Hi my name is Kit (putting my left hand up), I think I am obsessed with happiness? Why? I have been through my fair share of aches, pains, challenges and struggles since I could remember my earliest memory. I have enough psychological scars from these life experiences which has drowned me most of my life. Therefore, I decided over seven years ago that I would be a happiness millionaire. Being wealthy to me doesn’t mean I need to be stinking filthy rich. Being wealthy to me means that I am happy. Being wealthy to me means that I am happy with whatever I have at the present moment. Being wealthy to me means I am happy because it is good for my health.
Happiness is subjective. Happiness is fleeting. Happiness comes and then it goes just as quick as lightening. Happiness to me is like a muscle that needs to be worked on each day, each week and each month. Happiness needs constant fuel. Happiness is something that requires your time, energy and attention.
On Thursday this week, I asked my fellow Toastmasters at our regular Table Topic session how they define happiness. The member who got the question answered it with a wide variety of valuable insights. She said at the beginning of her impromptu speech “Someone who is smiling doesn’t mean that they are happy. Someone who is not smile, doesn’t mean that they are not happy!” I thought her answer was thought provoking and I learned from her intriguing answer.
From my personal experience with surrounding myself from people in different ages, backgrounds, cultures, different social status, different races, different religions, different gender orientation, different believes, etc etc you get what I mean by now……I have noticed that there are some people who do not experience happiness quite like the others. There seems to be a certain group of people, now I am not putting labels on these people here. I am sharing with you my observations about how different people handle their happiness. What I want to share with you is this, some people are so damn focused on the tiny and minute details of their problems and they shall share these tiny and minute details with you that lasts en eternity and you fall asleep whilst they are still talking, yes believe me I have known such people and were friends with them, they just don’t seem to be able to handle happiness as well as the others. This particular group of people are what I call the “drama queens or drama addicts”. It is not their fault that these people behave in this way. It is how they were set up. It is how they were taught. It is how they were conditioned to behave. Sadly, these people do not have a place in my life any longer. Why? I have no time, energy or attention to give to these people because they suck the happiness out of me. I become sick when I am surrounded by these people. Let’s just say that I am allergic to the “drama queens and drama addicts”. Therefore I keep them out of my life for good.
Since happiness is one of my priorities, I am mindful and aware of who I am friends with. After all, we do become a product of the first five people we spend the most time with. Therefore our friends do influence us in a way that can have a huge impact on our habits, our behaviours, our health and well being, our success, our happiness……need I go on? I think not.
I know that having friends is vital to our overall health and well being. Yet I would rather have a handful of friends than friends that I cannot keep up with like the number of friends you have on your Facebook. I would rather spend time alone than spend it with a “drama queen or drama addict” because I want to keep my happiness intact. There are people whom I can only spend three minutes with. There are those whom I can only spend three hours with. If you are the lucky few whom I can spend three days with, you must be above average! You must be able to laugh at yourself. You must be able to fool around with me, be childlike and crack a few jokes here and there. Otherwise I have no intentions whatsoever of being friends with you. Now there is no need to take this personally because you cannot possibly be every one’s friend.
How do you choose your friends? How happy are you with your current friends? When was the last time you checked in on your current friends as to:
- Where do they have you heading?
- What do they have you focusing on?
- What do they have you reading?
- What do they have you listening to?
- How do they support you to move forward and grow?
These are vital questions you must ask yourself regularly with your current friends in order to check in how you are doing with your friends.
The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the relationships we keep. Being an adult, we are fully responsible for choosing who we keep in our lives and who we limit our association with. Our happiness then is determined by the relationships we choose to keep. Imagine you are keeping a relationship that is dysfunctional and unhealthy for you. How do you expect your life to be functional and healthy when you are keeping such a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship in your life? How do you expect to attract happy relationships to you when you are not happy with this particular relationship that you keep around you?
All it takes to destroy your happiness is for one poor choice of keeping a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship around you. You may not be aware of what a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship is. I didn’t until I read a few self help books on the subject. I suggest that you do your own research and read up on dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships.
I made an exceptionally tough choice a few years ago to let go of a number of friendships that were no longer serving me well. After I let go of these friends, I have a more peaceful and happier life, without the drama, without the boring details and I was ever so proud of myself for taking care of me. My happiness soared each day. I could finally focus on my happiness and keeping the level of happiness steady.
Life has a habit of throwing struggles and challenges your way now and again just to test you. I had an extremely unpleasant day on Tuesday. My happiness was nowhere to be seen. I felt anxious. I felt a deep sense of sadness and intense pain surging through my body. I felt overwhelmed by all of this that came out of the blue without warning. It almost took my life. At that particular moment I had an inner voice that was ever so dark I was petrified of it. I had no idea where it came from, why it was there and what triggered it. I just knew that the inner voice was not me. I did everything I possibly could to kick that dark and evil thought out of me. Thank goodness I was mentally and emotionally strong other wise I may not be here today to write this.
Today was a much happier day for me. I went to our local park for a short walk. I took my time, soaking up everything there. I was mindful and aware of the sounds and smells, the flowers and trees, the falling leaves of different colours, the people and dogs, the breeze of wind swishing to and fro, I looked up at the sky, I look at the leaves on branches blowing in the lively wind, I saw mushrooms around an old tree. Some of those mushrooms had turned so black they looked like coal. I took some photos of these mushrooms because I was intrigued and fascinated by them.
I had thoroughly enjoyed this short fifteen minute walk. It was leisurely without me rushing to go anywhere, to do anything in particular and it was most enjoyable for me. I think I neglect to “smell the roses” when I am ever so rushed to complete my tasks and work obsessively on reaching for my goals.
I sat down to have steak pie with Cory and Calvin, my sons. I had a chat with them and that brought more happiness to me.
Next, I went to a large stationery store called Paperchase to indulge in my inner child’s stationery obsession. I browsed their latest collection and thoroughly enjoyed the customer service I received from a young girl who rescued me from not finding the large hardback journal I wanted for my daily journal-ing habit. She was eager to help me and offered me her full attention. I felt important and valued. To me, that’s how you keep your customers happy. When your customers feel important and valued, they shall keep shopping with you. That’s a win win and spreads joy to their customers.
Next on my agenda was to attend a Toastmasters meeting in the south side of my city. I was running late and was in a pickle. Hehe
The meeting was lacking some energy this evening. Nonetheless, I was enjoying it and laughed at some of the speeches. James was the funniest of them all. He can make his audience laugh at anything he says. He is comfortable with making a fool of himself. He is after all a champion who has won a number of speech contests. I could certainly learn some winning tips from just watching him. Hehe
The meeting ended more or less on time and I got to chat with some fellow members. The bonus of the evening was when I was offered a lift home by the president Will. Apparently, he lives close by where I live. That was excellent. In future, I could ask Will to drive me home after a meeting at his club to save me on travelling on two buses to get home.
I am feeling ever so happy I am grinning from ear to ear. Hehe
I know this happiness thing is fleeting and shall come and go as quick as a flash. Yet I define happiness as feeling comfortable with feeling the negative emotions and still be able to smile and spread the joy, happiness and love. I certainly managed to spread some joy, happiness and love today all because I chose to.
Thank you for my happy day full of joy, gratitude and love!