How many of you set a New Year’s Resolution for 2018? How are you achieving it? Statistics indicate that a gargantuan 92% of people give up on their New Year’s Resolution before March. Why?


It’s a new year which means new beginnings, a new chapter and new opportunities.

Awesome Quotes New Beginnings God

I delivered a prepared speech last week at my Toastmasters club meeting about knowing what our why is!

We must know why we want to do something. Whatever we want from life, we must know why we want it.

January always heightens the emotions of those who have set themselves a New Year’s Resolution. They are excited about achieving their set resolution. Yet they have not did any of their required homework to get them to their goal.

The majority of people make New Year’s Resolutions, without knowing why they want to achieve their Resolution. They mainly focus on how to get there and neglect to ask themselves why they want to get their hands on their Resolution.

Focusing on the how to get to our Resolution exhausts us mentally and emotionally when we are faced with the daily challenges of life. Life is difficult enough without more unnecessary challenges. When we are focusing on the “how do I get  to my end result” of our Resolution, we do not have our “Why Power” as mentioned by Darren Hardy in his program “Living Your Best Year ever” which I asked for from my Aussie hubby. Darren Hardy informs his readers that having our “Why Power” is much more compelling and powerful than having a weak “How”.

Forget about the excitement of your New Year’s Resolution and start to focus on the Why! Why do you want to lose weight or go to the gym? Why do you want to stop smoking or gain more energy? Why do you want to earn more money or get a new job? The answer to your why is what pushes you to work on achieving your Resolution when the going gets tough, when you want to give up and quit.

By the end of January, as you are working towards your Resolution, your heightened emotions that you had at the beginning of January slowly disappears and dissipates. You are now left with no excitement to keep you focused on what you had set for yourself to accomplish. This is one of the many reasons why New Year’s Resolutions rarely work. It lacks the details. Without the details and specifics, we have no idea where we are heading. It is like getting inside a car, starting the engine, without knowing your destination. Why would you do that to yourself?

I know why I want to achieve every goal that I set for myself. There is a profound reason for each and every one of them. My reasons may sound crazy and impossible to some, yet to me, I am more than confident that I shall accomplish them because I trust myself and my capabilities.


With six and a half years of personal development, I am well advanced and ahead than those who have not invested in the time and effort to work hard on themselves. They lack trust in their own beliefs, self confidence, self discipline and this is why they make up any excuse citing that no amount of personal development works.

I realised the value of personal development from my well established mentor Jim Rohn whom I never got to meet, yet I have listened to a good amount of his speeches, seminars, read some of his books and continue to top up on his knowledge as often as possible.

Jim Rohn taught me that we must continue to educate ourselves with new skills and knowledge by reading and listening to the necessary materials to help us get ahead with life.

My why for my consistent daily personal development is what has powered me to where I am today. I have learned more in the past six and a half years, that is essential to achieving success than I ever did from attending school from the age of four until eighteen. School does not teach us how to accomplish our goals. We must teach ourselves.

Whenever I am stuck and want to quit on achieving my goals, I am able to bring out my “Why Power” to get me back on track to success. I know what the consequences would be if I did not accomplish my goals. The consequences are more compelling and powerful than any “How to get to my goal?”

What is your why?


Christmas Day after dinner, I am sitting on our living room couch, reflecting on my achievements. What have I achieved this year? What have I learned and gained this year? What am I grateful for this year?

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This time last year, I was working as a housekeeper with a micro managing manager who was extremely abusive, controlling and manipulating. She was far too toxic to be around. Thankfully I left that job at the end of January this year. What a huge sigh of relief to no longer go into work each morning and to listen to your manager tell you that no matter how hard you work, no matter how responsible you are, no matter how much effort you put into your work, it is never ever good enough. I felt super hyper, excited and energised when I walked into work on a Monday morning and told this toxic manager that I was “firing her”!  Woo hoo!

My next job was at a call centre, which was my first experience at a call centre and it was cold calling. I was eager to challenge myself to work in an office environment and learned that it was not my cup of coffee. I didn’t last there and thank goodness for that. It was a gargantuan blessing in disguise! Apparently this company was doing illegal things to their employees and I was saved when I was dismissed after five weeks! Hehe

My next job, which is my current one, began at the end of May. It was my first job as a server in over 15 years. It may not be my ideal job yet I get so much banter and fun with my colleagues. I get hugs from them and we are a great team. Having worked in an office environment and it didn’t suit me, this job is much more suitable for me because I get to talk to our customers, face to face. I get to be walking about instead of sitting down at a computer and that suits my “active, super hyper inner child”.

Career wise, I am still pursuing my public speaking goal by attending regular Toastmasters meetings. I completed my Competent Communication Manual in September and received my Advanced Manuals to further develop my public speaking skills. I came second in our club’s Table Topics Speech Contest also in September. I am in the process of applying to become a speaker at our local Tedx Talk in June next year. I want to step out of my comfort zone with my public speaking and expand. I am too comfortable at my local Toastmasters club and need new challenges! Hehe

On my personal life, I found my local Coda group in May to help me get onto the road to recovery and healing from my codependency. From attending regular meetings, I have gained a colossal amount of insights, knowledge and wisdom as to why I was set up to have unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic relationships. I am now able to recognise when I am being controlled, manipulated or abused by others. I am able to put up clear boundaries to protect myself from potential harm and pain. It has been excruciatingly painful to go through my past pains at Coda, where I was neglected, abandoned, abused and left in turmoil. The intense pains was absolutely necessary for me to go through to gain recovery and healing. There have been days this year where I thought of suicide due to the excruciating pain that I have been through from my dysfunctional family set up. I am grateful for my emotional intelligence otherwise I would probably be in hospital from self harm. The phrase “This too shall pass” has served me well. Thank you.

My most memorable moment this year was marrying my Aussie sweetheart in July, in Hong Kong. We had a wedding photo shoot which was paid for by his siblings. It was my dream and it came true because I asked. Planning, preparing and organising for our wedding required a tonne of help from hubby, hubby’s siblings, my cousins in Hong Kong and getting time off work. My mum, younger brother and his wife flew to Hong Kong for our wedding which was a blessing. Our wedding photo shoot was nowhere as glamorous as it is misled to be. I could not sit down in my choice of wedding dress at the studio. The wedding dress was ever so tight all over, I felt pain and discomfort throughout the photo shoot. Thank goodness the photographer was efficient and took less time with my wedding dress photos. I loved my choice of evening gown for our wedding photo shoot. It was extravagant, extremely comfortable and sexy!

Our big day turned out to be free of unexpected challenges. Sitting for two hours to have my make up and hair put up was my biggest challenge because this was my first and possibly my last! Haha   The weather stayed dry for us until after our ceremony at the registrar office. I had no idea what to expect when we got to my new mother-in-law’s home. Our traditional Chinese rituals was time consuming and tiring. It was extremely demanding and noisy with so many bodies. I didn’t know who was who. The best thing about the rituals was receiving money in red envelopes! Hehe

Our “banquet” in the evening was a rather casual affair. The atmosphere was fun and the children present created childlike memories for us to keep. I even got to deliver an impromptu speech with much confidence when hubby passed me the mic after he delivered his speech with many ahs and ers because he’s not a Toastmaster! Haha

Our honeymoon was a simple trip to Cheung Chaw, an island by 30 minutes ferry from Hong Kong. It rained all day on our second day and spoiled our adventure. However, I thoroughly enjoyed our alone time to bond and create more fond memories. I fell in love with the view of the beach from our balcony.  The heli pad outside was amazing!

Nurturing our LDR after our wedding has been challenging yet it has been delightful to know that we have a solid relationship foundation to fall back on. Our emotional intelligence between us has been a humongous bonus. We are still learning about each other and that can be both frustrating and fun. Our goal was to close this physical gap by the end of next year however, a major set back is holding us back. I was once told “set backs are setting us up for better things”, I am wondering what better things is coming our way from this major set back?

This year has given me more challenges to handle and deal with than last year. I have been emotionally drained from expanding and growing. Stepping out of my comfort zone on a consistent level has been ever so tiring, exhausting and I have gained more experiences and knowledge. I am most grateful for my local Coda group where I have learned a gargantuan load of things regarding my dysfunctional family set up.

I made an exceptionally tough decision to no longer attend family gatherings where my dad and younger brother would be present because their behaviours suck the happiness out of me as they have become far too toxic to be around for my health and well being. It broke my heart because I have always wanted to spend time with my family. I must do whatever I can to protect my happiness, health and well being.

There have been most of this year where I felt quite the loner due to me being very selective as to who I surround myself with. I went to the cinema for the first time on my own last month and thoroughly enjoyed the experience and craving to go on my own again! Hehe

I travelled to Sheffield last month on my own for my first Toastmasters Conference and that was a scary experience because I was going into the unknown on my own. The conference was a fantastic way for me to mingle with other Toastmasters from other areas in District 71. I got the opportunity to be interviewed by a radio presenter. Moira took me up to her room and conducted the interview in about 15 minutes. I felt like a celebrity! Hehe

I have come to realise that I no longer want to be surrounded with narcissistic people like Tony, whom I had spent some of my spare time with this year. I no longer enjoy the conversations with narcissistic people anymore. I enjoy intellectual conversations or any conversations to do with what I am interested or passionate about. The small talk, gossip, moaning, ranting and raving puts me to sleep. I love to connect with people and to relate to them. I love and enjoy friendships where we have many things in common. I rarely get what I crave in friendships and I would rather be a loner and lonely than be surrounded by people whom I do not enjoy their company with. I have learned to enjoy my own company since big brother passed away suddenly four years ago.

The last few days of 2017 shall be a more relaxed time for me to rest, recharge and plan ahead for 2018. My emotions have been consistently taken on a roller coaster ride this year due to my gargantuan, humongous and colossal personal growth. I am ever so proud of my accomplishments this year. I am ever so grateful to my Aussie hubby for being there as always to support me. He has been my rock! Thank you.

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I am excited for the New Year. More challenges. More personal growth and more life experiences to be gained. More goals to achieve which is my “hobby”. I have many prepared speeches to plan, prepare and practice for Toastmasters. I plan to participate in our club’s Speech Contest due to take place in March to step out of my comfort zone and grow. I am looking forward to whatever 2018 has in store for me because I have what it takes to handle them! Hehe




How many people do you know who are affected with the “winter blues”?  The lethargic feeling when we wake up in the winter mornings due to a lack of sunlight. The sluggish feeling of having no energy whatsoever to get us through our day, everyday. The feeling of “Oh five minutes of snooze time” and I shall get out of bed when our alarm goes off in the mornings when we have work to go to. The feeling of “Oh I just want to stay in bed and hibernate” each and every morning when that dreaded alarm goes off.  It is like the sky turns grey in winter along with my moods. Does any of these symptoms sound familiar to you?

I’ve had Seasonal Affective Disorder since I was in my mid teens. I remember the first early signs of this “mood disorder” was when I felt exceedingly sleepy one early evening as I sat on the couch watching television with dad and drifting off to sleep. I was very curious as to why I was feeling so sleepy and tired when I had did very little to tire my body. As the days of that winter passed, I realised I was extremely sleepy after the long dark nights set in. I just wanted to sleep my early evenings away after dinner.

As long as I had work to keep me busy, I would be able to stay awake. If and when I was idle on a day without any sunlight during the long and dark winter days, I found myself much more sleepy and tired. On a sunny, cold and freezing day during our winters, we would get enough sunshine to keep my moods up. Yet on a dull, dark and wet day, I would have no energy or mood whatsoever to do whatever I needed to do. I remember calling into work and telling my boss that I was sick, when I merely had no energy or the motivation to get into work. I stayed at home feeling heavily depressed and with no motivation or energy to take care of myself. I just stayed in bed and felt depressed for the entire day and night.

I had never learned anything about low moods, winter depression, winter blues, or anything associated with Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD. For many of my adult life, I lived through the dark, long and depressing winters, just dragging my body out of bed in the mornings with loads of energy and focus. It was a constant battle in the mornings for me to take care of my needs. As the day went on, my tiredness and sleepiness wore off and I felt more energised.


With the advances of technology, I was able to read up on SAD on the internet and learned that I could treat my symptoms with a “Light box”.  I bought my first “Light box” from Amazon at  the beginning of 2008 which was an alarm clock that lit up slowly thirty minutes before I was due to wake up. Having the sun beaming strongly at me each dark winter morning was a new found energy booster first thing in our dreary winter mornings for me. I was ecstatic and feeling like my regular self that I was during our Spring and Summer months from using my new “Light box”.

When I thought I had fixed my symptoms of SAD, something unexpected happened in October of 2008. I was diagnosed with depression by my doctor. That winter was one of the most challenging and overwhelming for me. I was signed off work for two weeks. I felt weak, fragile, vulnerable and anxious. I had never felt like this in my entire life. My SAD got from bad to worse. It took a number of years to get me out of that deep rut of depression.

My Amazon “Light box alarm clock” was only working to help me get out of bed. Yet, during the day, in the winters, I would feel sluggish and without any motivation whatsoever to live my life to the max. This changed when I invested in a bigger Light Box that I used in our living room. I would use it for around sixty to ninety minutes each day. It topped up my energy like going to the gym.


My diet was very poor during winter as I had an intense craving for salty, sweet or fatty foods which tired my body twenty times more. This went on for years until…….I started to take a daily capsule of St John’s Wort earlier this year. I took the St John’s Wort to fix my low moods during the seven days of my monthly PMS. I felt much more energetic and happier after starting on the St John’s Wort, throughout my monthly PMS. What a breakthrough!  I finally felt like I was getting my life back again. I was enjoying my new found energy.

So far this winter, I have been feeling my energy levels as high as when I was a teenager before my SAD symptoms appeared. I no longer crave as much of the salty, sweet and fatty foods as I did prior to taking St John’s Wort. My body is twenty times healthier this winter. What a fantastic feeling!  I shall continue to take my St John’s Wort. Thank you.


Norman Vincent Peale’s quote “Nothing of great value comes easily in this life” has me pondering why this is???  Since I began my journey with personal development in June 2011, I have been investing time in working hard on myself daily and consistently. I have reaped many gargantuan rewards from developing myself.  For the most part of this challenging year, I have been feeling deflated, crashed with disappointed that my life seems to be more challenging than when I began my personal development. Why?  What is it that creates this challenge?  I have the skills that I developed over the years to help me overcome set backs, challenges and hurdles. Life seems to constantly throw obstacles my way.  Sigh!

I take some time to recover from the emotional roller coaster that I am constantly dealing with, from my “Two steps back”. I even counted in my head and thought about this “two steps back”. “If I take one step forward and two steps back, how many steps forward have I taken?”  Call me crazy, stupid, incompetent or whatever, this mental maths is somewhat fucking confusing to me. I take one step forward, only to be taking two steps back, which means I have taken six steps forward. That must mean I am making progress right? Hang on a minute, I am taking twelve steps back for every step I take forward. How does that sum work out? Six steps forward and twelve steps back means progress?  How does that define progress?  How does that make sense?  There seems to be no logic in this crazy theory??? That was what was going through my mind recently as I was about to drift off to sleep one night.

I shared this confusing thought with my Aussie hubby. He explained to me that when one is making progress, one is going in a course of what is called an “S curve” meaning that there shall be ups and downs during their progress. Ups and downs?  Oh ok, then what do I do with these ups and downs?  They are holding me back as they create negative emotions for me to handle as well as handling the fact that I am in need of time out to recover from the emotional roller coaster that I have been on as life throws me many unexpected set backs, hurdles, obstacles, challenges and it never seems to stop.

It is demanding enough for me juggling work, chores, responsibilities of a mum, maintaining my overall health in good shape, maintaining a long distance relationship, continuing with my personal development and attend regular Toastmasters meetings as well as my CODA meetings. I rarely get a whole day to indulge on entertainment. If and when I do, I play catch up the next day, all day.  I have worked out that it works better for me to have half of a day for entertainment and catch up less the day after. Trials and errors is what helps me to find out what works and what doesn’t work for me.  “Mistakes are proof that I am trying!”  I am not afraid to make mistakes. They are a vital ingredient to my success.

I am no quitter. I have built grit over the years and nothing and nobody brings me down for long. I pick myself up, dust myself off and I take off soaring into the sky again, after I have taken some time to recover. Winners never quit. Quitters never win!

Today, I had planned to do some chores yet I was dragged down by the rainy weather, a disturbed sleep last night and a few issues that was brought to my attention regarding my LDR. What do I do?  I take time out to recover at home and cancelled my Toastmasters meeting. I was super hyper about it as I had taken on the role of Table Topics Master. Disappointed?  Yes I was. Yet I believe things happen for a good reason. Things shall keep on recurring until we learn the lesson that the universe wanted us to learn from.

Going back to Norman Vincent Peale’s quote, “nothing of great value comes easily in this life”……….I think we value the things that we worked exceptionally hard for. I am ever grateful to have been introduced to personal development back in June 2011. I took the opportunity to turn my life around. From being stuck in a deep rut, living my life for others, staying in toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationships and situations for far too long, to eliminating all negative, toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationships and situations. What a grand adventure I have been through!

At present, I have got to the level of personal development where I am consistent with my progress. I have achieved many small and big goals. I have developed a strong character. I have acquired many essential skills vital for a healthy relationship with myself and others. I make tough decisions, two of them was made last week and had me emotionally drained. I am extremely selective about the people I surround myself with. No drama queens. No complainers. No abusive, toxic and unhealthy relationships, even with my family. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time. I get to decide where to go, what to do and when to do it. I am smart about what I do with my time because once my day is gone, I shall never get it back. I think I have wasted more than enough time taking care of others. From now on, it is my time to shine and be self-ing.

One step forward and two steps back is progress. Only those who never take that one step forward, are the ones who are living in a deep rut, denying themselves of a better quality of life.

A better quality of life is what I strive for even if it means I am taking one step forward and two steps back everyday. Cheers to my “One step forward and two steps back!”

Decisions 3

Dear dad

After much serious consideration from the extremely unpleasant dinner I had with you and other family members on Wednesday evening, I have decided, for my overall health and well being, that I shall no longer be spending anymore of my valuable time with you or Tony. The dinner was not as enjoyable as it has been in the past. Add to the tension of our massive disagreement, I felt I had made a colossal mistake by attending the dinner. I have played in my head, thousands of times, of how I could have handled your shaming in a more constructive way. I think it would have been for my best interest to leave as soon as you started your abuse. That way, I would have put up a boundary with you where you know for certain that I do not tolerate any nonsense from you!

I see a very destructive pattern in your behaviour whenever we have dinner with extended family members. I get the same shaming from you as I did a number of years ago, when I found my voice through my personal development journey. I think you want to keep me under your control. I think you want me to stay quiet and keep my mouth shut. I have my rights to express my thoughts, feelings and opinions in this country.   I think you cannot handle the strong woman that I have become. I think you are scared of what I am becoming and therefore you want to control her. That shall never happen because I am more resilient and stronger now. I have my self esteem, confidence and inner strength to stand up to what I think is my rights. I shall express myself, just as Tony expresses himself at family gatherings. I deserve to be treated with respect and with equal rights as Tony. I do not tolerate double standards from you. Why is it acceptable for Tony to criticise my sons? Yet when I express myself whilst having a conversation with Tony, you scold me?  No dad your scolding is stopping here and now!

I am cutting the cord to being abused, dismissed, ignored, criticised, judged, ridiculed, shamed, controlled and manipulated by you and your unreasonable behaviours. I am no longer tolerating any form of abuse from you and Tony. I am cutting all ties with unhealthy, toxic and shaming ways of relating to me. I am living my life the way I want to. Nobody tells me what I can and cannot say or do. I get to decide what I say and what I do. I have the freedom to be who and what I was born to be. I am no longer keeping quiet whenever I am abused. I do not need your approval to live my life the way I want to live. I do not need your approval to be who and what I was born to be. I am not in any shape or form, to be controlled because I am free as a bird.

Since I began attending regular Coda meetings in May this year, I have learned that I stayed in unhealthy, toxic and destructive environments for far too long creating self harm. I have harmed myself for far too long. It is now time to be “Self-ing” and take care of myself and my health.

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The decision to stop spending my valuable time with you and Tony was an exceedingly tough and difficult one. It was absolutely necessary for my health. I am deeply hurt that I have had to make such a decision as you and Tony are my family. Why is our family this destructive and unable to show compassion, kindness and unconditional love for each other?  Why does Tony get away with murder and I am shamed for merely being me?  I noticed some years ago that my crazy mum who knows how to have fun is never ever herself in the presence of you dad. Then I realised why that is. It is because you are far too serious and boring. It is because you do not know how to have fun. It is because you are not childlike. It is because you are not connected with your inner child. I think you are scared of mum shaming you by being childlike. I think you are far too scared of what others will say about mum being childlike. I have heard you say things like “Don’t say or do that because people will laugh at you!”  Who gives a fuck as to what others think about what we say or do?  I certainly don’t because I am so busy having fun. I do not need others’ approval of me having fun and living my life to the max!

My heart has been stabbed once again this week!  I am recovering from the intense pain of what happened at dinner on Wednesday night. I want healthy relationships and that shall never happen with you and me because of your unresolved issues from your codependence. I have been left with only one option which has destroyed my delusion of what I would get from my family.   I realised that I must take great care of my emotional health or else I shall suffer from illnesses that shall cripple me and that is the last thing I want to deal with.

I once craved to have your unconditional love just like big brother had told me when he was alive. I once craved to have your compassion and empathy. I once craved to have a loving and caring dad. I have let go of this craving because it was my inner child’s, NOT mine!  A gargantuan part of me seems to have died this week!  How depressing and deeply painful that is!   Is it a coincidence that this happened on the week of my big brother’s fourth anniversary of his passing?  I think it happened during this time for a very good reason.

I want to express to you that you have lost your one and only daughter to your toxic and shaming ways. I have been thinking about cutting all contact with you because I am no longer prepared to be abused by you. I think you no longer deserve my valuable time. I think our relationship ends here. I even thought about not attending your funeral, when it comes, just like you were absent from big brother’s!

What is our family for if we are not capable of loving each other just the way we are? What is our family for if we are not capable to sit down, have dinner without being blunt with each other and shaming each other? What is our family for if we are not taking the time to understand each other and connect on a deeper level?  What is our family for if we are only going to kill each other with our nasty, cruel, shaming and toxic words each time we see each other at family gathering?

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I am once again deeply hurt and in intense pain from making such a difficult and tough decision about my family. I come first now because I am cutting the cord to your abuse!  Good bye dad!

When you know what you want and you want it bad enough, you shall find a way to get it!…… Jim Rohn!

Jim Rohn quotes

How bad we want something and doing whatever it takes to get it,  is what has been helping me to get what I want, badly!

I have been having this nagging voice inside my head for some weeks recently that was fierce and relentless. It would go on and on, consistently, telling me what it wanted badly. It was telling me that it wanted my Aussie hubby to fly over from Sydney to celebrate my next birthday with me. It was telling me that it was very unfair how I have celebrated Aussie hubby’s birthday three times on his birthday month and he has yet to celebrate my birthday with me, on my birthday month. This is the colossal downside to a long distance relationship. Sigh!

“Yes I acknowledge you, I hear you,  shut up please!  Let me get on with my tasks. I shall ask Aussie hubby to fly over next March to celebrate my birthday with me!”

I asked and I shall receive!  Woo hoo!  Aussie hubby said yes to my “special request”.  I was over the moon and wanted to scream with my super hyper excitement!  Hehe

Oh thank goodness for asking because my nagging inner voice has shut up!  Phewwww!  Peace and quiet to complete my tasks! Woo hoo!  High five!

I shall have my mushy Aussie hubby here with me physically, to celebrate my next birthday!  How exciting and exhilarating!  Hehe

I have never had a birthday cake, birthday present or birthday party from my parents. I have never had them sing happy birthday to me. I have had my friends celebrate my birthday with me. Yet, my parents never had birthday cakes, birthday presents or birthday parties therefore I never them from my parents. Things gets passed on from one generation to the next ,until we break that cycle. I think it is very sad and disappointing that I have never even had dinner with my parents for my birthday. It is not in their belief to do such a thing. Yet, my younger brother had birthday cakes with candles lit for his birthdays when he was a child. How unfair!

I think it is my inner child who is screaming to have her unmet needs met!   She is screaming loudly and proudly to have someone who loves her to spoil her, to pamper her, to give her a birthday cake with lit candles and a birthday present that she truly deserves!   This shall happen next March!  Yes! Yes! Yes! Woo hoo!

I am going to have so much fun with my Aussie hubby on my birthday!  We shall bring our inner child out to play and be childlike. Oh what fun!

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Never ever underestimate the importance of having fun!  It keeps us young. It keeps us happy. It keeps us healthy. It keeps our relationship alive and strong!  Here’s to fun!  Cheers!

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It’s has almost been six months since I found my local CODA group here in Glasgow.  What a journey I have had!  The ups and downs. The lows and highs. The volcano of emotions erupting whenever I have had the courage to share at our weekly meetings. The memories flooding my body as I recall all of the physical, emotional and intellectual abuse I experienced as a child and teenager has been intense. The mud in the bucket of water being stirred  and getting messy as I share about my painful past. The thoughts of “Goodness knows what I can gain from these shares!”  One thing I am certain that I have gain from sharing…….which has been my experiencing growing pains in gargantuan intensity in the past two months.

Thank goodness for my six years of personal development. My consistent daily investment in working hard on myself has proved to be priceless and more valuable than my formal education. Formal education never taught me emotional intelligence nor did my parents. I am so grateful for my developing emotional intelligence as it has been my best friend recently. I can still have my fun and laughter even though some days seem so stormy, thunderous, freezing and extremely unsettling. My sleep has been disturbed most nights since I began attending my CODA meetings which is to be expected.

I have had more anxiety to deal with in the past few months than I ever could recall, possibly due to the fact that I am much more connected with my emotions from my personal development. Thank goodness for my daily practice in yoga, meditation and my exercises to help me ride with the waves of emotions coming through everyday. Some days I feel like I am riding a colossal roller coaster where I am taken to the top in slow motion, then I come crashing down to the bottom in a matter of a split second. I am feeling very anxious as I am typing this. Breath in, breath out. Taking deep breathes and pauses whenever I feel the tide of anxiety come through. Yes, I acknowledge you, anxiety. What is it that you want from me? Oh you are scared of so many uncertainties in life? Ok, that’s quite alright. Let me keep you safe and reassure you that I am here for you and to protect you. Ahhhhh………that feels so much better now!  Thank you.

The frustration of having my sleep disturbed every morning around 3am to 5am as I wake up to pee has died slowly like a snail crawling. I have learned to accept that this is how life is for me due to my personal growth. This too, shall pass. Everything takes time. Time has been something that I am very aware of. I have been talented at spending my time with much wisdom. I feel like I am in debt with time due to my dysfunctional family set up of taking on the caretaker role in my family. I was robbed of living my life for myself, whilst I was care taking everyone else. I lost my true authentic self. I lost the freedom to live for myself. I lost so much and now it is time to get it all back for me. I have no time to waste on unimportant things and people. It is time to shine and be the best version of myself that I could ever possibly be.

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Yes, life is difficult. There is no doubt about it. We are all carrying the pains from our past with us each and everyday. We can learn to become stronger from our pains or we can become weaker. What we choose is what we become. We are all capable of creating a far greater, better and brighter future for ourselves regardless of what intense pains we are carrying around each day. What doesn’t break us, makes us stronger. It is all about how we respond to our pains. It is all about our mindset. It is all about our attitude towards life and grabbing what life has to offer with both hands and feet! Haha   Life is such a valuable creation. We must cherish what we have in our lives, no matter how it drags us down and drain us.

I ask for my sound and deep sleep each night, to feel energised, revitalised and super charged to see me through my daily challenges without the challenge of disturbed sleep each night. Thank you. I ask for the courage to continue with my daily, consistent personal development to help me through life and whatever it throws my way. Thank you. I ask for the abundance of energy and happiness when I wake up each morning to start my day. Thank you.

Practising gratitude has taught me to be grateful for the smallest thing that we have in our lives. From the water that runs through our taps, to our beds and the roof over our heads. People can moan and groan about how they are struggling in their daily lives, without stopping to see the value of the priceless things they have that homeless people would die to have to feel safe and secure. Walking on the streets of Glasgow City Centre, heading into work, I feel blessed to have a roof over my head to feel safe and secure. To sleep knowing that I am protected and warm. My struggles are absolutely nothing compared to what homeless people are dealing with each day. As our winter is setting in and the cold, dark, longer nights are becoming the norm, coming home to central heating, running water, food and a bed would have any homeless person smile from ear to ear!

Source: How powerful is your positive mental attitude?



How many of you take the time to ask yourself why am I faced with so many daily challenges, problems, set backs, dilemmas and hurdles and it never ever seems to end?

I was once drained mentally and physically of all my daily challenges, problems, set backs, dilemmas and hurdles that never ever seemed to end. That was prior to my stupendous journey with my self development over six years ago.

I turned my life around from having a victim mentality to having an open mind to how I could possibly improve my boring, stuck in a deep rut life where I was merely existing for the benefits of my three sons as I was a single mother with no goals to work towards.

I had been deeply influenced by the negative, toxic and dysfunctional people around me until I gradually let them go one by one in order to grow, expand and make consistent progress. We are the product of the first five people we surround ourselves with each day. We are the influence of the first five people we spend the most time with.

The average people that I was surrounded with were going nowhere noticeably successful. They were stuck in a deep rut, living a mediocre life just muddling through each day without any sense of direction as to where they were heading because they had no well defined goals to work towards. Their quality of life was as low as the average Tom, Dick and Harry. That was me!………Until I began my journey to become to best version of myself each day.

I was first asked “What do you really want from life Kit?” when I attended a personal development course back in June 2012 in Edinburgh. That weekend changed my life forever because of a few reasons:

  1. I got to focus on me, on my life and on what I really wanted to accomplish in my life before I die.
  2. I got to create a vision board for what I really wanted to achieve for me and NOT for others.
  3. I finally began to live my life for me and NOT others.
  4. I got the opportunity to meet some light minded people who were supportive and encouraging, which was what I longed for yet until then, I had never been given.
  5. I was beginning to enjoy life and focus on the good, the positive, the fun, the dreams and all that I could possibly achieve.

My crazy mother has always been my biggest inspiration since I was a child because she always seems to have this “I shall do it even if it kills me” attitude within her. As a child, my crazy mother was like Wonder Woman, Superwoman or any Super Hero that you have come across. That is how I saw my crazy mother as a child growing up. She could always fix things, solve problems, see the good in every bad situation, trust that she shall achieve what she sets for herself even if it kills her. I never knew what it was my crazy mother had within her as a child, I just knew she was a woman with some special talent. Today, that special talent within my crazy mother is known as “Positive mental attitude” to me.


When I was at the tender age of eight, I flew for the first time with my crazy mother and big brother. From Hong Kong to Glasgow, Scotland. My crazy mother does not speak fluent English, (she speaks Chinglish) yet she was courageous and brave enough to get us to Scotland with just one sentence, “I am going to Glasgow!”  This one sentence has earned my crazy mother the title of “The most talented, courageous and brave woman” award. I spoke about this inspirational story at my wedding dinner in Hong Kong, in July this year, because I believed that my talented, special and crazy mother deserved the recognition for her bravery. She didn’t think it was anything that was worth mentioning because she just knew she had to do it to get us all to Scotland.

I am so grateful to have had my crazy mother’s special talents passed onto me. My special mother’s “I shall get this shit done” attitude has helped me to get to where I am at today. I may have made more mistakes than others during my progress to become the best version of myself, yet mistakes are proof that I am trying. I am where I am at because I have a vision, a dream and goals. These three elements have been a tremendous tool for my personal growth. I am getting tasks completed no matter how difficult or challenging they may seem.

I am able to see beyond my challenges, problems, set backs, dilemmas and hurdles because I am now much more focused on the end result and no longer give my attention and energy to the difficulties that once clouded my progress. The once “Oh I can’t do this, it’s too difficult” has become “Let me see how I am able to get through this” attitude.

If we are surrounded with people who are constantly focused on their daily challenges, instead of searching and asking for ways to get through them and learn, we are more than likely to be deeply influenced by their habits. Poor self realisation and self discipline kills our positivity and optimism. We must reflect on our daily actions in order to get more out of our lives. We are solely responsible for what we give out to the universe. Give out positive thoughts and get positive thoughts back, multiplied. My crazy mother knows this and she had a very poor education.

I am very selective about who I spend my time with. I enjoy a chit chat with anyone and everyone. Yet my time is very valuable and I must be aware of who I give my time to. I prefer to plan my day before it begins. I prefer to have a structure to my day. I get my tasks completed when I have planned it out. I maintain my high level of positive mental attitude by staying away from anything and anyone who sucks the happiness out of me. The “victims” are the worst happiness suckers that I avoid at all costs.

Some people cannot and do not know how to handle happiness. These are the people who do not know how to get the best from their lives. They live for drama and sadness. As an ENFJ, I need happiness in order to thrive and be my best. I need happiness in order to be optimally energetic. I have learned what works for my goals and what doesn’t. Achieving my goals has become a colossal part of my life because I know where I am heading in three, five and ten years time.


I am attracted to people who are optimistic and they are more successful than those who are pessimistic. I want success. I want to achieve my goals. I shall no longer allow myself to be surrounded by those who are living in the “victim” mentality. I love to have fun with myself and others. Fun is a vital ingredient to having a higher quality of life. If I meet someone who is a “Sour face”, I run a mile away from them! Why be around a “Sour face” when I can have all the fun in the world?

There are so many advantages to having a positive mental attitude. I shall mention a few that I have up my sleeves……..

  1. Life becomes easier for us and others around us when we are able to see beyond the bad and the ugly.
  2. We maintain a higher level of positive energy.
  3. We live a higher quality of life.
  4. We are less likely to become sick with minor ailments such as colds, coughs, headaches, aches and pains in our body, insomnia etc etc etc
  5. We can laugh at a difficult situation and still find a solution to our daily struggles.
  6. We attract success to us as we are giving out more positive thoughts.
  7. we are more connected with our emotions and less likely to have a nervous breakdown.
  8. We are less likely to have anxiety and other mental illnesses that drains us.
  9. We see the sunshine even during the thunderstorms.
  10. We focus on what we have instead of what we don’t have.
  11. We are more grateful for all of the challenges that has come our way because we learn from each of them and become stronger.
  12. We develop grit with is one of the many vital ingredients to achieving our goals.
  13. We are more likely to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get back on track to achieving our goals after experiencing a grieving loss in our lives.
  14. We are much more genuine, authentic and true to ourselves.
  15. We are more connected with our inner child as we know that it is imperative that we have fun each day to help us get through the set backs.
  16. We ask ourselves “What could I learn from this” whenever life throws us a curve ball instead of being in the “victim” mentality.
  17. We are less likely to be swayed by others’ opinions of ourselves because we are mentally strong.
  18. We build a stronger personal foundation for our personal growth.
  19. We become an attractive person by becoming successful.
  20. Last of all, we know the importance of living our lives for others and NOT anyone else.




When was the last time you had an idea and stepped forward to creating a plan and made it work?  When was the last time you allowed your creativity to run wild and go for what your mind had conceived? When was the last time you achieve a goal because you believed in yourself?  People with a high level of positive mental attitude gets things done. They are doers. They never allow their fears to paralyse them into idleness. They embrace their fears. They are connected with their fears. They feel the fear and do it anyway. That is the power of a positive mental attitude at it’s highest level. How strong is your PMA – positive mental attitude?  YOU are more than capable of increasing the strength of your PMA.

If and when someone tells you that what you want to achieve cannot be done, just say to them “Watch me!”

I have achieved many of my goals because of the power and strength of my PMA. Once a strong and powerful PMA has been developed, nothing and nobody is capable of taking it away from us. Our PMA shall always be living within us.

What is the quality of life that you want to live with? How far do you want to go with life? Why are you living life with limiting beliefs?

I encourage you all to start a plan to strengthen your PMA to it’s highest level and be a success that you shall be proud of one day. Start a plan to surround yourself with people who are light minded, knows how to have fun, have goals and a strong and powerful PMA. You deserve to achieve all that your mind conceives. Let’s go and step forward to achieving our goals and live that higher quality of life!


I hear the phrase “One step forwards and two steps back” now and again. I only experienced this pain since I began my journey with personal development over six years ago. Before this grand adventure, my life was lived in a cage, trapped, imprisoned and was extremely painful. I was living for care taking others’ needs and had neglected my own. I never experienced a life of freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted until I was almost 40 years young. My first step into freedom and living my life for myself was letting go of the fear of thinking I must have my then husband in my life for both financial and emotional security. I later learned that my dysfunctional family set up had set me to think this way. I learned that this way of thinking was not mine. It was passed onto me from my parents way of thinking and from their dysfunctional family set up.


At times, I am amazed at my gargantuan progress into a new life of learning new skills, stepping out of my comfort zone from every angle of life and becoming more competent and stronger each day. At other times, my old self surfaces that was buried deep into the dark corner and she wants to take control of my life again. Oh no way!  I shall never allow you to gain control of my new freedom and adventurous life because I deserve the best and I have no intention whatsoever of going backwards.

I reflect on my progress once a week most times and I am at times, overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by how far I have come and how much success I have gained and achieved. This feeling of intense emotions of gaining so much success in six years seems a very short period of time to me. Yet, six years is logically, a good portion of one’s life spent consistently and constantly working hard on one’s personal growth. How many people do you know that has spent six years on a consistent and constant level at working hard on themselves to achieve their goals for personal growth?

How many of you have experienced any sort of emotional pain from your personal growth? What did the pain feel like? How long did the pain last? After I came home from Hong Kong at the end of July this year, I have had a highly intense sort of emotional pain that has lingered and loitered around my body. I think the intense pain came from my weekly progress from attending my CODA meetings where I am getting so much support to help me onto the road to recovery from my codependence. I only learned about codependence from reading self help books after I began my self development. No one had told me about it until then. I never heard of it until I began reading those valuable self help books. What a grand revelation for me!  I finally knew and understood why I was living my life for others for such a long period of time. I finally knew and understood how I was set up to have unhealthy and toxic relationships with both men and women.

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I had suffered and endured a life of being controlled and imprisoned. A life where what I needed, wanted and desired was of no importance whatsoever to my loved ones. I felt like I was invisible to them all. I wanted to scream and be let out of the cage. I seemed to have lost my loud and proud voice somewhere along the way of care taking others. The intense pain of living in prison with no freedom to live my life as the person I truly was had taken it’s toll on my authentic self. I lost such an enormous part of my authenticity when I finally set myself free from an unfulfilled marriage that lasted far too long. It took me many a struggle with many dark days and nights to find my authentic self.

Today, my authentic self is living for herself and life is brighter, bigger and so much better. However, personal growth has it’s price. What price?  The price of no longer allowing that inner voice, that inner critic to take control of my freedom and inner peace. The price of no longer allowing my irrational fears to hold me back from making further progress. Progress has been and still is overwhelmingly painful. That deep and intense emotional pain of finally letting go of my old self that I lived with for almost forty years is so scary. My old self is fighting to be here and be present in my new freedom. My old self is too uncomfortable with freedom. She has no idea how to handle freedom to live her life as she wants and desires. My old self is familiar with drama, chaos, abuse, neglect and abandonment. My old self is familiar with unhealthy and toxic relationships. I am no longer surrounding myself with drama, chaos, abuse, neglect and abandonment which means my old self is dying a violent, sharp and grievous death. How horrifying for my old self? She is fighting with every ounce of energy she has left to get back the control she once governed with strong power. She is only comfortable and familiar with unhealthy and toxic relationships where abuse, manipulation, control, shame, fear, abandonment and neglect is everyday life for her. She has no idea how to handle healthy and functional relationships.

There is a constant fight with my old self and new self in recent months. My old self is unwilling to let go without the last fight with her last breath. She is a bold and strong warrior. She is stubborn with so much grit we could cover the entire universe with it! Warriors die fighting. They never give up. giving up has never been an option for them.


I think my dysfunctional family set up shall always be inside of me. It shall always be deep and muddy. That mud is coming up as fast as I can blink. That mud has been creating the intense emotional pain for me because of my consistent and constant personal growth. My body has endured all sorts of physical pain this year and I have had to take time off work and from my personal life in order to recover. The chaos from my past and dysfunctional family set up has taken it’s toll on my body. My organs has weakened to frightening heights and I have been through a desperately slow yet certain recovery with promising results. It has certainly been an insightful journey to what causes my physical illnesses. I learned that from ignoring my strong and severe negative emotions, I have paid the ultimate price!

I think I am over the worst emotional pain from my personal growth. I think I am now finally on the road to a slow yet definite recovery. Recovery of weakened organs and physical sickness. My future certainly seems clearer, brighter and more purposeful to the extent of finally gaining my inner peace and tranquility. The inner peace and tranquility of feeling happy with where I am with my life even though there are certain small aspects of my life that I would love to change, yet those annoyances are beyond my control.  


I feel more at ease today.  I am feeling blessed and grateful for my life of an abundance of happiness, health, wealth and love. Today, I started my day with positive thoughts. I began my day with exercise, yoga, meditation, affirmations and visualisations. This is my Miracle Morning routine that I learned from reading “The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. I set myself up for a more successful day and that was what I received. Thank you.