The Benefits of Exploring by Travel

A Master Piece at Logan Botanic Garden, Logan, near Stranraer, Scotland

Do you enjoy travelling?

Do you enjoy exploring new places?

Did you know that exploring by travel helps you to gain a different perspective to life?

Ok, I do ask a lot of questions, so I have been told.

Here is WHY I am writing this blog…..

Did you know that your world and what you see from it, is determined by how much exploring you engage in? Going to new places brings a new lease of life. It helps you to expand your horizons. You will probably have heard this phrase before. And it is so true.

Portpatrick, Stranraer, Scotland

You see, before I began my journey with exploring new places, I could only see things from a small stagnant mindset. I was stuck in a bottomless rut. Depressed, dying inside and lacking adventures, my life revolved around fulfilling my adult responsibilities and spending my hard earned money buying stuff that I didn’t need. This shopping spiralled out of control. Although I didn’t get into serious debt, the money that was spent could have afforded many family holidays. This is ONE of my biggest regrets because there was a part of me who longed to travel with my three sons to create long lasting memories. That part of me wanted my sons to have what I didn’t get to do as a child. Travel is important to children because they learn new things that cannot be taught sitting in a classroom.

My shopping sprees became a vicious circle that never ended because online shopping is ever so convenient, tempting and attractive. Every time a parcel was due to be delivered, it felt like I was getting a Christmas present. “Retail therapy” is a massive scam. I am grateful that with the help of my therapist and my consistent hard work to resolve my money blocks and issues, I began to save cash in my pink cash box and stopped online shopping.

So my advice to you is:

STOP!

Yes!

STOP!

Stop shopping for stuff that you don’t need.

Retail therapy is NOT therapy. It merely masks your emotions, so that your forget about your pains and fears.

Instead start saving your hard earned money on your exploration adventures.

Use a system that helps you to save money for your exploration adventures and travels.

You can use cash to save up. This is highly recommended so that you SEE how much money you are saving.

Invest in a cash box and put a weekly amount in it for your exploration adventures.

I do this for family birthdays and other festivities and special occasions.

Or get an accountability partner to help you focus on your savings.

Or ask a friend to keep you on track.

There are many ways to save up for an exploration holiday/vacation. So explore what works for you. Your future self will thank you for it.

Let me share my recent travel story with you……

I wanted to go camping for a while and decided to write this onto my Bucket List. It “sat” on my Bucket List for a number of years. An opportunity came up when a close friend shared that he was planning on his next camping trip, in April this year. So I asked him if I could tag along. He was more than happy to have me as his camping campanion.

Our first camping adventure together turned out to be such a success, that we decided we would definitely do it again as a team.

One of the reasons WHY it is great for your personal growth to travel to new places and experience new things is: You will stumble upon challenges that will push you out of your comfort zone. You will have to use your problem solving skills to overcome these challenges.

James and I had challenges with setting up our brand NEW tent. Fortunately we both have a steady level of problem solving skills to help us set up this brand NEW tent with as less pain as possible. It took us around an hour to set up our NEW blue tent. Once it was set up, we brought our personal belongings from James’ car and gave them a home for the next four days.

Our Tardis tent

Next I had challenges with cooking our two dinners on the Thursday and Friday evening. I had never ever cooked in a tent. Fortunately we had an Electric Hook Up on our camp site. So I could cook rice from my baby rice cooker and steam our dishes from my electric steamer. It is such a simple task at home because everything I need is in the kitchen. However, in a camping site, in a tent it becomes ten times more challenging. I burned so many calories and worked up an appetite with ALL the walking back and forth from our tent and the camp site’s sink, I was absolutely starving and exhausted. Our dinner turned out more than a success. My friend James demolished his food and praised me for my first camping cooking efforts. I was ten foot tall!

After washing up, tidying up and resetting, we sat by our camp fire and chatted for around two hours. Watching the logs burn and seeing the sun set was surreal. James and I rarely get to do this because we both live in and around a city. The tranquillity, calm and peace was much needed for both of us to do some soul searching.

I had several topics noted on phone to discuss, debate and talk about. This was the most enjoyable part of our camping adventure. We had each other’s full attention, with no one to see, no agendas to fulfill, no tasks to complete etc. We were fully focused on enjoying the beautiful countryside and sun set.

I forgot to bring my single quilt with me because my sleeping was from my eldest son Cory high school trip so it was light and flimsy. Too flimsy for camping. I decided NOT to buy a thicker sleeping bag because I could not affort to. I was cold on my first night. Fortunately, I brought my hot water bottle, a fleece and had my thick blue hoodie to keep me from dying of hyperthermia. I was awake until after 4am tossing and turning because my body needed weight from my regular quilt, which helps me to fall asleep.

There were a number of planes flying overhead throughout the night which kept me awake. Then at around 3.10am, birds started to chirp, sing and hoot. They were super hyper. The joys of camping!

I was absolutely exhausted when it was Friday morning and wanted to stay in our tent to sleep. However, I needed to buy a single quilt so that I could get a decent sleep. James needed a new inflatable mattress because his died when he was sleeping on it the night before.

After a late breakfast, we drove to Ayr, which was more than twenty miles from our campsite. To meet our immediate needs for the next three nights or else we would suffer serious consequences. I had not been to Ayr for many years and thoroughly enjoyed our day out. The sun was beaming down on us and I was happy to top up my Vitamin D. It was lunchtime for my growling stomach. So we had lunch at a cafe/restaurant. The chicken curry baked potato that I chose to indulge in was to die for. I had never ever tasted chicken curry quite like this one. The aroma was so different from what I was accustomed to from the numerous Chinese Take Aways that I had worked at.

A wee selfie whilst we sat to soak up the glorious sunshine in Ayr, after our lunch

After james bought his inflatable mattress and I picked up Sensitive toothpaste that I forgot to bring, I felt the heat from the warm sun. I told James I wanted ice cream and he gladly obliged by driving us to the seaside. We got our ice cream then sat by the beach to devour them. It was absolute bliss to watch people by go and enjoy each other’s company and our delicious ice cream.

Now it was time to head back to our campsite to cook dinner. Before we did, we stopped by the local Asda so that I could pick up a single quilt. I bought a can of squirty cream for my hot chocolate. Cooking dinner this time became easier because I had experience from the previous evening. Experience is everything when you want to do things easier and with less mental effort. Again James demolished his dinner and I did too because our day out in Ayr was fun and we burned a lot of calories.

I had my quilt to keep on warm tonight so I got around three hours of deep sleep. Ahhhh bliss! Again at around 3.10am the birds started their chirping, singing and hooting. It didn’t bother me so much now because I was getting accustomed to their deafening noise. There were no alarms to wake us up and get ready to go somewhere or see someone. Bliss! Absolute BLISS!

We had our late breakfast outside because the sun was beaming warmly. It would have been such a waste of our glorious sunhine to sit in our tent to eat breakfast. I spoiled myself and took my time, soaking up the countryside atmosphere. I mindfully listened to the birds chirping, the cows moo moo moo-ing, the sheep baa baa baa-ing. I washed up and got ready to explore with James.

Next James drove us along narrow and bendy country roads, some were single track, to get to the middle of nowhere. The journey took what felt like forever because I get tense and anxious with these country roads. When we finally arrived at our breathtaking destination the pain was well worth it. We were here for a few hours, enjoying the blue sky, white clouds and postcard scenery.

Mull of Galloway, Dumfries and Galloway, Scotland

It was lunch first, to satisfy my lunchtime hunger. Then we went exploring at a snail pace to soak up the eye catching and picturesque beauty. I was in awe and speechless at the beautiful sight before my eyes. Imagine cliffs, sea and rocks on a sunny day with blue sky and very little clouds. I breathed in the fresh air. Soaked up the glorious scenery and then, and only then took some photos and videos.

There are many stunning, beautiful and breathtaking sights in Scotland. You got to go and explore to find them. Here I was with James, my favourite friend, enjoying our first camping adventure together and exploring the beauty of Scotland. We are ever so fortunate to be only a few hours drive from picturesque beauty before our eyes. Away from the hustle and bustle of city life. No deafening sirens blaring in the distance. No rushing about to get somewhere or to see someone.

The weather on this particular day was definitley on our side. Not too cold. Not too hot. It was just right (like Goldilocks says) for walking, exploring and soaking up the fresh air and stunning sights.

James and I walked slowly around the site and chatting happily to each other. We headed to the obsolete lighthouse to see its handsome sights. I was meserised by its size. It is not every day I get to stand in front of a lighthouse. James showed me the lighthouse machinery and it was like being at school getting a history lesson. What fun!

Corsewall Lighthouse, in the middle of NOWHERE

Along our path to and from the lighthouse, we could see masses of heather and it was mesmerising to see so much of it growing around our feet. Then we saw some thistle, the National Flower of Scotland. The spiky thorns looked fiesty, fierce and deadly. You do not want to be attacked by them.

It felt like walking a 10k whilst I was here with James. Exploring every inch of this secluded spot, not missing anything of significance. Ahhhhhh I felt fifty times richer than before I arrived at this secluded spot with James. The richness of being mindful and enjoying nature. Time didn’t matter here. We were as slow as snails and we loved being in the moment. This is so opposite to what we endure with our city lives each day.

Th vast space here at Mull of Galloway was breathtaking, with the sea air blowing

When we finally arrived at our dinner destination, it was a restaurant converted from a sound old house. I was more than impressed! Although there were few diners inside, we thoroughly enjoyed our food and the atmosphere. It was quiet, relaxing and peaceful. Ideal for your first low key camping adventure. I eat out for a maximum of three time a month when I am back at home, so this was like living like a queen! No preparing food, cooking it and then washing up. I loveeeee getting spoiled like this and would love more of it!

This was our third night at our campsite and it still felt surreal for me to be there. No mum duties, no Auntie Kit duties, no duties of any sort. I fully focused on filling my own cup and I FELT a tremendous sense of gratitude. This was the first time that I felt no guilt whatsoever, going on a weekend break. Previously, I would have my youngest son taken care of by my big brother. I felt the mum guilt eating me up. I pushed it to the back of my mind and enjoyed myself.

This time, there were no mum guilt whatsoever because Calvin was sixteen years old and is considered an adult in Scotland so I could legally leave him at home on his own. This was a new experience for me which overwhelmed me to some extent. I embraced it and put my blinkers on to enjoy the time with James and at our camp site.

Our camp fire

On the note of our camp site, it was such a pleasant experience. The owners kept the facilities spotless. We had a kettle to boil as much water as we wanted. I used it to boil some water for my hot water bottle at night and it needed fresh hot water once the hot water cooled down. So I was grateful for it. Our pitch was closest to the toilets, shower, washing up sinks, kettle and bins. The owner came to chat to us each evening when we were sat at our camp fire. He told us we would get a discount the next time we came back. How kind of him!

Again we lit our camp fire when we got back from dinner. It takes around two hours to burn ALL of our logs. Our regular companions joined us for our debate, discussions and chatting. But their input could not be understood by James or I.

Our last full day of camping started slower because I tossed and turned most of the night. With a lack of even a few hours of sound sleep, my body was exhausted. I could not start my day until I had a nap, after getting out of the tent a few times during the night to visit the toilet. I sooooo missed my super kingsize bed by now. However, I was determined to make the most of my last full day.

Kit posing in Logan Botanic Garden with her sunglasses, because she rarely gets the sunshine in scotland to do so

I knew that camping would mean you will definitely NOT get a deep sleep because you are out of your comforts at home. It has been a tremendous experience to soak up nature and wake up every morning to birds, cows, sheep and horses, grass, trees and the sky directly above your head. What’s not to enjoy and love about this setting?

Travelling puts you out of your comfort zone so you definitely expand, grow and experience life from a new environment. It puts you on high alert because you are in new surroundings. Instead of operating on auto pilot when you are at home and in familar surroundings, your senses are heightened. New surroundings are necessary for your mind and body to enhance your life. Staying in the same surroundings day in day out, for three hundred and sixty five days a year is: tedious, boring, mundane, monotonous, dull, repetitive etc etc. You get my message?

Human feeling beings need variety and your surroundings are important to your body, mind and soul. Getting into new environments regularly helps you to stay: alert, aware, mindful, conscious, alive, creative, energetic, positive, active etc etc. This helps you to maintain a healthy balance for your emotional, mental and physical health. Why is this important?

I had a minor car accident back in Summer 2014, that left me with what was severe whiplash pain in my neck and shoulders. I need months of physiotherapy to help me to recover. I had never ever experienced whiplash pain before this incident. I was fortunate and I am grateful that I made a full recovery. However the pain came back with a vengence at the end of March this year.

I went back and forth to my doctor to get some form of pain relief, without any success. I am waiting for NHS physiotherapy. After a long weekend surrounded by nature, my whiplash pain disappeared. I felt alive and uplifted. No need to pain any form of pain relief! How fascinating is this?

What did I do to get rid of this whiplash pain? I did not take any form of pain relief whilst I was on my first camping adventure. My body reacts poorly to Western painkillers so I stayed away from them. Constipation is one of the serious consequences. Instead I was doing physiotherapy exercises given to me when I attended appointments in 2014 and 2015.

Our pitch at the camp site was massive

Whilst I was at the campsite and exploring in nature, I noticed that my whiplash pain was no longer present. I mentioned this to my dear friend and camping buddy James. He was delighted for me. I was shocked and surprised by it. I remembered when the pain came back at the end of March this year, I went to my local park, which is only TWO minutes walk from home, for my daily walks. One particular day I stood by the stream and stopped there. Soaking up the noise of the water running along the stream, listening to the birds chirp and sing, breathing in the fresh air and being in a mindful state. This was the best cure for the whiplash pain. No need to take conventional medication which is full of chemicals.

It is Day Six since I got back home from my first camping adventure in Dumfries and Galloway of Scotland. The recent whiplash has been “cured” as I have not experienced any whiplash pain. Woo Hoo! Doctors are doctors of medicine. Not of alternative methods to “cure” your aches, pains and illnesses. They will never prescribe natural or alternative methods to “cure” or relieve your aches, pains and illnesses.

Whilst living in a city has many benefits, surrounding yourself in nature has many benefits too. Your body will thank you for it.

Back to our last full day……….

Again we had breakfast outside, next to our camp fire because it was dry and the sun was beaming down on us. Never wanting to waste the glorious Scottish sunshine because we don’t get enought of it. I don’t get to eat breakfast outside when I am at home because I live in a flat/apartment and there is no table with chairs outside to sit and eat. This was absolute bliss!

James drove us to the biggest Garden Centre I had ever been to after our slow and mindful start to our last full day at our camp site. Again we encountered narrow country roads and I was getting more comfortable with them now.

The palm trees and vast space were out of this world. You got to see it for yourself. Check it out here:

https://www.visitscotland.com/info/see-do/logan-botanic-garden-p249751

The variety of plants and flowers had me thinking I was travelling across the world. There is a big fish pond where the gold fish was bigger than my feet! We sat there admiring the scenery after lunch and ice cream. I was in awe and speechless. It is rather unusual for me to be speechless because I love to talk! Haha

Exotic fish pond at the Logan Botanic Garden, Logan, near Stranraer, Scotland

The downside of visiting this Garden Centre in June was my Hayfever allergy. My eyes were ever so itchy and uncomfortable. Or else we would have stayed longer and explored every nook and cranny. Maybe I could ask James to go back after Hayfever season is over.

What I saw and observed during our visit was breathtaking and definitely worth going back. A day out activity would be fantastic because it is a few hours drive from our city of residence. The exotic plants and flowers would be a welcome sight because you won’t get to see them in our city.

After we left this vast space, we drove for miles and miles because we had the time to. Our dinner destination was Portpatrick with a tiny wee beach. It was exceptionally quiet, probably because it was the Jubilee Weekend and holiday season was starting. We sat in James’ car to admire the beach with singing and music in the background. It felt surreal to see so much nature on this Jubilee Weekend. Also because I had no tasks to complete. Filling my own cup and fully focusing on me is and was uncomfortabel because I have been trained by my mum to care take things and other people.

So to take care of myself ALL DAY for FOUR whole days was a new experience. An experience that had no mum guilt whatsoever. James and I had endless topics to chat about, because I had noted them ALL onto my phone. A total of twenty three. Now and again James shared his knowledge of places we were passing. The weekend was like being back at school.

We walked past a few restaurants when dinner time arrived. It was easy to decide which one to choose. The mussels on the menu at The Waterfront Hotel and Bistro was eye catching. When it was finally delivered to our table, I wished it was served with rice. The sauce reminded me of the chicken curry baked potato I had for lunch with James in Ayr on Friday. I knew I wanted rice when I went back to our camp site. I wanted the recipe to the sauce in my mussels.

I made rice shortly after we got back to our camp site because I was still hungry. No rice, no life! One last camp fire chat with James before we went to bed. We discussed the highlights of our first camping adventure together and decided that we would definitely go back.

As our time together was coming to an end, I cherished the entire journey and experience. I was fortunate that we didn’t do the wild camping because that would have been ten times more challenging. Not ideal for me, for my first camping adventure. I was told that I was going “Glamping” and not camping. Having the toilets and shower at our camp site was an absolute bonus because we got to meet our needs.

This dream came true for me because I was assertive and asked for what I wanted. I am grateful that James was more than happy to have me as his camping buddy. He was the best host, friend and travel companion one could ever ask for. He was such a gentleman and the best driver ever. He knew from my body language that I was uncomfortable and anxious during our travels on those narrow and bendy country roads. So he slowed down to accommodate me.

Although there were many discomforts from this first ever camping adventure, I gained a tonne of experiences and learned new skills. I also learned new things about myself. I know what is involved in setting up a tent. I may not be able to assemble by myself, yet I have seen first hand what you do. Cooking whilst you are camping seemed difficult and it was. Then it got easier because I gained experience. Life skills like these can only be gained when you step out of your comfort zone and expose yourself to the discomforts. As my therapist Ann said to me during early sessions with her last year: “There is comfort in the discomfort”. How true!!!

The friendship between James and I grew and was nurtured during this enjoyable adventure. We both gained a tonne of wealth from it. The endless topics we had helped us to understand each other from a deeper level. The trust we built is solid and sound. I came home on the Monday afternoon feeling like I was floating on a cloud. I felt as light as a feather. This experience was much needed after two years of no travel due to the pandemic.

I would have missed all of these treasures if I had not asked James to join him. He would have been on his own and no topics to chat about. It has been a win win for both of us in many ways. We will be long term friends because of this nurturing experience.

There has been a gentle voice guiding me onto a new journey with my career goals since I came back home. Prior to this I felt lost and stagnant due to the pandemic, lockdowns and the many uncertainties that came with it all. This is what travelling to new places can do for your being. You will have left some excess baggage at your holiday destination. You will have a lighter load to come home to.

I have been ten times more alert and alive since coming back to Glasgow, my city of residence. My mental, emotional and physical state has shifted immensely. No longer lost or stagnant.

To conclude:

Your state shifts after you come back home from travelling to a new place. Your mind has been stimulated. Your thoughts and emotions also shifts. You are giving birth to a new life. You will have: grown, expanded and broadened your horizons. This is wealth and health combined.

So as Summer is upon you, unless you live Down Under, plan an adventure to a new place and you will feel richer when you come back from it. Go on! Get exploring and travel to a new place!

From a richer and healthier 50 year old Scottish Chinese Lassie

Oh we do like to be by the sea, at Mull of Galloway, Scotland. It is in the middle of NOWHERE

Accumulate Experiences and Skills Not Stuff For Your Success

“How do you define success?” I asked Ray, the owner of the campsite I went to last weekend, for my first “Glamping Adventure”.

Without hesitating Ray’s response was “Happiness”. Short and simple!

What is your definition of success?

Is it accumulating materialistic stuff to impress people you don’t like?

Or is it accumulating experiences?

Before I began my self development journey in June 2011, my definition of success was “accumulating materialistic stuff” to impress others. To show off. To tell people “I am rich! Look at me!”

After my journey to my life transformation, it dawned on me that I was influenced by: the Chinese culture that I was born into, the people around me, society, social media, economy etc etc. I realised how poor I was.

So I shifted my focus on accumulating experiences from: learning new skills, meeting new people, trying new things, travelling, reading self help books to gain more knowledge and consistently developing and expanding myself.

Accumulating materialistic stuff didn’t create happiness for me that remained. Instead, after the novelty of using/wearing my new stuff wore off, I wanted to buy more new stuff. This was a vicious cycle that cost me money that could have gone into accumulating experiences.

You see, after I began accumulating experiences, I felt happiness from within. I felt richer! I felt empowered! I no longer felt the need or desire to impress people anymore. What a revelation!

I felt different, like I was going through a new life. A life of enrichment.

I wish you get taught these lessons at school, because it would saved me so much heartache and money. I am sure you would strongly agree with me on this.

This is WHY I am sharing this knowledge with you.

Accumulating experiences is one of the most effective ways to feel richer, from the inside out. When you accumulate experiences, you will have to step out of your comfort zone. Stepping out of your comfort zone means you will grow and expand from the inside out. This is what creates long lasting happiness!

There are many bonuses to stepping out of your comfort zone, including:

You will see your world differently, because you will be stronger. This helps you to develop an open mind, essential for your personal growth.

You will realise you are stronger than you thought, which is vital for your personal growth

You will develop grit that helps you to overcome challenges in every area of your life

You will be capable of resolving problems, instead of wasting time and energy in thinking about them

You will have stories to share with others and inspire them to step out of their comfort zone

There are many other bonuses. You will find them as you step out of YOUR comfort zone.

The opposite has been true for me when I was accumulating materialistic stuff. I felt rich from the outside in. This means that I consistently wanted more stuff that cost money. Money that I could have spent on accumulating more experiences and knowledge. The more stuff I accumulated, the poorer I became. Not ideal at all, when you already have money blocks. And every one has money blocks.

So what experiences/skills do you accumulate?

Here is my list, in no particular order:

1. Develop your Public Speaking Skills – the majority of people fear public speaking more than death. When you develop your public speaking skills, you will be on top of things when you are asked to deliver: a presentation at work, an after dinner speech, a best man’s speech, an acceptance speech, an eulogy, facilitate a meeting at work, speak to a group on Zoom etc etc. Or when you go for a job interview or any sort of interview. You will get more of what you want
   
2. Develop your Leadership Skills – this one is as important as public speaking. You are a leader at work and at home. When you have essential leadership skills, you will get more of what you want. Without this important skill, you are left behind. Public speaking and leadership skills compliment each other.
   
3. Develop your Problem Solving Skills – many people focus on their problems because they beat themselves up about making mistakes or failing. STOP! Focus on finding solutions to get to where you want to go. This will cause you less heartache. This skill is essential for your leadership.
   
4. Develop your Conflict Resolution Skills – the majority of people I have known since I became an adult run away from conflict because they lack the skills to manage conflict. Conflict means there is a different viewpoint and you need skills to conquer it. When you develp the relevant skills, you will grow and get from life. This skill is also essential for your leadership
   
5. Develop Mindfulness – How often do you arrive at work or a regular place you go to, only to realise you didn’t know how you got there? This means you lack mindfulness. You got distracted by your emotions and thoughts. Mindfulness helps you to enjoy life in the moment, instead of focusing on the past or future. This helps with conquering your fears.
   
6. Develop Emotional Intelligence aka EQ – Start to develop this skill and you become happier, more attractive and successful. Your emotions will no longer run your life. You will no longer lash out at others when you are emotionally heightened. You will be more mindful of how and what you are feeling. Another skill essential for your leadership.
   
7. Travel to New Places as Often as Possible – You will learn new skills. Such as when you get lost, you must ask for directions to get to your destination. This takes courage. You will grow from stepping out of your comfort zone. Or when you get a flat tyre whilst driving in a foreign place, you need to have problem solving skills to get you out of this sticky situation. The experience of travelling to a new place means you will be more alert and this helps you to be more mindful of your surroundings, instead of operating on autopilot as you do when you are at home. You can easily take a bus or train to explore in a new part of your town, village, city etc. Go for a day out. See the new place from the eyes of a tourist.
   
8. Start a New Hobby and Learn Something From it – Meet new people. This is empowering and helps to keep your mind active to avoid dementia and loneliness.
   
9. Volunteer your Time and Services to the Less Fortunate than You – This helps you to see your life from a different angle. It helps you to get out of the victim mindset and you will feel richer from within.
   
10. Declutter your: physical surroundings, social media, emails, etc to create space for better things to come through regularly. This is absolutely necessary for your mental, emotional and physical health. It is liberating to have more space around you and your mind. You gain more clarity.
    
11. Start Writing in a Journal Each Day – Dump your emotions and thoughts onto it. Track your daily progress towards your goals/targets. This is another way to gain clarity towards what you want more of. You can draw, doodle, use stickers, stamps etc. Get as creative as you want.
    
12. Allow your Inner Child and Inner Teen to Engage in their Favourite Activity – This is empowering, liberating and fun. Your inner child is the FEAR-LESS one. Your inner teen is the CREATIVE one. Have a teddy bear’s picnic with your cuddly toys, get colouring books/stickers books for your inner child and have fun. Turn on your inner child’s favourite music then sing and dance to them. This is an excellent way to exercise. Engage with your inner teen to create your presentation for work or brainstorm for your project. You could become the next Einstein, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Marie Curie, Grace Hopper, Rosalind Franklin etc
    
13. Do Something that Scares you, as Often as Possible – This is the most effective ways to conquer your fears. Exposing your fears to light, as in doing what scares you, helps you to expand, grow and build up your mental and emotional stamina. You will get healthier, fitter and stronger from within. A must to develop grit for whatever challenges life throws at you.

To conclude, when you accumulate experiences and skills, you will become richer, fitter and stronger from within. This enriches your life. It is empowering and liberating. You will ATTRACT more into your life.

YOU will no longer spend your money on materialistic things to impress people you don’t like.

From a richer and more empowered 50 year old Scottish Chinese lassie

Summer 2019 update for my dearest big brother

Dear big brother

I am so sorry for keeping you waiting for my update. I have had such a productive year so far and I feel so fucking proud of all of my achievements this year!

At the beginning of the year, I started working with my website designer Stuart whom I got a recommendation from Facebook. He has helped me to create a logo for my business Facebook page. I have been consistently posting on the page as I want to build up my life coaching business, one step at a time. The logo took around three months to complete. It was many emails back and forth with Stuart. My patience was pushed to it’s limits! Hehe

As usual January and February are always a drag for us due to the long winter nights. March was so much welcomed. We have had a mild winter so we have been ever so fortunate.

In May I attended my third Toastmasters District 71 Conference. This was my best yet. why? I was much more comfortable talking to fellow Toastmasters who were from outside of my home club. I volunteered to step onto the big stage, talking about the benefits I have reaped from joining Toastmasters. The hundreds of faces staring back at me didn’t phase me one bit. I was at home on that big stage because I love being there and I feel alive whenever I speak in front of an audience. I got to hold a big black microphone which was thrilling!

June flew by and Calvin received his second high school award. Here it is!  I know you are proud of Calvin and smiling your big handsome smile saying “That’s my smartypants nephew Calvin alright!” Hehe

July and August was holiday fun time for Calvin, Vincent, Charles (Vincent’s nephew) and myself. Our flight was delayed on the tarmac at Glasgow Airport for an hour and a half. It was torture sitting on my ass without the freedom to go to take a piss! ARRRRGGGHHHH!

The great news this year was we had Emirates luxurious and spacious A380 come to Glasgow so we were in heaven with more space and more luxury.   Calvin and I were happier than Larry!

Our two weeks stay in Hong Kong was full of challenges. From the ongoing protests due to the now scrapped Extradition Bill to me getting inflammation of the bowels. I was left feeling absolutely exhausted and was in bed recovering for four days. Thankfully Vincent was very attentive to taking care of me. He was left with doing all the running around to get me more digestible food from his mum’s and buying me the necessities. We managed to take Calvin and Charles to my inner child’s favourite place, Ocean Park for a day of fun in the intense heat. It was physically demanding and challenging. I thoroughly enjoyed our cable car ride as always. The aerial view is simply the best!

I attended a Toastmasters meeting in Admiralty with the help of Vincent’s navigation. I would have struggled to find my way there without Vincent’s help. He’s my rock!

Vincent’s younger brother Ah Cheung’s wedding was a massive affair. It was exhausting being surrounded by his big family. I felt so claustrophobic when we were at his mum’s for the Chinese rituals which was tiresome and long winded.

The wedding reception was seventeen tables big, overlooking Victoria Harbour. The food was delicious when it was finally served almost after 9pm. I was about to die from starvation! It was torture!

Flying to Sydney was a huge struggle due to the fears from the protests in Hong Kong. We got stuck in traffic heading to the airport from Vincent’s mum’s.  Calvin was exceptionally scared and this put more stress onto me.

This has been a regular scene in Hong Kong since the protests began in June. I was glad to leave for Sydney when we did. Then something happened that shocked Hong Kong and it still shocks me. On the night of Sunday 21st July, the night we flew to Sydney, a group of men wearing white t-shirts holding sticks and batons, randomly attacked passengers in the Yuen Long MTR. When I settled in Sydney and saw this incident on the news, I was hurt and in intense pain for the Hong Kong people.

Our three weeks in Sydney was totally worth all the pain and fear. I achieved many goals and overcame many hurdles. Vincent was challenged by me about his exceptionally poor time management and I brought this up during a much needed family meeting. We had challenges with keeping Charles within the boundaries that was functional and healthy for all of us. He is such a super hyper extrovert, completely different to Calvin. I had no issues with getting along with Charles. Vincent struggled because he doesn’t have kids and had challenges bonding with Charles.

We had sunshine almost everyday in Sydney which meant one thing and one thing only. It was beach weather!

McDonald’s by the beach!

I finally climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge with Calvin and Charles. Vincent was too scared to do it! Chicken! Would you climb it with me?

Do you feel my happiness in this priceless photo? The safety procedures and equipment was well thought of due to the potential dangers of dropping anything onto the road below the bridge. We were not allowed to bring any personal belongings with us. My glassed were attached to my boiler suit with a sturdy strap. We were supplied with handkerchiefs attached to our boiler suits so they would not drop down onto the road. On our waist, we had a fleece attached to our boiler suit. It felt heavy and I looked like a worker cleaning windows high up in the sky! Haha

I had such a breathtaking time climbing the iconic bridge which left me in awe. The catwalk at the beginning was tight and claustrophobic for me. This was the most uncomfortable part of the climb. As soon as we were climbing up the steps going onto the bridge, it became so much easier.

It was nothing like hiking or going for a walk outdoors. It was most leisurely and slow. We stopped regularly to soak in the sun and sights. We got information from our guide about the specific history of each sight around the harbour. It was like a history lesson, only up high on the bridge.

Looking down onto the harbour and seeing the cruise ship being pulled out by a tiny boat was out of this world. We stood for around twenty minutes soaking up the sights when we reached the summit of the bridge.

We stopped three times to have our photos taken by our female guide who was friendly and chatty. We got the bonus of seeing the sun set because we were the last afternoon climbers. The sun disappeared at the blink of an eye and left me totally speechless. That’s not often! Haha

I saw Luna Park lit up in it’s glory when the sun set and it was stunning, beautiful and attractive. Before our descent, we stood for around ten to fifteen minutes to admire the early night sky. Looking down during the entire climb was exciting. I thought it would be scary and frightening to look down whilst climbing the bridge. How deceiving were my thoughts!

The descent was ten times faster than our climb because we didn’t stop. I was buzzing when we got our feet back onto the ground. I was super hyper and full of energy. I wanted to scream to the world that I had finally climbed Sydney Harbour Bridge to it’s summit!  When I told the locals that I had climbed the Harbour Bridge, they said I was crazy! My perspective on life has shifted so much since I climbed the Harbour Bridge and I finally ticked it off my bucket list! Woo Hoo! Well done me!

The rest of our stay in Sydney was fun, enjoyable and pleasant. I delivered a Toastmasters speech at Hurtsville. Vincent helped me to create slides and he operated my slides for me on the night because my clicker failed to work.

Vincent went back to work on the last Tuesday of our holiday. I took the boys to have lunch with him on Tuesday. It was great bonding time. Vincent took the last Thursday off to spend more time with us. We headed to Coogee Beach with the boys because that’s where they wanted to go. Calvin loves to dig sand at the beach whilst Charles does anything to keep himself entertained.

Our last Friday in Sydney was memorable for me because I got to meet Victoria, who is one of the only females at Vincent’s work. She was ever so chatty I could barely get a word in! Oh dear! I took Charles to Hyde Park for a walk before we went back to our Airbnb.  It took me less time than I thought to pack and I was surprised and shocked. We were almost at our limit for 60kg allowance and our carry on were also at their limit. We had bought lots of gifts and it drained our allowance. This is the most challenging part of packing.

I took the boys to Chinatown’s night market before we flew back to Hong Kong to drop Charles back home. Vincent met us at Chinatown. We had lots of fun and it was sweet memories we created that will be with me forever. I got an email from Emirates informing me of a possible upgrade to Business Class. When Calvin heard of this, he was super hyper and asked his Papa for an upgrade because it was a dream of his to fly Business Class with Emirates.

With a bit of coxing and persuading, Calvin got what he wanted and Vincent paid for our upgrade from Dubai to Glasgow. I was shocked and surprised that Vincent paid over £900 for our Business Class upgrade!  Calvin watched YouTube videos of Emirates Business Class flights almost the entire night.

Flying back to Hong Kong had it’s challenges because Charles and Vincent were both dilly dallying. Calvin and I were more than eager to get to the airport because we had fears of the scheduled airport sit in protests which heightened my emotions. I snapped at Vincent for having no sense of urgency to get to the airport. He just ignored me! So typical of him and his laid back attitude!

Our fair well was emotional as it always is. Boo! Calvin was more than ready to fly home and was super excited about his Business Class experience. The flight from Sydney to Hong Kong was challenging because Charles was noisy and chatty at the beginning until Calvin told him to be quiet and leave him alone. We were greeted with a flood of young people at Hong Kong Airport arrivals who were protesting when we landed. It was overwhelming and I felt claustrophobic!

I have never ever seen so many people at Hong Kong Airport. It was such a shock! At this point I was more than ready to fly home and I wished we could have boarded our flight back to Glasgow from here, after what I witnessed.

We stayed the night at my mother in law’s. Tina joined us at the airport and made sure we got our luggage kept overnight at airport. She paid for our light meal before we parted ways. Calvin and I headed for Hong Kong in the Express train. Rebecca was there to pick us up and take us to her mum’s. Mother in law was waiting for us to settle into her apartment. We settled for sleep after taking a shower. I woke up during the night to pee and woke up feeling hungry around 8am. We had breakfast with mother in law then we waited for lunch. This Sunday felt like a long day because I was more than ready to fly home.

After dinner with Vincent’s family at a nearby restaurant, we were escorted to the airport by Tina and Charles. Charles was attached to Calvin after their three weeks together in Sydney. When we got to the airport, the boys were hungry again. We had some snacks in an upstairs restaurant.

It was time to head to departures and bide our fair wells. I got a hug from Charles and Tina after asking for it and it was fun to get it! Hehe

Finally, after five weeks of living out of our suitcases, we were flying home and I felt an immediate sense of calm and relief. The uncertainties from the ongoing protests in Hong Kong instantly disappeared and I was happier.

I was shocked to see our Hong Kong to Dubai flight was less than half full. It could have been affected by the protests in Hong Kong. I got a sound three hours sleep on this flight when I settled in the row of seats in front of us because the row was empty. Calvin slept for around four hours.

Our Business Class flight was out of this world. The entire experience had Calvin grinning from ear to ear.

I got to stretch my legs out and lie flat to sleep which was much needed to rest my exhausted body. The humongous screen was amazing. The mini bar we had got topped up with drinks. Calvin was greeted “Sir” even at his tender age!   I was greeted “Madam”. What a massive difference Business Class makes. Can you imagine what First Class would have been like for Calvin?  We were both spoiled to no end. We got socks, eye masks, toothpaste, toothbrush, a mattress for our seats, unlimited drinks at the bar, snacks at the bar, both our meals were satisfying and more attractive than I could ever imagine. Only negative was our breakfast had no protein which was a huge disappointment because we got our protein in Economy. Calvin took drinks home from the mini bar and the tiny jar of jam from breakfast.

I slept for around three hours and Calvin slept for around the same time. It felt like a short flight because I didn’t have enough time to watch another movie. I could certainly fly from Dubai to Sydney in Business Class because I had no Restless Leg Syndrome on this flight. No surprises there eh!

I was so relieved to finally get back home and settle back into my Glasgow routine. However, I feel I am still catching up. I feel a huge part of me is still in Sydney soaking up the glorious sun because our weather this week has been cold and dull.

Our dad is in hospital. He had gall stones and had an operation today. I told mum by phone on Monday that I would NOT visit dad. Mum was alright about it. Last night mum called me and begged me to visit dad in hospital. I was full of anger and rage. I let out many years of pain, anger, resentment and put up a boundary with mum. I told her I would NOT visit dad because he had abused me enough. I told mum that I had been seeing a psychiatrist and I was in no fit state to see dad and be abused by him further. I told mum it was karma coming to bite dad because of how he treated you and me when we were in hospital. Mum agreed and let go of the issue.

How would you feel about visiting dad if you were still here with us?  How would you feel about not obliging to our family obligations? How would you feel to have a sick dad who doesn’t deserve your time and effort yet he is still our dad? Could you forgive dad and let go of your pain and visit dad in hospital?  I would support you no matter what decision you make because I got your back and will always support you!

My latest update for my dearest big brother

Dear big brother

How are you? Where have you been to lately? Are you enjoying your travel adventures?

Did I tell you in my last letter to you that we are almost there with the court decree? It has taken around twenty months of going back and forth to my lawyer’s office to get this far. I feel exhausted mentally,  physically and emotionally from all this drama. My lawyer sent me an email with an update on the situation, we shall get the decree within the next four weeks if everything goes smoothly. If not, we have more challenges and set backs to get through.

I have had an exceptionally challenging four weeks which started with my flu. I took two weekends off work and didn’t get sick pay which created more stress for me. Then one thing after another came at me at full speed. You know the saying “It never rains, it pours?”  I had a relaxing time staying at home to recover from flu and thoroughly enjoyed doing less.

On a particular Tuesday when I felt fit enough to catch up on my tasks, I had suicidal thoughts come through which was scary, frightening and daunting. I felt anxious and scared. It felt like my depression had came back. I think staying at home for more than seven days straight created anxiety for me because I am such an extrovert who needs to be surrounded by people in order to feel energised.

I shared this frightening experience with my hubby and he was ever so supportive, gentle and understanding. I wish he was here physically to be my rock because I was feeling vulnerable and weak. I wish you were here physically to help me around the home with chores. I miss your help at home. I miss our banter and laughter.

It’s this time of year that creates sadness for me because it is almost your fifth anniversary.

We went to the crematorium yesterday, in the glorious sunshine and it felt warm and calm. Mum was crazy as ever. She forgot to bring matches or a lighter with her and startled the taxi driver when she announced this as we were approaching the crematorium. We were asking around for either a lighter or matches and mum saw a couple smoking so we approached them and got their lighter to use.

I did something for the first time last night at Toastmasters. I delivered my Pathways Icebreaker with no props or visual aids. I previously struggled with this. However, I think participating in Table Topics (impromptu speaking) regularly at Toastmasters and making my YouTube videos has built up my confidence to have my hands free. What a breakthrough!   I felt exceedingly proud of myself and thoroughly enjoyed last night’s experience. I have finally developed the skills of having my hands free throughout a prepared speech to use them for more open hand gestures. I think this enhanced my speech last night. I did think about bringing the book “Friendfluence” into the speech as a prop. I decided to leave it out because it was not necessary nor did the content of the book have much of what I was covering in last night’s speech.

My speech evaluator Brett wrote in my printed Pathways evaluation form “Kit loves the stage”, I thought that was funny and definitely describes me to a tee! Hehe  Brett has mentioned, along with a number of fellow Toastmasters that I have exceptionally strong vocal variety. I think this comes from speaking Hakka as it is more high pitched than Cantonese or English. I think Brett is making excellent progress since he joined Toastmasters. I shall make a point of giving him my own feedback on his evaluation for my speech.

I think I have found my second home. The stage. I remember visiting a fortune teller whilst I was recovering from my depression. She said my career was on stage. I immediately thought of performing on stage such as acting or singing. Never did I thought I belonged on the stage as a public speaker! Haha

Can you imagine you joining Toastmasters where you have an eager audience to listen to you talk about your general knowledge which was your forte? That would blow their socks off! Haha   I would be showing you off to our fellow Toastmasters and tell them how proud I am of your general knowledge. Hehe

Here’s some photos of me from last night’s Pathways Icebreaker speech for you to admire! Hehe 

Nothing in my hands to allow me to use more hand gestures!

A rather blurry one yet this shows my confidence of using open hand gestures that I have developed and enhanced from participating in Table Topics and making all of those YouTube videos for my business!

This one is so funny because I look constipated here! Haha  It shows my facial expression and my body language which enhances my speech. My mentee Ian took these photos so thank you to him for his efforts!

This is all for now big brother. Enjoy your travel adventures and the food! Hehe

With lots of love from your one and only crazy loud and proud sister xxx

How do you define happiness

Hi my name is Kit (putting my left hand up), I think I am obsessed with happiness? Why? I have been through my fair share of aches, pains, challenges and struggles since I could remember my earliest memory. I have enough psychological scars from these life experiences which has drowned me most of my life. Therefore, I decided over seven years ago that I would be a happiness millionaire. Being wealthy to me doesn’t mean I need to be stinking filthy rich. Being wealthy to me means that I am happy. Being wealthy to me means that I am happy with whatever I have at the present moment. Being wealthy to me means I am happy because it is good for my health.

Happiness is subjective. Happiness is fleeting. Happiness comes and then it goes just as quick as lightening. Happiness to me is like a muscle that needs to be worked on each day, each week and each month. Happiness needs constant fuel. Happiness is something that requires your time, energy and attention.

On Thursday this week, I asked my fellow Toastmasters at our regular Table Topic session how they define happiness. The member who got the question answered it with a wide variety of valuable insights. She said at the beginning of her impromptu speech “Someone who is smiling doesn’t mean that they are happy. Someone who is not smile, doesn’t mean that they are not happy!”  I thought her answer was thought provoking and I learned from her intriguing answer.

From my personal experience with surrounding myself from people in different ages, backgrounds, cultures, different social status, different races, different religions, different gender orientation, different believes, etc etc you get what I mean by now……I have noticed that there are some people who do not experience happiness quite like the others. There seems to be a certain group of people, now I am not putting labels on these people here. I am sharing with you my observations about how different people handle their happiness.  What I want to share with you is this, some people are so damn focused on the tiny and minute details of their problems and they shall share these tiny and minute details with you that lasts en eternity and you fall asleep whilst they are still talking, yes believe me I have known such people and were friends with them, they just don’t seem to be able to handle happiness as well as the others. This particular group of people are what I call the “drama queens or drama addicts”. It is not their fault that these people behave in this way. It is how they were set up. It is how they were taught. It is how they were conditioned to behave. Sadly, these people do not have a place in my life any longer. Why?  I have no time, energy or attention to give to these people because they suck the happiness out of me. I become sick when I am surrounded by these people. Let’s just say that I am allergic to the “drama queens and drama addicts”. Therefore I keep them out of my life for good.

Since happiness is one of my priorities, I am mindful and aware of who I am friends with. After all, we do become a product of the first five people we spend the most time with. Therefore our friends do influence us in a way that can have a huge impact on our habits, our behaviours, our health and well being, our success, our happiness……need I go on?  I think not.

I know that having friends is vital to our overall health and well being. Yet I would rather have a handful of friends than friends that I cannot keep up with like the number of friends you have on your Facebook. I would rather spend time alone than spend it with a “drama queen or drama addict” because I want to keep my happiness intact. There are people whom I can only spend three minutes with. There are those whom I can only spend three hours with. If you are the lucky few whom I can spend three days with, you must be above average!  You must be able to laugh at yourself. You must be able to fool around with me, be childlike and crack a few jokes here and there. Otherwise I have no intentions whatsoever of being friends with you. Now there is no need to take this personally because you cannot possibly be every one’s friend.

How do you choose your friends? How happy are you with your current friends? When was the last time you checked in on your current friends as to:

1. Where do they have you heading?
2. What do they have you focusing on?
3.  What do they have you reading?
4. What do they have you listening to?
5. How do they support you to move forward and grow?

These are vital questions you must ask yourself regularly with your current friends in order to check in how you are doing with your friends.

The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the relationships we keep. Being an adult, we are fully responsible for choosing who we keep in our lives and who we limit our association with. Our happiness then is determined by the relationships we choose to keep. Imagine you are keeping a relationship that is dysfunctional and unhealthy for you. How do you expect your life to be functional and healthy when you are keeping such a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship in your life?  How do you expect to attract happy relationships to you when you are not happy with this particular relationship that you keep around you?

All it takes to destroy your happiness is for one poor choice of keeping a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship around you. You may not be aware of what a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship is. I didn’t until I read a few self help books on the subject. I suggest that you do your own research and read up on dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships.

I made an exceptionally tough choice a few years ago to let go of a number of friendships that were no longer serving me well. After I let go of these friends, I have a more peaceful and happier life, without the drama, without the boring details and I was ever so proud of myself for taking care of me. My happiness soared each day. I could finally focus on my happiness and keeping the level of happiness steady.

Life has a habit of throwing struggles and challenges your way now and again just to test you. I had an extremely unpleasant day on Tuesday. My happiness was nowhere to be seen. I felt anxious. I felt a deep sense of sadness and intense pain surging through my body. I felt overwhelmed by all of this that came out of the blue without warning. It almost took my life. At that particular moment I had an inner voice that was ever so dark I was petrified of it. I had no idea where it came from, why it was there and what triggered it. I  just knew that the inner voice was not me. I did everything I possibly could to kick that dark and evil thought out of me. Thank goodness I was mentally and emotionally strong other wise I may not be here today to write this.

Today was a much happier day for me. I went to our local park for a short walk. I took my time, soaking up everything there. I was mindful and aware of the sounds and smells, the flowers and trees, the falling leaves of different colours, the people and dogs, the breeze of wind swishing to and fro, I looked up at the sky, I look at the leaves on branches blowing in the lively wind, I saw mushrooms around an old tree. Some of those mushrooms had turned so black they looked like coal. I took some photos of these mushrooms because I was intrigued and fascinated by them.

I had thoroughly enjoyed this short fifteen minute walk. It was leisurely without me rushing to go anywhere, to do anything in particular and it was most enjoyable for me. I think I neglect to “smell the roses” when I am ever so rushed to complete my tasks and work obsessively on reaching for my goals.

I sat down to have steak pie with Cory and Calvin, my sons. I had a chat with them and that brought more happiness to me.

Next, I went to a large stationery store called Paperchase to indulge in my inner child’s stationery obsession. I browsed their latest collection and thoroughly enjoyed the customer service I received from a young girl who rescued me from not finding the large hardback journal I wanted for my daily journal-ing habit. She was eager to help me and offered me her full attention. I felt important and valued. To me, that’s how you keep your customers happy. When your customers feel important and valued, they shall keep shopping with you. That’s a win win and spreads joy to their customers.

Next on my agenda was to attend a Toastmasters meeting in the south side of my city. I was running late and was in a pickle. Hehe

The meeting was lacking some energy this evening. Nonetheless, I was enjoying it and laughed at some of the speeches. James was the funniest of them all. He can make his audience laugh at anything he says. He is comfortable with making a fool of himself. He is after all a champion who has won a number of speech contests. I could certainly learn some winning tips from just watching him. Hehe

The meeting ended more or less on time and I got to chat with some fellow members. The bonus of the evening was when I was offered a lift home by the president Will. Apparently, he lives close by where I live. That was excellent. In future, I could ask Will to drive me home after a meeting at his club to save me on travelling on two buses to get home.

I am feeling ever so happy I am grinning from ear to ear. Hehe

I know this happiness thing is fleeting and shall come and go as quick as a flash. Yet I define happiness as feeling comfortable with feeling the negative emotions and still be able to smile and spread the joy, happiness and love. I certainly managed to spread some joy, happiness and love today all because I chose to.

Thank you for my happy day full of joy, gratitude and love!

All it takes is just that moment of despair

Hello beautiful or handsome

My name is Kit. I am well known around my circle of influence for being loud and proud, crazy, weird, bold, eccentric, abnormal, unconventional, confident, has her shit together as the Americans would say sort of girl. People would look at me and probably say to themselves “Oh my! How I would do anything to be like her. She’s so confident with who and what she is. She is as real as real gets. She is as authentic as authentic gets. She is as genuine as genuine gets. Her energy is just contagious!”

What the majority of these people do not know or see are the daily struggles, hurdles, set backs, challenges and problems I have endured in my lifetime. I was born into a highly dysfunctional family system. Believe me, you definitely DO NOT want to be like me. Why? I don’t know where to begin because I could go on til the cows come home. I could write a fucking book about my struggles since I was born. I have mental illness in my dad’s side of the family. I was diagnosed with depression back in autumn 2008. My big brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 21 and he died very suddenly at the age of 42. People with schizophrenia are not expected to live to their old age.

Do you still want to be like me. I hope not!

In my culture, we do not speak what we mean or mean what we say. Why? It is a culture of “Don’t speak your mind because you are not allowed, you are going to upset people, you are blunt and would upset or offend others”. This has conditioned us to think and believe that we must follow this dysfunctional and unhealthy way of thinking. Another thing about my culture is the fact that we cannot handle the truth. We cannot handle anyone being straight forward, direct, speaks their mind and one who doesn’t waste their time in expressing to others who and what they authentically are below the surface.

You are highly unlikely to meet an authentic, transparent and honest person from my culture unless that person:  has gone through some struggles, transformation,  and or is comfortable with expressing their authentic self like my crazy mother and me.

I have been taught to hide my authentic self because: people will laugh at me if and when I say or do something out of the ordinary. People will laugh at me if and when I do not follow the crowd. People will laugh at me if and when I say something that was not supposed to be said. Keeping unexpressed thoughts and emotions inside our bodies creates physical illnesses and diseases. Denying ourselves of the freedom to express our thoughts and emotions is a slow way of destroying our physical and emotional health. We become sick physically that most of us are not aware of.

I don’t give a fuck if and when people laugh at me for whatever I say or do because their laughing at me does not create any harm to me whatsoever. My whole body is still intact. My whole being is still intact. My self esteem is still intact.

I do give a fuck about my emotional and physical health. I do give a fuck about who I keep around me because the quality of my life is determined by who I keep around me. I have family members whom I choose to spend a limited time with because their behaviours are far too toxic to spend any more than an hour or two and that’s giving them a bonus! Hehe

I was running around yesterday completing my errands after staying at home for nine days to recover from flu. I had a huge surge of destructive thoughts and negative emotions come through. I felt absolutely drained, weighed down and exhausted. I felt a heavy sense of pain and sadness in my body. I had some exceptionally dark and destructive thoughts come through at the moment of despair. I thought of ending my heavy sense of pain and sadness by killing myself. My depression and anxiety was for a moment, in control of my life. For that moment of despair, I could have ended my life there and then. How frightening was that? I immediately thought of why people commit suicide. I thought “This is why our society is ever so sick. We are told constantly to be strong, even during traumatic, heartbreaking and dramatic times for our heart. We put on this fake mask and tell everyone that we are strong, we have it all together, we are winners and we are actually crumpling inside. We are actually dying inside to tell someone, anyone, that we are not strong, we are not confident and we cannot have this fake mask on anymore. Yet we cannot do that either because we shall get laughed at, criticised, ridiculed, judged and shamed”.

Who cares what others think and say with regards to what we do with our lives? It’s none of our business to spend our valuable time, energy and attention on those who have nothing better to do with their boring lives other than judge and shame others.

 

We must all learn to keep our fucks for the much more important things and people in our lives as the author of this absolutely hilarious author wrote in this funny book full of humour. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I think everyone of us needs to read it too. I think we would all live a much “I don’t give a fuck about what you say or think about what I do with my life” life. Do you understand that? Why give people your valuable time, energy and attention when they don’t deserve it?

Let’s go back to my challenging afternoon. I spoke to two girls that I knew yesterday afternoon whilst doing those much needed errands. I felt much more energetic and happiness was coming through. Yet it didn’t last. Let me get to that later.

I had a great time last night at my Toastmasters club meeting. I was the Toastmaster for the evening, which is the MC to you. I always enjoy talking “on stage” at Toastmasters because I feel valued and important. This is because my audience gives me their full attention that I never get from my family. I was feeling tired from my ongoing cough and disturbed sleep at nights. My memory was weak and short. Yet I still thoroughly enjoyed the meeting. I felt ever so proud of myself for being poised, confident and I had my beautiful smile on for my audience.

When I was on the bus heading home, that’s when I had another episode of negative emotions come through my body. I felt teary and wanted to cry. I called my Aussie hubby and was crying on the phone whilst I told him my challenges from the day. He was extremely supportive, gentle and understanding. He knows of my emotional pains I have endured.

Have you ever heard of codependence? That’s me. I am a codependent. The majority of people in my culture are codependents. They were like me, neglected, abandoned and abused in their childhood. They are all carrying the physical and emotion scars and pains from their dysfunctional family systems. I cannot talk to my parents about my emotions because they don’t talk about theirs. They bury their emotions. This is why I have endured a lifetime of suffering. I had no emotional intelligence until I began working hard on myself over seven years ago. If I didn’t have a reasonable level of emotional intelligence and mental strength, guess what would have happened to me yesterday?  I would have killed myself. Then again, I would have killed myself years ago when I was going through a traumatic life experience. I think it was my mental strength that got me through that particular traumatic life experience.

Have you heard of this organisation, Codependents Anonymous? I attended weekly meetings with this organisation last year for over nine months. It was there that I learned how my suffering was created by my dysfunctional family and dysfunctional culture. I learned about the patterns of behaviours that codependents possess. I learned that I was denied of having my own way of thinking. I was denied of showing and expressing my emotions. I was denied the truth about what was happening: in my life, in my family and in my culture. I began to feel excruciating pain and immense anger. I felt I was just a useless child, not worthy of the people who were responsible for protecting me and keeping me safe, their unconditional love and respect. I felt a gargantuan amount of pain all over my body. It got to the point where I became sick straight after I got back to Hong Kong from my honeymoon last July. My flight back to Glasgow, Scotland was delayed for a few days for me to fully recover from my sickness before flying for over 16 hours. I got sick because my body was dealing with loads of unexpressed and unresolved emotions from learning about my dysfunctional family.

My moments of despair have been more than challenging. They have all helped me to become stronger. Yet what if someone who is going through struggles, challenges, set backs, dilemmas are not strong anymore and take their lives? What if their suffering and pain got too much for them at that particular moment of despair and they decided to end their life in order to end their suffering and pain? Let’s all face the truth. People do not want to end their lives during such moments of despair. They want their suffering and pain to end.

I think our families, schools, community, society, government and the world has failed people like me. They have neglected to educate us that: it’s ok not to be strong and have your shit together. It’s ok not to be up for going to work, looking after your children and even looking after yourself. It’s ok to not want to get out of bed and do whatever needs to be done. It’s ok to look like a ghost because you are sick. It’s ok to be sad and down. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to have depression and anxiety. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It is not my fault or your fault that you have depression, anxiety or any other challenges in your life that holds you back.

Update for my dearest big brother

 

Dear big brother

Look at what your little sister achieved last month whilst she was in Hong Kong? I finally got to visit a Toastmasters club in Hong Kong after two previous failed attempts!  I felt ever so proud of myself because I got myself there without any help from anyone. I asked for directions when I got out of the MTR station and the building for the Toastmasters meeting was only a few minutes from where I was. I had so much fun and learned a few things from this particular club that I shall share with my own club.

Please meet my mother in law’s sister who is seventh in the family. She is ever so energetic, enthusiastic, kind and generous. We clicked the first time we met in Hong Kong back in 2015, I think!? Haha   This energetic woman spoiled me when she took me to the bakers for some cakes for our train journey back to Hong Kong from Guangzhou where she lives. She insisted on buying something for mum and I allowed her to because it’s their tradition. We were there visiting my mother in law’s sisters and extended family for a day which was more than enough due to the intense heat and humidity which felt more powerful than Hong Kong. I don’t think you would have enjoyed the stay there because Cory, Calvin and I certainly didn’t!  The a/c was practically none-existent which made our stay far too sticky, hot and humid. Even the a/c in our hotel room was weak. The hotel room we stayed in was extravagant, luxurious and by far more spacious than you would ever find in Hong Kong. I felt like a celebrity staying in it for the one night! Haha

Look at the bathroom in the hotel!  It had a separate shower situated at the other corner of the bathroom!  You could easily make two bedrooms in this room! Or stand 40 people in it! Haha

Oh let me tell you something, getting to Guangzhou was full of challenges left, right and centre. I am put off from travelling there ever again. It was time and energy consuming just to get my China visa in place. The logistics took what felt like forever! Vincent, my awesome laidback hubby helped me with all the processes of applying for this visa which cost a fortune. He was much more laidback than me with his logical mind. I was feeling more than totally exhausted when we needed to walk here and there in the intense heat and humidity in Hong Kong. However, I am grateful that I got to experience Guangzhou and have more stories to share with people. Hehe

Let me tell you a few things about our Wan Chai Airbnb. The apartment by far is exceptionally spacious for Hong Kong property.  That was one of the reasons why I wanted it. Three bedrooms with two bathrooms which to me, is an added luxury and bonus. However, imagine how shocked I was to see that the en-suite was not as I had thought it to be!  Definitely not how en-suites are built here in Scotland!  It was ever so poorly built which meant whenever you peed or pooped in it, the smell would pass into the bedroom because it was not a fully separate room. I felt ever so uncomfortable pooping in the bathroom because it felt like pooping in our bedroom, that created more tension for my “travellers constipation”!  Yes, Google told me that there is and I do suffer from “travellers constipation!  How pleasant to know eh?  I took laxatives each day whilst in Hong Kong to combat my constipation. Anyway, back to this Airbnb, on the first night there, I was scared out of my knickers when I heard for the first time, in our bedroom that the building was shaking. I thought we were having an earthquake! Only it was the old and loud air conditioning unit making shaking and shuddering noises loudly at regular intervals. I couldn’t get a sound sleep each night and would sleep on the couch in the living room. The living room at night was much cooler than our bedroom. I didn’t feel the need to have the a/c on. It was so peaceful. Now, let me tell you about the wifi that was as troublesome as me! It was slow, weak and lacked power. Calvin would complain about it everyday. Charles and Calvin would regularly take the piss out of the weak wifi. They eventually found a clever solution to this. They searched for an internet cafe nearby. Charles took Cory and Calvin there one night. Then another morning after Charles stayed over, he took Calvin there as soon as they got out of bed, went to the same internet cafe and had lunch together before they came back to the Airbnb.

Do you understand what this notice is asking you to do?  I think it was translated using Google Translate! Haha   This notice was displayed in the bathroom that Cory and Calvin used in the apartment. They both told me on our first night that the hot water was scolding hot and the cold water fucking freezing cold! Ouch!

Cory spent most of his money he brought over on clothes, shoes, a new watch and a smaller suitcase to fit all of his Hong Kong purchases. He went shopping on his own most days. There were a few days that I joined him with Calvin and we had sushi in a shopping mall in Kuen Tong. Calvin thoroughly enjoyed the experience because it was his favourite sushi restaurant. He has become a sushi addict since last year when Charles got him into sushi.

Cory enjoyed having Charles around and they built a close bond. Charles talks to anyone and he’s an extrovert who has some talent in getting people to get along. Charles took Cory over to his part of Hong Kong, Sham Shui Po for some shopping but Cory was disappointed with the merchandise.

Look at how happy I was with mum. She came over to ours on the last night in Hong Kong so that we could all travel to the airport early next morning for our early morning flight back to Glasgow. We had dinner that night with my mother in law in Central. My sister in law Elsa and her hubby joined us. It was a pleasant dinner which was quite reasonably priced.

Do you like this photo? There was a small exhibition in Wan Chai. Vincent and I went exploring here on our own for us time.  It was quiet and didn’t impress Vincent at all. Hehe  Vincent and I got more us time this year because we had Cory in the apartment to be there for Calvin whenever we wanted to be on our own. We did less activities this year because I asked for more relaxing time instead of rushing here there and everywhere. I thoroughly enjoyed the more lazy and relaxed holiday this year.

 

 Did you ever get to taste this smelly as “pig’s shit” durian? I don’t remember seeing you eating it or remembering you talk about it. I bought this for the first time in Hong Kong at a stall near our apartment. It cost more than 300 HK dollars for this small lot yet well worth it because I deserve it. It tasted a lot sweeter than the durians we get in Glasgow. Vincent doesn’t like the smell of this smelly fruit yet he has, in the past, bought me the durian dessert with soy beans that’s smooth as a baby’s bottom. We had dessert in my favourite place called Auntie Sweet in Tin Hau. Cory, Calvin, Vincent and me, after dinner one night. Guess what dessert I ordered? Hehe

 

 

Look at what I spotted in the bookshop that was on the main road from our Airbnb?  I wanted to buy all of them! I could easily spend all day here. There were many English titled books! Hehe

Calvin didn’t want to go to Disneyland without Charles because Charles went to summer camp a few days before we were due to fly back to Glasgow. Calvin wasn’t disappointed as he was last year about not going to Disneyland. I think it’s because Calvin is becoming more mature. He enjoyed having Charles around at our Airbnb and that’s all that mattered to him. I could see that they thoroughly enjoyed spending time together no matter what it was they were doing. I am grateful that we have Charles to keep Calvin occupied.

I thoroughly enjoyed flying to and from Hong Kong with mum next to me. I asked her a number of questions about my childhood and she told me many stories about me, you, Tony, dad and our extended family. It was a much needed time to bond without dad there moaning, ranting and complaining. Hehe

What was most enjoyable about being in Hong Kong this year for me? I think it was:  flying back with mum and Cory which was a pleasant first experience even thought it had it’s challenges. Having Cory with us throughout the entire holiday which gave me lots of time to bond with him. Having dinner in Nam Wah Po with mum and her extended family was another pleasant first experience. Having dinner with cousin Chi Wing and his wife in Tai Po. Getting to meet my mother in law’s sisters and extended family in Guangzhou. Having quality bonding time with my awesome Aussie hubby. Last, was receiving all of our gifts from everyone. We were all totally spoiled. I am still reminiscing about all the good and happy times we all had even though being in the intense heat and humidity of Hong Kong was exhausting. There were so many first experiences for all of us. I want to do it all over again.

On a more sombre note, I missed you more when I was in Hong Kong because I know we would have had so much fun together going back to our birth place and exploring together. There’s a part of me who felt angry that this opportunity was taken away from me so soon!

I could tell you about this relaxing Hong Kong holiday all day yet I have tasks to complete. Hehe

Last, I want to tell you that I feel ever so blessed to have had this opportunity to bond with mum and Cory for the first time in Hong Kong. Bye for now big brother!

How do you ask for what you want from your partner

Relationships are the most challenging things us human beings deal with on a daily basis. No matter who we talk to, or surround ourselves with, we have a relationship with that person, even if it is a brief moment. I once heard from a personal development CD by Stephen Shapiro, “Poor quality relationships, poor quality of life”.  I had a gargantuan lump in my throat and intense pain in my heart when I heard those words. I felt that due to my dysfunctional family set up, I had poor relationships with my sons and my loved ones. I was exceptionally fortunate to have been introduced to personal development at a time when I was going through dark times. I needed help, not from a doctor or therapist. I needed help to teach me how I could have richer relationships with my loved ones instead of the painful ones I was having.

It has been an utmost painful journey of self development over the past six years and nine months to help me get more of what I want from life. My relationships with my loved ones are of a higher quality. They may not be where I want them to be, yet I am making consistent progress. I ask for my needs, wants and desires met.

At the beginning of this year, I asked for something for the very first time. That something materialised on Monday 12th March as I drove to the airport to pick up my awesome Aussie hubby. He flew over to Glasgow, Scotland from Sydney, Australia to celebrate my 46th birthday with me. I wanted to be spoiled rotten for my birthday by my Aussie hubby. I wanted the dinner, cinema, birthday cake and more.

How good are you at asking for what you want from your partner?  Do you leave it to dropping them hints here and there, in the hopes that they get your message? Do you leave it to their guessing what you like and dislike then hope for the best? Do you think that it is their responsibility to know what you want at any given time?  Nobody can read minds, thank fuck!   It would be an absolute nightmare if any of us could read others minds!  Let me tell you from my personal experience with relationships of any sort, if you don’t ask, you shall never ever receive. Simple!  Ask and you have a fifty fifty chance of getting what you want. That’s fifty per cent higher than you NOT asking.

I have become a master at asking for my needs, wants and desires to be met because I am deserving of all good things. One of the main problems people have with their limiting beliefs is: “Oh I don’t want to ask because it’s going to be too much trouble. I don’t want to put people out of their way.  I don’t want to be a pest. I don’t think they will like it if I asked.” This is how our limiting beliefs holds us back from getting what we want. We are talented at telling ourselves what we don’t want day in day out. What we think about and give our time and focus to, multiplies. Be exceptionally aware of this. It is how the law of attraction works.  How many of us know for certain of what it is that they do want and focus on it?

I received this birthday cake from my awesome Aussie hubby because I asked for it. I deserved it.

I realised that balloons was missing from my birthday. I asked a group of people who were sat next to me on my birthday dinner. The young man was celebrating his 21st birthday. I was thinking he would not mind giving me his balloons. I boldly stepped over to their table and asked for these balloons. They may not be pink. They may not have “Happy birthday Kit” on them. Yet they were good enough for me!

I asked hubby to go ten pin bowling with me. Here we were with Calvin and he had a ball!  Oops! Sorry for the pun, it was intended! Haha

For my birthday present, I asked for money from hubby to attend my second Toastmasters Conference in Cork, Ireland this May. I asked and I received.

For the ladies reading this, and men, never ever make assumptions that your partner or hubby/wife knows for sure of what you want without telling them. Never ever play this sort of game. It’s unhealthy, especially when you are disappointed because you failed to ask. Also, never ever drop hints here and there. They do at times, fail too. You want something from your partner, just ask. It is NOT rocket science to ask for what you want. You definitely don’t need a phd to ask for what you want. You just need to know what exactly you want with certainty. Go forth and ask. Ask and you shall receive!

Welcome to a winter wonderland of chaos

As we welcome the first day of March 2018, this is the snowy and beautiful scenery all over my city, Glasgow in Scotland today!

Yes I hear you say “Oh what beautiful snow!

I totally agree with you. I have always enjoyed the snow since I was a child. As an adult, it’s absolute chaos travelling in it.

Us Glaswegians have not had this much snow, approximately six inches, that’s six cans of Irn Bru stacked on top of one another height, for over eight years and more. Our City Council is ill equipped to handle this much snow and the crippling demands that comes with it. This means that our city has been a ghost city, grounded to a halt with no buses running yesterday after our Red Alert weather warning. Trains and flights are cancelled. Nurseries, schools, colleges and universities are all closed. Most shops and some shopping centres are closed. We are staying at home to stay safe from six inches of snow, the bitter wind and freezing cold.

I had an event with my fellow Toastmasters this afternoon that was cancelled and rescheduled for later this month. My smear test scheduled for this morning was also cancelled because my nurse was unable to get to her work. Nothing major and nobody died! Haha

Our motorways are sluggish and dangerous for drivers and their passengers. Disruption is all over the country and behind. My eldest son’s friend is stuck and stranded in France, unable to get his flight back to Glasgow. An Emirates flight, from Dubai was reported to have circled around Glasgow yesterday afternoon for over an hour, because our airport’s runway was being cleared of snow and ice. Thankfully it was finally able to land safely onto our airport’s tarmac.

There have been some unfortunate travellers stranded at Glasgow Airport going nowhere due to our snow. They have been taken care of by some generous staff and volunteers. However, the stranded passengers must feel absolutely exhausted and grumpy from whatever challenges they are facing.

I am extremely fortunate to have had no chaos in my travel plans because I had no plans to travel anywhere far from home. Haha

I can sympathise with those who were or are stuck and struggling to get to their destinations, especially those with health issues, children and any other issues that they are finding an exceptional struggle. It is in times like these that we must step back and be grateful for everything that we have. I have a roof over my head, with running water, heating, food and all the other basic necessities for my survival. The homeless are the ones who are struggling the most. Thankfully, Glaswegians are fantastic at stepping up during these toughest times to offer whatever they possibly can to help out those in need.

The above sight has not been around for me for over ten years or possibly more. I saw icicles on car’s front and back bumpers last night whilst I walked round the corner of home to get some grit from our local grit bin. The neighbourhood was like a ghost town. It was far too quiet for that time of the night (around 8.30pm).  I felt it was eerie to the point where I wondered if anyone was alive in Glasgow???

What challenges have you had to deal with due to adverse weather conditions? For me, it is being stuck at home with no adult interactions and unable to surround myself with people. I am an extrovert who gets energised from being around people. I was feeling bored, lonely and exhausted from having no people to surround myself with yesterday and again the exact same today.

I called my friend from Toastmasters for a chat and we organised to meet up on Sunday to celebrate our two years of committing to Toastmasters. That excites me superbly! Hehe

Walking in fresh snow this morning felt rather tranquil and relaxing.  The streets were dead and as quiet as a mouse. The one major struggle was the bitter cold and freezing wind! I didn’t die walking to and from my doctor’s surgery to have my smear test which was cancelled. I felt energised from my ten minute walk! Hehe

Glasgow City Council has announced that their nurseries and schools shall remain closed tomorrow, Friday 2nd March. How likely am I to get into work tomorrow? I miss the adult interactions so much I am becoming grumpier as the minute ticks by. I may murder someone due to my boredom! Haha

I wonder how long our snow is planning on staying with us? The white layer of fluffy stuff does look beautiful yet we must continue to get to their work and children need to get back to school as soon as possible for our sanity and peace! Haha

Meanwhile, here’s my last photo I want to share with you!

Happy first day of March 2018 to you all! Hehe

How do you make decisions when you are stuck and indecisive?

When was the last time you were stuck with making an important decision? What a huge dilemma!!!

I am rarely indecisive because I am self assured and go with the flow…….why? I am a doer!  I do things, I make things happen, without thinking of the consequences at all…….which has it’s pros and cons. I rarely think of the consequences of my actions because I rarely think at all!!  That is who and what I am. When I do think, I get drained by all the details, the specifics, the what if’s and but’s and it totally sucks the happiness out of me. I think I am allergic to the negatives of thinking……of the consequences. Of all the what if’s and but’s that comes through my head. Why think so much and spend so much of my valuable time thinking when I could be doing, of being productive and getting results? Although the results may not be ideal and productive, I think one learns from doing ten times more than thinking!

My Aussie hubby tells me that I suffer the consequences of NOT planning the details and specifics of my plans in advance, which has detrimental consequences to my well being and health. He said I am missing out on stuff and things which has been a disadvantage, in his opinion. I do understand his point of view. Yet, how many times have I did something without thinking too much into it and learned from my mistakes than planning it to the last minute detail and coming up with all the irrational fears of “What if this happens and what if that happens” which only creates irrational fears for me to think about?

Missing out on stuff and things can be a disadvantage?  Yes and no. I think I would miss out ten times more from not taking action due to my irrational fears of the “What if’s and but’s” than I would from planning my actions to the tiniest little detail. To argue this point, there are times when it is totally vital and imperative to planning everything in minute detail, such as flying to a destination where we need our passport, travel insurance and all the other essentials necessary to enjoy our holiday. Minimise all potential risks and mistakes for a stress free holiday is my motto since I have gained much more experience and knowledge of travelling from flying since 2012.

I have a gargantuan issue with time. I was the caretaker in my family, taking care of everyone else other than myself. My needs, wants and desires were abandoned, neglected and dismissed. Due to this being a colossal part of my life until I decided to become a single mother and set myself free from my unfulfilled marriage, I never had the freedom to be my true authentic self. I never had the freedom to make mistakes, make decisions for myself and my life. Life is about trial and error. How do we know when a decision is the wrong or inappropriate one when we never make mistakes? How do we learn from life when we never make any mistakes? Not making a decision is still making a decision. The decision to procrastinate. Procrastination is the killer to progress and fulfillment in life.

I think the biggest difference in the thinkers and doers is the obvious one which is: thinkers think of all the things that could and would go wrong when making a decision because they are in their heads 90% of the time, whilst the doers are exactly the opposite. They are doing and taking action 90% of the time. Yes they make more mistakes than the thinkers, why?  They are the ones who are comfortable with making mistakes, again and again!  They learn more effectively from their mistakes than sitting and thinking of all the “What if’s and but’s” or as my Aussie hubby says “The consequences”!

Fuck the consequences because there are consequences to every little or big decision that we make. Our decision could be fool proof. It could be what we think is the perfect decision. It could be what we think “Nothing could go wrong” or “I have minimised all the possible things that could ever go wrong”. How much time is required to minimise all the possible things that could go wrong with any important decision we make? By the time a thinker has thought of all the actions they could take to minimise all of the possible things that could go wrong, I have already completed that same task.

Mistakes are deadly to thinkers 90% more than the doers. Doers are more comfortable with taking risks. Even the higher risks. Maybe one could argue that the doers are far too hasty, irrational and dysfunctional. Maybe they are right. I am certainly irrational when it comes to making decisions. I make my decisions based on my feelings. There is no rational thinking with me because I am ever so connected with my feelings. However, last night, I was faced with such a colossal dilemma with an important decision, I asked for the opinion of my middle son who was available (which is exceptionally rare) and my Aussie hubby in order to get their opinion and perspective. I wanted to have more information and details, which drains me and it was vital for my decision. I was amazed at my decision to get others’ opinions and perspective which is exceedingly out of my character. I was highly proud of myself for NOT making a hasty and rushed decision where the high risks could have cost me unnecessary ill health and negative emotions.

I think Jim Rohn has taught me well, exceptionally. He taught me that whenever I am faced with difficulties with making an important decision, to get pen and paper out. to write out what my issue is, write out my possible solutions, write out the pros and cons to each solution that I could possibly think of. This works for me. Thank goodness!