Norman Vincent Peale’s quote “Nothing of great value comes easily in this life” has me pondering why this is???  Since I began my journey with personal development in June 2011, I have been investing time in working hard on myself daily and consistently. I have reaped many gargantuan rewards from developing myself.  For the most part of this challenging year, I have been feeling deflated, crashed with disappointed that my life seems to be more challenging than when I began my personal development. Why?  What is it that creates this challenge?  I have the skills that I developed over the years to help me overcome set backs, challenges and hurdles. Life seems to constantly throw obstacles my way.  Sigh!

I take some time to recover from the emotional roller coaster that I am constantly dealing with, from my “Two steps back”. I even counted in my head and thought about this “two steps back”. “If I take one step forward and two steps back, how many steps forward have I taken?”  Call me crazy, stupid, incompetent or whatever, this mental maths is somewhat fucking confusing to me. I take one step forward, only to be taking two steps back, which means I have taken six steps forward. That must mean I am making progress right? Hang on a minute, I am taking twelve steps back for every step I take forward. How does that sum work out? Six steps forward and twelve steps back means progress?  How does that define progress?  How does that make sense?  There seems to be no logic in this crazy theory??? That was what was going through my mind recently as I was about to drift off to sleep one night.

I shared this confusing thought with my Aussie hubby. He explained to me that when one is making progress, one is going in a course of what is called an “S curve” meaning that there shall be ups and downs during their progress. Ups and downs?  Oh ok, then what do I do with these ups and downs?  They are holding me back as they create negative emotions for me to handle as well as handling the fact that I am in need of time out to recover from the emotional roller coaster that I have been on as life throws me many unexpected set backs, hurdles, obstacles, challenges and it never seems to stop.

It is demanding enough for me juggling work, chores, responsibilities of a mum, maintaining my overall health in good shape, maintaining a long distance relationship, continuing with my personal development and attend regular Toastmasters meetings as well as my CODA meetings. I rarely get a whole day to indulge on entertainment. If and when I do, I play catch up the next day, all day.  I have worked out that it works better for me to have half of a day for entertainment and catch up less the day after. Trials and errors is what helps me to find out what works and what doesn’t work for me.  “Mistakes are proof that I am trying!”  I am not afraid to make mistakes. They are a vital ingredient to my success.

I am no quitter. I have built grit over the years and nothing and nobody brings me down for long. I pick myself up, dust myself off and I take off soaring into the sky again, after I have taken some time to recover. Winners never quit. Quitters never win!

Today, I had planned to do some chores yet I was dragged down by the rainy weather, a disturbed sleep last night and a few issues that was brought to my attention regarding my LDR. What do I do?  I take time out to recover at home and cancelled my Toastmasters meeting. I was super hyper about it as I had taken on the role of Table Topics Master. Disappointed?  Yes I was. Yet I believe things happen for a good reason. Things shall keep on recurring until we learn the lesson that the universe wanted us to learn from.

Going back to Norman Vincent Peale’s quote, “nothing of great value comes easily in this life”……….I think we value the things that we worked exceptionally hard for. I am ever grateful to have been introduced to personal development back in June 2011. I took the opportunity to turn my life around. From being stuck in a deep rut, living my life for others, staying in toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationships and situations for far too long, to eliminating all negative, toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationships and situations. What a grand adventure I have been through!

At present, I have got to the level of personal development where I am consistent with my progress. I have achieved many small and big goals. I have developed a strong character. I have acquired many essential skills vital for a healthy relationship with myself and others. I make tough decisions, two of them was made last week and had me emotionally drained. I am extremely selective about the people I surround myself with. No drama queens. No complainers. No abusive, toxic and unhealthy relationships, even with my family. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time. I get to decide where to go, what to do and when to do it. I am smart about what I do with my time because once my day is gone, I shall never get it back. I think I have wasted more than enough time taking care of others. From now on, it is my time to shine and be self-ing.

One step forward and two steps back is progress. Only those who never take that one step forward, are the ones who are living in a deep rut, denying themselves of a better quality of life.

A better quality of life is what I strive for even if it means I am taking one step forward and two steps back everyday. Cheers to my “One step forward and two steps back!”