I presumed it was fiction due to the way the man was reading. It was a rare sight to see so I was bold and started a conversation with him and he was very friendly and we got chatting. He showed me the book, which was the Divergent by Vernoica Roth.  We chatted until it was time for me to disembark and he seemed like an intellectual young man and that is attractive to me because I love to engage in these sorts of conversations.

I have been more productive this month compared to this time last year due to my continuous progress in working on reaching my goals.

I passed my assessment for my barista training course which took place last Thursday and Friday so I achieved a career goal and a physical goal this month and I am feeling ever so proud of myself. Well done me!

I managed to get through the challenging two day training course with the help of acquiring a taste for coffee from sampling all the different types and the smell was just amazing!

I achieved a physical goal too as I reached my five minutes on my plank on Saturday 13th February and it took me a while yet I finally got there with much determination, persistence and consistency. It was for sure difficult as it required lots of strength and my back felt immense pain from the exercise yet I was becoming much more aware of my posture as a result of doing the plank. I would immediately straighten my back as soon as I felt I was slouching which is a huge benefit.  I felt an enormous sense of satisfaction from within. Well done me!

I have been walking the mile from home to pick up Calvin from school which took me twenty five minutes approximately on dry days to make the most of our weather and it helped me to stay healthy, fit and I sleep better at night.

On reflecting what I achieved last month, I was thinking of where I was this time last year and what a magical twelve months I have had!

I made a very tough decision which affected Calvin, my youngest son, this time last year. I let go of a very toxic close friend due to their drama, shaming and complaining. Then my life became easier and more productive as I was no longer surrounded by their drama that they had created themselves.

Making tough decisions helps us to grow and evolve. Nothing ever grows when we stay within our comfort zone. When we are achieving our goals, we gain a higher quality of life and that is the most effective way to create happiness and contentment.

It is definitely onwards and upwards for me as I continue to set new short term goals to reach my long term goals and remain mentally strong from doing all of my exercises.

I am so excited about my continuous progress for the next twelve months!