connection for intimacy

What keeps your romantic relationship strong? What efforts do you invest into your romantic relationship? What could you do to improve on your romantic relationship?

I have been in a long distance relationship since February 2014 and building intimacy through a screen as we chat each day has been one of the most challenging things we do yet it is absolutely necessary.

Why is it necessary to build intimacy? Without intimacy, our relationship would have died well before now, where we are connected and that gives us a solid foundation for our LDR aka long distance relationship.

Some people think that long distance relationships never work yet it is due to the lack of personal development in them, for them to have such a conclusion.

The majority of us do not know what it takes to make a relationship work as we were never taught from our parents. If our parents had no intimacy in their relationship,  it is highly unlikely that we shall have intimacy in our romantic relationships, unless we work hard on ourselves to build intimacy with our self first. Then we are equipped with the necessary skills to create intimacy in our romantic relationship.

It has been said that the way a couple interact with each other shall determine whether their relationship shall last or not. I am very aware of this fact as I observe how my parents have interacted with each other since I was a child.

They rarely listen to each other with the intent to understand. There is no intimacy, only intensity. There is no mutual respect or acceptance of each other. There is no words of support, recognition, encouragement, understanding and love in their relationship.

Listen to how a couple talks to each other and we can pick up on so much about their relationship.

Intimacy is not merely physical as we have been misled to believe from our society, our culture, our set up, our peers, our past relationships and without the curiosity to learn how to build intimacy, we shall never get it.

I never had true intimacy in any of my romantic relationships until I began to work hard on myself when I embarked on my journey with self development in June 2011.

What a transformation this phenomenal journey of personal development has been for me!

I shifted from a critical, judgemental, toxic and nagging female to a funny, intelligent, attractive and crazy lass full of fun! My sweetheart fell hard for my ability to have fun wherever I go, whoever I am with and that is what keeps our LDR going strong.

We may not have the physical intimacy most couples have, who are physically closer, yet due to our long distance, we cherish the minutes we do get to share with each other through a screen. We talk to each other with the intent to understand where each of us is coming from. We agree to disagree. We compromise. We do whatever we possibly can, with whatever we have, to make the other feel loved, valued and important.

We have had our fair share of conflicts due to the lack of physical intimacy yet we are more than capable of resolving our challenges. It is through these challenges where we learn more about each other and our love for each other grows.

We connect through active listening and talking with the intent to understand each other. We give each other the space to express our thoughts and emotions. We use all the tools available to us to help us to connect and feel the love deepen and grow.

We pull the weeds in our garden of love as much as we possibly can to nurture our relationship. We have movie nights where we feel we are in the same room watching our movie together and we are laughing so much, we pee our pants! Haha

We get mushy, sweet and thoroughly enjoy the moment of staring into each other’s eyes and say nothing. We connect through our hearts. We express our emotions and allow them all,  good and bad to come through.  We acknowledge each other’s emotions as they come through. We never deny each other of our right to our emotions as they are merely vistiors telling us we are disconnected with our heart. We feel comfortable with exposing our weaknesses, flaws and vulnerabilities with each other.

We always put fun into our relationship and the banter is so crazy, loud and out of control. We seem so crazy yet it is a vital ingredient to maintaining our relationship so that it grows from strength to strength!

How connected are you in your romantic relationship?