In my culture, being self sufficient shows strength of character and asking for help from others is seen as a sign of weakness. What are your thoughts on this matter?


Is it such a bad thing to ask for help? Is it such a bad thing to be weak? I remember needing help from my big brother when I gave birth to my third child and my then mother-in-law made a comment “if you can’t manage on your own, you shouldn’t have another child”!  She is entitled to express her own opinion yet it was merely her mentality and mind set that she grew up with.

In my culture, a weakness exposed means others takes advantage of it and the weak person is shamed. Therefore, people hide their weaknesses and never set themselves free of toxic shame.

There are certain things and many of them in life that requires the help of others. Those who are successful are never shy of asking for help because they know that they are only able to complete their tasks, get what they want and achieve their goals by asking for help.

Toxic shame says we shouldn’t say this or do this and that because nobody does it! We get laughed at for saying something that nobody says. We get laughed at for doing something nobody else does.

I remember my dad telling my youngest son Calvin, on a number of occasions not to say this or do that because he shall get laughed at. That is toxic shame which was passed onto him from his set up and he is passing it onto my son.

Do we become prisoners of what others think of what we say and do in order to avoid being shamed? Do we tread on eggshells in order to be free of being shamed?

A see a huge number of people in my culture are being prisoners of others opinions of them and never get what they want from life. Why?

I am grateful that I had the support and help from my sweetheart to be able to have the tools to learn to set myself free from toxic shame. Living  the life that I want for myself and NOT what others expect of me has been my biggest achievement on a personal level.