What do you do to de-stress? What do you do to deal with and handle stress at home and at work?

I am currently unemployed!  Thank goodness because I would have had a nervous breakdown if I was working and dealing with this week’s demands at home.

We had our boiler and radiators replaced on Wednesday which was a major project!  I needed to move large and small pieces of furniture around our tiny three bedroom flat to make room for the workmen to do what they needed to do. This meant that I needed to declutter our tiny flat, filled with so much crap and rubbish that we no longer used or need. I felt so much lighter from the declutter and Spring clean. Yet when it came to moving all the furniture around, that was a different story all together!

The dust that had accumulated underneath furniture that had stayed in their place for over eight years was unbelievable! Thank goodness for our dust sucker of a vacuum cleaner we got. Dyson never fails to deliver when it comes to sucking up dust! Haha

We were told it was best to leave home for the day from 8am until 5pm on the day of the major works. Thank goodness for my parents who live nearby and for their Wifi. Calvin was entertained and content!  I got spoiled by my parents because I got to have fun with mum. Dad spoiled me when he made me lunch and he made Calvin’s too!  The best days are lived with our parents! Hehe

Seeing our home at 5pm on Wednesday was upsetting!  There was dirt, dust and mess in our living room, bedrooms, hall and bathroom. Home was like a bombsite. The reward was……we had a new combi boiler and new radiators. This means our gas bill shall be lower. I could save more for another holiday! Haha

I could not cook from scratch for our dinner as our kitchen was dirty, dusty and in a huge mess, so it was a take away full of fat and salt. Yuck!

I missed my daily yoga session and felt so stressed!

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It took me over two hours of cleaning and changing my bed linen to feel comfortable and clean to some extent!  It felt like a workout and reminded me of the days I was working as a housekeeper with Travelodge.

Our carpets look like they are doing some sort of yoga pose as they have been neglected due to the major works. The carpet fitter yesterday whilst I was out for my job interview so I missed him and need to wait until Monday before our carpet is put back to their original beauty!  Meanwhile, I am keeping my eyes off all our carpets at the bottom of the radiators! Hehe

Now that I have started my mission to Spring clean and declutter, I have a new addiction!  I want to declutter every room and have as little as possible. My two elder sons have so much rubbish and crap hoarding in their bedrooms that the sight of them all would be more than enough to weigh down a truck! I threw out old and out of date sauces from our fridge as I was cleaning it this afternoon. The Cheesestrings that Calvin no longer wants went into our food waste bin. I cleared our stationery drawer and gave away loads of pencils, rubbers, rulers and colouring pens to our neighbour who has five kids. I am sure they shall have more use of them all than we would.

Decluttering is vital to create space for better things to come through. I have a less cluttered bedroom now since I threw out a small wardrobe that I found to be taking up space and no longer served me well. I am planning on clearing out boxes of unwanted rubbish sitting on the floor, taking up vital space. I created space for my long awaited library by rearranging things around. It was a wonderful moment when I realised that I could have my library by just rearranging things around, instead of having to wait until this and that. I am so happy for my self made library where I am able to see the titles of my books now that they are standing up, instead of lying flat in a huge box! Woo hoo!

depositphotos_5242273-stock-photo-girl-taking-a-bathI have been taking baths, which I rarely do, to de-stress, with lavender oil and what a great de-stresser! The shower was fast for a quick wash, yet the bath soaking was vital to de-stress!  Heaven!

Congratulations to me on getting through a rather demanding and tough week!  Well done me! Hehe

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Spring looks like it has finally sprung upon us here in Glasgow, Scotland as our temperatures has risen to a much more warmer and comfortable one or three for us Glaswegians to enjoy the great outdoors!  This usually means that we Spring clean and declutter, which is what I have been doing today. The more I declutter, the more I want to declutter. I spent a valuable thirty minutes or so in my bedroom, clearing away anything that I no longer use or need. Initially, I had my audio book playing on my phone to make the most of multi-tasking, only to be distracted by the noise, as I needed to read documents to decide what to keep and what to throw away. The multi-tasking was not working for me here!

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Anyway, I was happier than Larry for making good progress, only to feel mentally exhausted from reading through a mountain of documents and finally sorted what to throw out and what to keep. Phewwww!  Then I was real smart and separated them into each subject and put them into polly pockets so that I would be able to find them with more ease in the future. I was feeling so proud of myself for being so organised!  Yes!  I am winning!  Zero to clutter. One to Kit!

As the day wore on, I wanted to do more decluttering, yet as always, other things held me back and I was running out of time for doing what I had planned to do mentally. Note to self, do the planning on paper, as my mentor Jim Rohn as taught me!  At least, I had made a great start, which is always, as with anything important, is the most demanding and difficult thing to do. I was thinking to myself, well I have made a great start, to create space for better things to come through now. All I need to do is to continue with this mission of decluttering until I am absolutely satisfied and feeling lighter. After dinner, doing the dirty dishes and cleaning our cooker, I tackled Calvin’s bundle of outgrown clothes to put into a bin liner. With Calvin’s help, I almost emptied his drawers of his outgrown clothes!  He then told me that he needed a new wardrobe of clothes, which happens every time at this time of the year. No surprises here!

I would have less to declutter if I was living on my own. Having children (three) definitely is a fantastic way to accumulate clutter!  Haha

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Now to rearrange my bedroom to find a better system that works for me because this current one is no longer effective, efficient and easy to use. Time for a change!  Let’s go!

I signed up for this job, without any formal training. Without any instructions from my employer. Without any support from my employer. Without any formal agreement to paid sick days, bonuses, pay rises, maternity leave, paid holidays and bereavement leave. Without any foreseeable benefits, why did I still sign up for this job? Why?  I must be crazy right? I must be nuts? I must be bonkers right?

It is a job that many people take on just like me and get very little to no recognition whatsoever. We muddle through each day at work, the best we can. We try to be as efficient at our job as we possibly can. We even give more than everything that we have to make sure our employer is satisfied. Yet, our employer never gives us the recognition we truly deserve and we still, willingly get out of bed each morning, tired, deflated at times and ready to tackle to day’s tasks so that we are seen as competent. We drag ourselves to work because we do not want to admit that we are defeated! We want to be seen as strong as Wonder woman! We want to be seen as “Oh she has her shit together” when she is crumbling inside, dying for a moment to herself to gather her toughts together and connect with her emotions. How she longs to have her life back to before she took on this job? How she longs to be able to come and go as she pleases and do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, without having to be trapped by her job? Yet, there is something that keeps her in that demanding, difficult and undervalued job!  There is a strong something that pulls her to her job because she has become so attached to it. She does not want to resign because that has never been an option for her from day one. She fully committed to this job and she shall see it to the end, whenever the end shall be, she has no idea. The end would be far too sad for her to even think about. She merely wants to focus on getting through the present moment and get to bed unscathed, with her sanity intact.

There’s the saying that “some people are married to their job” and this job is what we are married to because it is the only twenty four seven job that anyone could ever take on with no benefits to them whatsoever. Looking at things from a different perspective, there are many benefits to this demanding job, yet it requires the employee to look at it through a very different perspective, with an open mind and a positive mental attitude.

This demanding job requires so many life skills to get through the days and nights of never ending challenges and hurdles to jump through. School never taught us these life skills. Our parents never taught us these life skills. We are now left to teach ourselves. It is no wonder why our employer is left bewildered at what they got themselves in for when they “hired” us, yet they do not have any power to fire us! What fun! Haha

Throughout this difficult job, I have learned so many valuable things from my three employers and they have each their very own lessons that I shall remember until the day I die. My three employers shall always need me to be there for them until the day I die. They are always going to need my services, big or small.

Have you guessed what job I am describing here? Do you have any ideas?

As Mother’s Day for us here in Scotland,  is tomorrow, I felt compelled to write an article about the wonderful, amazing and tireless things mothers do for their children and family. Mothers are rarely fully equipped with the required skills needed to be the best mother in the world. She merely muddles through each day, learning as she goes. She never gets any formal training before she signs up to become a mother! What a laugh you may say???  Why would anyone in their right mind sign up for a job without any formal training? Why would anyone commit to a job without any of the skills required from them?  That is just the way our society and culture is. Mothers are expected to know how to do her job with efficiency any day of the week. She is expected to have her shit together even during the most challenging and toughest times. She is not allowed to crumble under pressure because it is seen as a sign of weakness. She is Wonder woman after all!

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I have thoroughly enjoyed my journey as a mother for the past 22 years and so many weeks and days. Yes, I have had my share of tough, challenging and shitty times when I so wanted to die and quit! I have had my share of scares, fears and dark times. Throughout those trying times, I have been very fortunate to have had my dearest big brother’s endless help and support. He was my rock. My mother has also been my rock too! She helped me both physically and financially during the toughest times. She cared for my children and me when I needed her to be there for us the most. My mother may not have had a lot given to her when she was a child, yet she has been most giving to us and she never ever expected anything in return. She gave to us from the bottom of her heart. She gave to us because she cared and loved us. She is my one and most inspirational, motivational and positive role model I have ever had. I feel so blessed to have been given such a wonderful mother who has shown me that no matter how little we have in life, by giving to others, without expecting anything in return, we learn the art of giving which starts the receiving process. Thank you a million Mum! You are the strongest Wonder woman there is! Three cheers to my crazy mum! Hehe

I have given so much of my sweat, blood and tears to my three sons over the past 22 years and now I am reaping the benefits. I have been blessed three times to have three healthy, gorgeous and smart sons who are making me so proud of each of them for their own successes. I have been so fortunate to have had personal development introduced to me at a time when I was in total darkness with my depression, where I could see no light at the end of the long, winding tunnel. Throughout my journey with personal development, I learned to become the best mother I could ever be to my three sons. I set about to learn as many skills as I possibly could to get along with my sons better than I had at the beginning of my journey with my personal development. I felt so much happier, as happy as Larry when I began to make some progress and saw I shift in myself which was very scary at the beginning. Yet, I embraced the fears and uncertainties that improving myself brought forth. It was well worth my sweat, blood and tears of fully committing to becoming a better version of myself. Well done me! I deserve a gold medal! Hehe

Today, motherhood is so much fun and exciting. Today being a mother is as challenging as it was at the beginning because each day delivers new challenges. With my skills that I have acquired from my personal development, I am capable of solving each and every problem that comes my way. “No problem” is what I say to any challenges. Let me see what I can learn from my problems, challenges and trying times!

What do I have to lose from being a mother? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have everything to gain. Being a mother offers so many opportunities to learn something, whether that something is big or small. I always learn from each new experience that comes my way. I no longer say “Why me?”, instead I say “Let me see how I can overcome these challenges and learn something from them!”

Three cheers to all mothers past and present. You all deserve the true recognition of the wonderful, demanding and tiresome job you do each and everyday. Happy Mother’s Day in advance to each and everyone of you!

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What does happiness mean to you? What images, sounds, smells, thoughts and feelings comes through when you see or hear the word “happiness”?

share-happinessHappiness means different things to each of us due to our model of the world. We have our own definition and meaning of the word “happiness”. Some of us rarely saw our parents have fun when we were growing up, therefore, happiness was rare for our inner child and this sets us up for a very short burst of happiness. Some of us may never have had happiness passed onto us from their parents and main caregivers, which means that we have no idea what happiness is and what it feels like. We merely live each day muddling through our daily challenges. Our inner child knows nothing about how it feels to have happiness flowing from within.

Everything that we saw, heard, felt and remembered from our childhood sets us up for what happiness means to us in our adult life. Happiness starts from our childhood.

I was very fortunate to have been brought up by my crazy, light minded mother, who was childlike, funny, positive and who knew how to have fun, how to have a laugh, how to make the most out of her circumstances even though life was a huge struggle for her, each and every day of her life. My mother was abandoned at birth and never got to see or know about her birth parents. She was abused and neglected from birth. Yet, she never allowed her circumstances to stand in her way of having fun. I remember my mother as the person who would smile and spread her happiness to others, especially to her children. I am so blessed to have been given this blessing and it has been a huge bonus for me in my life.

Happiness to me nowadays, is about feeling the blessings and counting each and every one of them. Happiness is no longer about having the status, the materialistic things, the power, the authority, the flashy car or the big house to outdo others. Happiness these days to me, is about spreading my happiness to others who are less fortunate than myself. It is about smiling at a stranger. It is about listening to someone with the intent to understand them. It is about making others feel important. It is about giving a helping hand to those in need. It is about giving to others, without expecting anything in return. It is about making consistent progress for personal growth that money could never buy. It is about becoming the best version of who I want to be in order to expand and grow. It is about grabbing opportunities for learning and stepping out of my comfort zone. It is about taking a calculated risk and experiencing things that I have yet to experience. Happiness is about setting myself free from my parents expectations of who and what they want me to be. Who and what I am inside is what matters to me. Who and what I am inside is no longer anyone’s business. Who and what I am inside is more attractive than what others want me to be. I no longer live to please others or conform to their expectations. I no longer live to be bothered about what others say or think of who and what I am. I am so focused on having fun each day, what others say or think of me is none of my business. I no longer seek the approval of others. I no longer compare myself to others. I no longer focus on what others do and where they are at.

I no longer allow toxic shame to hold me back from being the authentic me. I no longer allow toxic shame to get in the way of having fun. I no longer allow toxic shame to trap me inside of a confined space and where shame says I should and should not be. Toxic shame no longer has any space in my life. I am free to feel what I feel, free to do what I want to do, free to have fun wherever and whenever I want. Free to laugh out loud and be proud of who and what I am. I am free to live my life for myself and no one else. I am free to make choices for me and it is so light and liberated. I am free to choose who I surround myself with. I am free to travel wherever I want, whenever I want. I am free to pursue what matters to me. The freedom I have nowadays is what gives me the happiness that I have.

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As it is International Happiness Day today, I wanted to spread my happiness near and far. I spent quality time with my eldest and youngest son, going out for a light meal. As we were stuck in traffic, on the motorway, I waved to a stranger, driving in his brand new car. I smiled at me, with my beautiful, sexy and attractive smile. He must have thought “Who is that crazy woman waving at me?”  I smiled at him again, as I waved at him, he then waved back at me. As we were moving sluggishly, it became a very happy moment for both of us as I knew I had succeeded in spreading my happiness onto him for just that boring moment, when we were both stuck in traffic!  That smile on the stranger’s face told me that I had helped him to feel happy for a mere second of his rather boring journey in the traffic. I am very curious as to how many people will he share my crazy waving at him???

Happy International Happiness Day to you all, near and far!

 

 

 

When was the last time you gave up a job that was having a huge impact on your health and well being?  What do you do when you know that the job you are in is causing far too much stress for you? How do you handle the stress and move forward? Or do you stay stagnant for fear of change and uncertainty?

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Four months into her employment as a supervisor, she left and this gave me every reason to question why? Why did our supervisor want to leave only four months into her employment. First red flag. Then more red flags came along as my days in my job passed.

On average, we spend a good part of our day at work, five days a  week, therefore it needs to serve us well otherwise we take the negative vibes with us and this affects our lives at home with the people who matter to us the most.

I have learned to walk away from whatever is not serving me well and leaving my last job was the most important thing I needed to do for myself. I knew that I would miss the girls and boy in my team yet I have learned to take care of number one and that is ME!  No one is here to take care of me for me, therefore it is up to me to take care of me for my health and well being.

There have been fun moments and lots of banter with my team and we work well together as a team yet our manager has been the major issue for us. We get no support that helps the team to strive to do better. We get no recognition for all the damn hard work we put in, in every shift. We get no positive feedback on how well we did. We got lots of destructive, soul destroying and shaming comments. We got lots of anger, toxicity and drama which is very draining for me. I could see our manager was reacting to what we did not do yet she neglected to see all the things that we did do and recognise us for those. I picked up so much toxicity and shame from her words. I also got her bluntness and rage at times. From what I learned over the past five and a half years from my personal development, I could see she was a very poor leader.

Having fun at work was one of the best ways to banish the negativity we got from our manager. Looking for solutions was another way to conquer all the challenges we faced on a daily basis. I learned how to be more productive with my valuable time and get more done, without the drama.

Being a housekeeper for a budget hotel has been most challenging and physically demanding for me since I left work at the Chinese take aways and restaurants many years ago.  My body is ageing even though I am feeling very young at heart. The physical demands of a housekeeper can only be known to those who have kicked ass each day as a housekeeper. Until someone has had the experience, one shall never know the daily challenges one faces. My team has no idea when we finish our shift due to the nature of our job. We do not know when our days off work shall be until we get our new rota for the upcoming week.  Our weekends are the the most gruelling times for us due to the high physical demands and high work load. We all really need the Monday off work to recover yet not all of us gets it due to the shortage of staff.

With the bad there is the good. As a housekeeper, I got to have my phone on me at all times. I had my upbeat music on at full blast to get me through my days of working on my own. To fill the silence, to pick me up and help me work faster. I would sing and dance to the music which was so much fun. I get to have my water with me and could snack on my protein bar whenever I felt hungry hit me. I could use the toilet without walking very far which was a huge bonus for me, as I remember having to walk “a mile” to use the toilet at my M&S job!

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I have had the opportunity to see from my own eyes how the company works and how the management deals with and handle their staff. Being told constantly that what we do is never good enough is soul destroying, destructive and drains us from our positive energy. I have been very fortunate to have had my five and a half years of personal development to deal with and handle whatever life throws at me,  in a constructive manner. I see red flags where there is something that just doesn’t feel quite on par to what I want from a job. I see who the good leaders are and who the weak leaders are. Giving us threats yet not following through with their words is definitely a sign of weakness. Saying one thing to us and doing another is also a sign of weakness. I could also see how productive our manager was and what she used her time on which was to me, also a sign of weakness. Checking up and sneaking up on us was a sure sign that she did not trust us and our capabilities. Shouting at us, talking down to us and swearing at us are all a sure sign of weakness. I had wondered at times during my employment, how on earth did she get the job and stay in it for so long as a manager?  I could see that she was micro-managing us when she put our names onto our caddies,  chemical bottles and toilet brushes. What a total waste of time to me! Surely she has more important tasks to complete than waste her valuable time on this stupid task???? It became so obvious to me that she was not one who focused on being productive!!!  There were a number of occasions where I could see that she lacked emotional intelligence and would react to whatever triggered her emotions and take it out on her staff.

Thank goodness from my personal development over the past five and a half years, I was able to put up clear boundaries with such a toxic manager and tell her what I would and would not tolerate. What I would be able to do physically and what I was unable to do. There is a limit to everything.  I put my foot down and stood up for myself because that is the best way to protect myself from unreasonable demands and abuse.

Why would anyone who is smart enough to know what they deserve  want to stay in a toxic environment at work and be abused?

You are fired stupid manager! Woo hoo!

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I had a dream last night which was so vivid, I felt like I was actually there. I was feeling all the raw emotions connected with me flying like a plane. Soaring into the bright blue sky, lifting up my arms, flapping energetically, kicking my legs with all the energy within me and reaching for freedom. Freedom to do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I want. That freedom was never possible until I began to search for my life purpose and set some goals that I wanted to achieve.

All my life, from a tender age, I was living life under other people’s control and I felt like a prisoner, locked up in her cell. First it was mum, who gave me huge responsibilities and task after task to complete each day. I felt robbed of my childhood, the happiest days of any child’s life. As I grew into my teenager years, I began to resent my mum and wanted to escape her controlling ways. I fled into what I thought would be a happier life, only to create the exact same thing. I had unconsciously set myself up to be controlled or I allowed others to control me because I was far too weak to say NO!

My freedom came to me when I took charge of my life, let go of toxic relationships, eliminated drama, turned my life around for the better and fantastic things became to come to me. I was finally free to do what I really wanted to do, whenever I want. I was finally free to be who I was born to be. I was living my life for me, not what others expected or wanted for me. I was learning to say NO!

I thoroughly enjoyed my freedom to come and go as I pleased. I thoroughly enjoyed my journey of self discovery and I learned so much about myself and about this beautiful world that was beyond believe!

I travelled to new places that I had never set foot onto with much anticipation. I picked up the travel bug and then passed it onto my youngest son, Calvin. He is now a plane spotter and knows a lot more about planes than I do, especially the Boeing 747.

In my dream last night, fear was telling me that I did not have what it takes to soar and fly into the bright blue sky. Yet, the courageous part of me, was telling fear that I shall do it even if I fall and sustain an injury or three. My courage brought me up into the cold air, as I kicked my legs and flapped my hands with as much energy as I could muster. I was feeling so liberated and free to enjoy the sights from above the ground and feeling the cold air, brushing against my whole body. The entire flying experience in my dream was the exact same thing I had experienced last year. It felt like I was reflecting on how much progress I had made last year and the universe was telling me, “This is what you are more than capable of Kit, so continue to soar high!”

I sensed that this dream was a sign. A sign telling me that I am to continue to soar in order to achieve my goals. A sign to tell me, no matter what hurdles and obstacles you come across Kit, you shall find a way to overcome each and every one of them!

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I shall continue to work hard and smart to soar as high as the sky!

 

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As the year 2016 is drawing to it’s end, I am taking time to reflect on my journey so far. What an amazing year of gargantuan growth it truly has been for me! I had created time to set big goals to achieve this year at the end of 2015. It was absolutely vital for me, to set big goals before the end of the year and this sets me up for success. Having eliminated all sorts of distractions in all shape and form last year, no more toxic relationships and drama from them, this year has been the most fruitful for me since I began my journey with personal development over five years ago.

I have had many sleepless nights, this year, tossing and turning from anxiety and a sense of fear of going into the unknown. There were nightmares some nights and other nights, there were weird and funny dreams. I have felt all sorts of fear big and small to get my hands on my goals. The most important ingredient has been no distractions unlike previous years. With my blinkers on, working on my goals has been so much easier this year. Many days, I have felt lonely and thank you to my days of solitude after my dearest big brother’s passing, I have learned to feel comfortable with enjoying my solitude. Being on my own, silent, still and quiet during my recovery and healing process from big brother’s very sudden passing has served me well. It was a blessing in disguise in more ways than one or two. I am ever grateful for my most challenging life experience.

Attending my weekly Toastmasters meetings, throwing myself into the different roles to take on, in order to gain my Competent Leadership Badge has been most rewarding and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of being on stage. Taking on the Toastmasters role was the most yet I felt the fear and did it anyway, gaining experience from it and allowing me to grow. I have delivered four prepared speeches, three of them were short notice because another member dropped out of their allocated slot, which meant that I had very little time to practice my prepared speech, yet I grabbed those opportunities to get myself out of my comfort zone. My prepared speeches did not need to be perfect. I no longer strive for perfection because it is very futile. All that was important to me was to enjoy my experience delivering my speech and gain more confidence.

I have been very fortunate to have found myself again, after losing a huge part of me after big brother’s very sudden passing. It took me a long time, yet I finally found myself again and I thoroughly enjoyed the whole journey of recovery and healing. It was a major struggle, yet those struggles were put in my life to help me to grow and learn. What doesn’t kill you certainly makes you stronger as Kelly Clarkson sang in her song Stronger!

Settling into my first job since big brother’s sudden passing has been the most challenging thing I have had to handle this year. Being out of work for almost three years, it took me quite a while to settle. Yet I embraced the challenges, found solutions, felt the fear and feared forward. I felt anxiety, trepidation and apprehension as I walked into my job each day during the beginning.  It was such a huge struggle both mentally and emotionally. The physical demands was also a huge stress factor. I would come home feeling like I had been run down by a bus!

Five months since I started my job, I have more than settled and made new friends with my team and they are becoming as crazy as me. I have influenced them in a great way! Hehe

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Visiting Hong Kong for the second time this October, was one of my biggest milestones this year. I embraced many fears and stepped out of my comfort zone. I finally learned to navigate the Hong Kong MTR, their Mass Transit Railway. I got the MTR by myself from Mongkok to our Airbnb in Sai Ying Pun after meeting an online friend for the first time. I got lost and it was such an adventure as I knew I was lost. I looked at the map at the station that I got off the MTR at, to find my way back to my destination. I stepped out of my comfort zone many times in Hong Kong this year. It was such a huge opportunity for me to grow and gain more confidence. I may not be an expert yet at travelling on the MTR, yet I can navigate my way around with ease and comfort. Thinking back on my last year’s visit, my first, how overwhelmed I had felt at being boxed in and squeezed in with my fellow passengers, I have made such amazing progress to be truly proud of. I get very claustrophobic in confined spaces and now I feel comfortable with having my fellow passengers in my face, literally! Haha   Buying breakfast each morning from our local cafe was another milestone for me. Thank goodness I could read their Chinese menu. That was less stressful for me. It was placing my order each day, from a different cafe that left me feeling very uncomfortable. Yet, I did it anyway to gain confidence and grow. It was nowhere near as scary as I had made up in my mind. Sweetheart was spending time with his immediate family in mainland China during our first weekend in Hong Kong which left me with Calvin all alone, fending for ourselves. It was a great opportunity for me to learn how to travel farther on the MTR, with the help from my personal Sat Nav. We thoroughly enjoyed riding the train, by First Class to Tai Po to meet with my mum and her sister Wendy. I felt no fear during that weekend as I was feeling very relaxed and calm. Calvin thoroughly enjoyed having his mum all to himself. I loved our quality bonding time together and the time spent with my mum and aunt Wendy. It felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity for me as it was my first time being in Hong Kong with my mum. Hehe

As this is my last post from 2016, I want to shout “Well done me for making such gargantuan progress this year and getting my hands on so many successes, big and small!” A huge thank you to my sweetheart for his continuous support and guidance.

 

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There was a time not that long ago, when I was still a newbie at personal development, where I questioned myself about my identity. About who I was which created so much confusion for me and I felt I had lost a huge part of who and what I was born to be from taking care of my parents, brothers, ex husband, his family and our sons.

I needed to know who I was at the time and I felt trapped in someone’s mind and body that I could not understand. I felt so lost and bewildered. I felt like a nobody, not even myself understood who and what I was. That was so scary for me. I felt dead and empty inside at times of confusion. I lost the connection I once had with who and what I was born to be.

My dysfunctional family set up had set me up for a life of shame and pain. That intense pain was still lingering and I wanted it to disappear so that I could focus on my present and future self.

I wanted to break free from who and what I was expected to be and live my life for me, not for pleasing my dad and what he expected me to be. He would remind me, whenever I was not conforming to his expectations “you remember what your name means Kit Yee!” I had no desire to conform to any cultural or social standards and expectations. I longed to become who and what I was born to be. Not what my name meant. Not what my dad expected me to be. Not what my dad wanted me to be. I longed to be free of all of other people’s expectations of who and what they wanted me to be.

I remember for a few years,  as I was finding myself, that my dad would consistently shame me in the presence of my family, for what I had did or said that was “not appropriate” according to his standards. This created so much drama and a huge distance between dad and myself.

It was much later, after reading  “Healing The Shame That Binds You” by John Bradshaw, where I learned why my dad had shamed me so much in the presence of family members. Until then, I could not understand why and how he would only shame me and mum in the presence of family members during family gatherings. As I was reading this book, everything that my dad said or did to me and mum during family gatherings became crystal clear.  I could finally understand my dad’s behaviours and I felt so much lighter. I did nothing wrong by being myself. I did nothing that warranted such toxic shame. I did nothing wrong to be true to myself and stand up for what I believed in.

The issues was not with me. The issues was not what I did or said. The issues was with my dad and what he was taught in his childhood. He was passing his toxic shame onto me and mum. It was time to break free from this toxic shame and find a way to recovery and healing. It was time to find peace and be at peace.

I was very fortunate to have been introduced to a great therapist at the beginning of this year and working with her helped me to find a way to recovery and healing for a peaceful and fulfilling life.

It has been a very painful journey to self discovery and I am grateful to have had the support and love from my sweetheart who guided me through my finding myself.

Nowadays, I live each day free to be who and what I was born to be. It is so much fun to live my life being who and what I was born to be and no longer conforming to or submitting to who and what others want me to be.

I recently found out that I am an ENFJ meaning extraversion, intuition, feeling and judgement, in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to refer to one of the 16 personality types from answering a question on Quora. After listening to an audio book about this particular personality type, I learned even more about myself and why I do the things I do.

ENFJs are born leaders therefore, that explains why I do not feel comfortable being told what to do and how to do it. I do what I believe works for me, not what others tell me would work for me. I learn from making my own mistakes, not from others’ mistakes because I am different to others. I do what I want to do for me and no questions asked. I am not a follower, I never have been and never will. I knew from a tender age that I was very different to others around me. I felt comfortable with that due to how my mum is. I feel most comfortable and happy when I am doing my own things and not following trends or what others are doing. I can come across as stubborn and strong willed, which are both vital to standing up to what I believe in. These are important ingredients to getting what I want to achieve in life. Nothing major shall be achieved without a bit of stubbornness and strong will.

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There are only 12% of the world’s population who are ENFJs which is so amazing and I was shocked when I found out. I am grateful to have found this about myself. What a great insight and it really fascinated me! Now I can fully understand why I had felt at a tender age, that I was so different from others around me.

I am finally free to live my life the way I want. I am loving the fun I have each day being me. I love me, warts and all. Thank you!

Why is the subject of death such a taboo subject all over the world when it is something that happens to all of us? I have been very curious about death since I learned about it at a tender age. Yet, upon asking about the subject, I am told to shut up and forget about finding out anything of it. As time passed, I realised that this created my fears of death. I was very scared of dying in moments when I was triggered by thoughts or emotions that came flooding through me about uncertainties.

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I remember talking to my dad about coffins and death at his house one day and I was told to shut up with his anger and that was enough to tell me that he was not comfortable talking about it. I also remember bringing up death with my ex husband’s mother, where she was also very angry with the subject. Why? Why are we not allowed to talk about death in a calm manner?

I am reading “Embracing Uncertainty” by Susan Jeffers and she suggests that we “Embrace the hearse” and talk about death. She suggests that we plan for our funeral and talk to our friends and family about our plans.

I want to take this opportunity to plan for my funeral and call it “Celebrating my fulfilled life”. I may have missed out on many opportunities before I reached 39 years young. Yet I am free to go for what I truly believe I am capable of achieving. I am living my life for me now, not for others. I am free to be who and what I was born to be. Nothing is stopping me now. I am soaring!

In my party for “Celebrating my fulfilled life” I shall have upbeat music of my choice, food of my choice that is from all over the world to cater for all of my dearest friends and family. I have friends and family from all over the world so this is vital to bring them together to celebrate my fulfilled life. Food always brings people together, along with music and a party!

I want all of my attendees to wear bright colours. They are allowed to dress up or down, whatever they feel comfortable with as long as there is some bright colour in their attire. Next, I want party poppers, balloons, party hats, streamers, a clown, a bouncy castle, a magician and anything that is party related. Everyone shall be encouraged to bring their inner child out and play. There shall be so much laughter, cracking jokes, smiles all around and children are allowed to create a bit of mess and be noisy.  I want to have the loudest send off to give something to my friends and family to remember me by. I want to go with a humongous bang! I am loud and proud so that is rather appropriate of me!

My party is the most unconventional one anyone shall ever attend because I am one of a kind, unique and so special that you shall never meet any other quite like me. It shall be one where my attendees are partying into the night and if they wish into the early hours of the morning. There shall be accommodation arranged for those who live afar.

I want attendees to dance to the music and be happy that I was a part of their lives. I want a karaoke machine for those who love to sing so that they can sing until their heart’s content. I want everyone to talk about me in a positive light and share with each other what they learned from me. I want some of my friends and family to share their inspiring experiences of me with the crowd and this allows them to remember me for who and what I am. I want them to share with each other how crazy, silly and childlike I am. I want them to keep this alive because life is meant to be fun!

I want a member of my friends or family to read out a letter that I wrote to share with everyone at the end of my party and this shall be my way of saying “thank you for being a part of my life”.

I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in Hong Kong, my birth place. I shall be able to join my big brother doing what we love to do as children.

Now that I have written out my plan for my funeral, death to me, no longer feels scary and frightening! Thank you Susan Jefffers.

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There are times when we are required to push our body beyond it’s maximum limit. I had such an experience from Thursday up to yesterday at work. I had a total of 45 departs to deal with which was most demanding due to a number of ongoing unresolved issues at work. These issues were very time consuming and so stressful which are having a huge impact on our overall health.

I learned a few things over the weekend about how we, as a team can unite and help each other to work efficiently,  save time and reduce unnecessary stress.

Our incompetent manager and supervisor are not helping us the way we need them to so we need to help ourselves and find solutions to our issues that has been ongoing for too long now.

By working as a team and staying in touch with each other about issues, problems and finding solutions, we would cut our time at work by at least 30 minutes on weekends and possibly 15 minutes on weekdays.

The four consecutive days at work has been the most physically demanding I endured since I began my job as a housekeeper. Saturdays and Sundays are full of issues as we are used to by now. Yet, nobody are working to find solutions. They merely moan, rant and rave about them. That’s futile. It gets us nowhere. It creates too much stress. I am going to be smarter than that and work with my team to create solutions. We are responsible for how our work issues are dealt with. The main issue is taking the responsibility to stand up and speak up about issues and finding solutions. Our manager and supervisor are clearly not capable of doing this for us so therefore we are responsible to take action and find for solutions.