Archives for the month of: February, 2018

Decision making 2

When was the last time you were stuck with making an important decision? What a huge dilemma!!!

I am rarely indecisive because I am self assured and go with the flow…….why? I am a doer!  I do things, I make things happen, without thinking of the consequences at all…….which has it’s pros and cons. I rarely think of the consequences of my actions because I rarely think at all!!  That is who and what I am. When I do think, I get drained by all the details, the specifics, the what if’s and but’s and it totally sucks the happiness out of me. I think I am allergic to the negatives of thinking……of the consequences. Of all the what if’s and but’s that comes through my head. Why think so much and spend so much of my valuable time thinking when I could be doing, of being productive and getting results? Although the results may not be ideal and productive, I think one learns from doing ten times more than thinking!

My Aussie hubby tells me that I suffer the consequences of NOT planning the details and specifics of my plans in advance, which has detrimental consequences to my well being and health. He said I am missing out on stuff and things which has been a disadvantage, in his opinion. I do understand his point of view. Yet, how many times have I did something without thinking too much into it and learned from my mistakes than planning it to the last minute detail and coming up with all the irrational fears of “What if this happens and what if that happens” which only creates irrational fears for me to think about?

Missing out on stuff and things can be a disadvantage?  Yes and no. I think I would miss out ten times more from not taking action due to my irrational fears of the “What if’s and but’s” than I would from planning my actions to the tiniest little detail. To argue this point, there are times when it is totally vital and imperative to planning everything in minute detail, such as flying to a destination where we need our passport, travel insurance and all the other essentials necessary to enjoy our holiday. Minimise all potential risks and mistakes for a stress free holiday is my motto since I have gained much more experience and knowledge of travelling from flying since 2012.

I have a gargantuan issue with time. I was the caretaker in my family, taking care of everyone else other than myself. My needs, wants and desires were abandoned, neglected and dismissed. Due to this being a colossal part of my life until I decided to become a single mother and set myself free from my unfulfilled marriage, I never had the freedom to be my true authentic self. I never had the freedom to make mistakes, make decisions for myself and my life. Life is about trial and error. How do we know when a decision is the wrong or inappropriate one when we never make mistakes? How do we learn from life when we never make any mistakes? Not making a decision is still making a decision. The decision to procrastinate. Procrastination is the killer to progress and fulfillment in life.

Procrastination 3

I think the biggest difference in the thinkers and doers is the obvious one which is: thinkers think of all the things that could and would go wrong when making a decision because they are in their heads 90% of the time, whilst the doers are exactly the opposite. They are doing and taking action 90% of the time. Yes they make more mistakes than the thinkers, why?  They are the ones who are comfortable with making mistakes, again and again!  They learn more effectively from their mistakes than sitting and thinking of all the “What if’s and but’s” or as my Aussie hubby says “The consequences”!

Fuck the consequences because there are consequences to every little or big decision that we make. Our decision could be fool proof. It could be what we think is the perfect decision. It could be what we think “Nothing could go wrong” or “I have minimised all the possible things that could ever go wrong”. How much time is required to minimise all the possible things that could go wrong with any important decision we make? By the time a thinker has thought of all the actions they could take to minimise all of the possible things that could go wrong, I have already completed that same task.

Mistakes are deadly to thinkers 90% more than the doers. Doers are more comfortable with taking risks. Even the higher risks. Maybe one could argue that the doers are far too hasty, irrational and dysfunctional. Maybe they are right. I am certainly irrational when it comes to making decisions. I make my decisions based on my feelings. There is no rational thinking with me because I am ever so connected with my feelings. However, last night, I was faced with such a colossal dilemma with an important decision, I asked for the opinion of my middle son who was available (which is exceptionally rare) and my Aussie hubby in order to get their opinion and perspective. I wanted to have more information and details, which drains me and it was vital for my decision. I was amazed at my decision to get others’ opinions and perspective which is exceedingly out of my character. I was highly proud of myself for NOT making a hasty and rushed decision where the high risks could have cost me unnecessary ill health and negative emotions.

I think Jim Rohn has taught me well, exceptionally. He taught me that whenever I am faced with difficulties with making an important decision, to get pen and paper out. to write out what my issue is, write out my possible solutions, write out the pros and cons to each solution that I could possibly think of. This works for me. Thank goodness!

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Happy Valentine’s Day to you beautiful people! What did you receive for Valentine’s Day?

I think this carry on with Valentine’s Day has become far too commercialised. Retailers, hotels, restaurants, florists, pubs, beauty salons, holiday destinations and more are all exploiting Valentine’s Day to increase their profits. Anyone in a business tries everything they possibly can to exploit and to take advantage of those who do not want to miss out on receiving gifts, in order to make them feel loved. I remember falling for this trap, that has become more expensive and ridiculous as the years passes. Receiving gifts, especially for women, gives us the feeling that someone was thinking of us, that we are worthy of spending the much more expensive bunch of flowers, chocolates, dinner by candlelight and much more. This gift receiving increases our self worth which to me, is dysfunctional and unhealthy. None of us need gifts to increase our self worth.

We need to fall in love with ourselves first. We need to accept ourselves for who and what we are. We need to love ourselves unconditionally. We need to show our flaws, imperfections, mistakes, scars, wounds, bruises and vulnerabilities. We need to be authentic and true with ourselves. We need to love everything about ourselves and our bodies ladies.

I remember demanding a bunch of flowers be given to me for my Valentine’s Day a number of years ago, in order for me to show off my worth!  Not many women likes to be left out and or missing out on receiving gifts on Valentine’s Day. Some women even go to the lengths of paying for a bunch of flowers to be sent to their work and have their colleagues believe that she has a special man in her life when she is single. How sad I hear you say?  I think it’s a fantastic idea because she loves herself to spend that sort of money on herself. Would I do it?  Absolutely no fucking way!  It is a personal choice. I am an extremely practical girl. Spending a small fortune on a bunch of flowers that has had it’s price increased because it is Valentine’s Day, in order to fill a void in my life?  Fuck off!  I would save that money towards a holiday, a life experience that I get to create memories for years to come. A bunch of flowers from the florist lasts a maximum of ten days to fourteen, if you can stretch it that far! Haha

Since I began my personal development journey over six and a half years ago, I have learned to fall in love with myself, with my life, with my body and with who and what I was born to be. I sent myself Valentine’s cards when I knew no one would. I sent myself postcards too whilst I was travelling in foreign land. I bought myself flowers whenever I wanted. I treated myself to whatever I wanted to because I deserved to. I went to the cinema on my own for the first time last year. I have learned to spoil myself rotten because I deserve to.

ladies, save your man’s money on Valentine’s Day and ask him to spoil you throughout the year which is cheaper and more cheerful. There’s no need to conform to society’s expectations and unspoken standards that men must spoil us rotten on Valentine’s Day or it means that they don’t love us or value us. Be smarter than falling for the exploitation of the commercialised businesses.

Why does men have such a hard time pleasing his lady throughout the year and then on Valentine’s Day too? Give your man a break and ask him what he wants for his Valentine’s Day? Spoil your man rotten for his Valentine’s Day because he deserves it too.

Would you like to know what I received for my Valentine’s?  A mushy Valentine’s card and an entire box of chocolates that was a gargantuan surprise. That’s all I received. No expensive flowers from the florist, no higher price dinner or theatre. No, absolutely none. Why?  I told my Aussie hubby that I think Valentine’s Day is merely a way for businesses to rake in extra money at the expensive of the weak and vulnerable. I told him that I think we need to show our love to our special someone throughout the year and not do it on this particular day in order for businesses to take advantage of us.

Let’s be smarter with our man’s money and save it for memories that we create throughout the year. Fuck Valentine’s day!

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I’m exhausted, drained and feeling so fed up with my aches and pains from life. I wake up in our freezing and dark mornings to the music from my alarm clock, to cook breakfast for my twelve year old son Calvin,  in order for him to get a cooked breakfast before he leaves for school. I was never looked after like this from my parents when I got into high school. I want to give this to Calvin because he deserves it. It also allows him to eat breakfast with his mum instead of either going without breakfast or eating on his own which he detests. He would rather not eat go at all or go for something that doesn’t give him the vital nutrients that his growing body requires for optimal health.

I long to feel as energetic as I did when I was a little child. I long to have the unconditional love from my parents. I would love to have the freedom and the right to make my own choices, even though my choices could be wrong. Making wrong choices is the only way to learn what is right and what is wrong for me and my life. I long to have the total freedom to be who and what I was born to be. Loud and proud. Noisy and crazy. Funny and witty. Speaks my mind to express my thoughts and feelings, with no intentions of offending anyone.

I long to have the freedom to do whatever I want with my time, instead of taking care of others who do not love me unconditionally. I would love to have my valuable time back where I could just be me. The person I was born to be. The person I longed to be. The person who longed to be free to be who she is. I have accumulated a tonne of aches and pains from being controlled and abused from my dysfunctional and unhealthy family system. I dream of being born into a functional and healthy family system. I dream of having functional and healthy parents and siblings. I dream of having boundaries and a solid structure in my life, instead of being told to go here and there or told to do this and that, without the freedom to refuse.

I am struggling immensely to parent my inner child and inner teen. They are exceptionally demanding and difficult to parent because I was not parented in a functional and healthy manner.  On a productive day, I get to complete all of my tasks that I had planned. On an unproductive day, I feel sick and exhausted from my aches and pains from life. On a sunny day like today, I want to get an many tasks completed as possible because the sunshine lifts me up. On a dull and deary day, I just want to be a couch potato and binge watch my favourite TVB drama. I just want to do absolutely nothing and spoil myself with what I enjoy doing as a child. I just want to play like I did as a child in Hong Kong, with big brother and cousin Becky. Those were my happiest days of my childhood. I miss those days so much!

Being a single mother with three sons, who were also born into a dysfunctional family system, my two older sons were taught by their dad’s mother that boys don’t do housework.  I have struggled and been challenged to have them help me with our housework. My two older sons were never taught to get into the good and responsible habit of helping around our home with housework. Calvin, who was cared for by my parents, since he was a baby, was taught mainly by my mum, to help around the home with housework. Calvin is smart to negotiate with me on getting pocket money for helping me with our housework nowadays because he’s focused on saving money. He knows that he deserves to be paid for his valuable time and effort. I would never have been this smart to negotiate with my parents for helping with housework. Nor was I taught that I deserved to get something for my valuable time and effort.

I long to have been valued and felt important to my parents. I long to have a healthier and more loving relationship with my parents. Sadly, that shall never happen. Sadly, that has not happened in my current job either. That is why I have handed in my notice. I learned from this current job, that I need to feel I am valued and feel important to my employer. This has been an insightful lesson in my life.

Awesome Quotes New Beginnings God

I am due to start a new job next week with a new employer, who has already shown me that they value their employees. I am grateful that my vision ( which I wrote at the beginning of last month)  for my ideal job is becoming a reality. Woo hoo!  I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel!  The aches and pains from this current job shall end at the end of this week. I am absolutely delighted and bursting with excitement. I also have butterflies churning inside my tummy, with an exuberant load of anxiety due to me going into the unknown with a new job. I got into a new job this time last year and only lasted five weeks in it. I think my subconscious mind is anxious about this.  Leaving this current job is the most constructive thing to do for my inner peace and happiness.

Bring on next week and the uncertainties because I am embracing them all!

Woo Hoo!  Happy first of February everyone!

What challenges did you face weather wise last month? Here in Glasgow, Scotland, we had snow (and more snow),  hail, wind, rain, freeeeezing temperatures and rarely the odd sunshine hours to pick up our dull, deary and depressing moods!

We woke up to this sunshine this morning…….

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I was happier than Larry because January for me, due to my suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder, is draining, depressing and exceptionally dull. I crave sugary, fatty and salty foods. Any food that heightens my emotions. I’ve been fortunate enough to have found St John’s Wart from Holland and Barrett, my Lumie Brightspark lightbox and my positive mental attitude from six and a half years of personal development to keep me sane during this most challenging winter! My moods during this tough winter has been lifted from the daily dose of St John’s Wart. Thank you!

The temperature had risen today and I was comfortable and warm wearing my lighter three in one winter jacket with my white cotton scarf and the Kangaroo hat that my Aussie hubby bought me.

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Look at the blue sky and white clouds?  This is a rare sight here in Glasgow, Scotland during our winter and “Summer”!  We are surrounded by dull cloudy skies 90% of our long, dark and freezing winters.  When we get this sort of blue sky and white clouds, it usually indicates a freezing night.

We usually get this blue sky and white clouds in May where we have a heatwave for a few days and that’s our “Summer”!

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Happy days for us because our days are becoming longer. Daffodils are on sale in supermarkets. Valentine’s Day merchandise are on sale in shops, stores and supermarkets. Today I saw Easter Eggs on sale at the supermarket!

Welcome to February Glasgow, Scotland!