Wednesday 23 December 2015

The schools that I had attended taught me how to pass exams yet they never taught me what I taught myself in the last four years that have been more valuable to me than learning algebra, trigonometry and history which I found so boring. I was dead inside whenever I had these classes! Why did I need to learn these boring subjects at school I had asked myself? What value are they going to add to my life later on?  How do I retain the information I had learned from these dull subjects and use them in my later life?

My parents taught me very little about how to get the most out of my life due to their lack of insight, knowledge, wisdom, love and curiosity for me to learn to become a better person. They were never the affectionate type who showed their love. I came from an extremely dysfunctional family which created so much ill health and it destroyed my self worth. I was taking care of my own needs at the age of ten when my mother became pregnant with her third child. I was abandoned after my younger brother Tony was born. So my needs were never met by my parents other than the bare necessities: food, water, clothes, shoes, eduction, shelter and medical care.

I learned how to see my own doctor and get medicine when I fell ill from aged ten. I was going to the dentist on my own from aged twelve. I bought our new carpets at aged nine with my mum who paid for them. I took my mum to all of her anti natal appointments to be her interpreter at aged ten and needed to take time off school. I was taking care of myself, my parents and Tony yet my own needs were only met by me, the child who needed her parents to take care of her. I felt lonely and alone, unloved and unwanted yet I knew I was capable of taking care of me because I was strong willed from being brought up by a very bold, loud, confident and mostly fearless mother.

However, somewhere along the journey with life, I lost that boldness I once had. I lost my authentic self who was assertive, confident, positive,  enthusiastic, bubbly, chidlike, fun to be around and attractive. I struggled with an unfulfilled marriage and was desperate to get out of it. Yet, with no money to my name that would allow me to move forwards and no reliable support from my parents due to our culture, I was stuck. I was sick from being tied down and I felt locked up in a huge cage with no freedom to be who I was born to be. I was losing myself each day and something happened that helped me to “escape”!

That was back in December 2007 and how far I have come since then has amazed myself and others. I have become so much more capable and assertive, by gaining more confidence each day as I continue to make consistent progress for personal growth and happiness. I step out of my comfort zone nowadays to grow. I take calculated risks to get more out of my life. I am open to new opportunities for learning and life experiences. I have long term and short term “smart” goals to achieve. I have a vision for my ideal life, career and love life.

So how did all this happen? How did I make so much progress? How did I turn my life around? Well, I took charge of my life and no longer lived as a “victim” to circumstances. I no longer blamed other’s for what happened to my life. I learnt that everything that happened to me, was my responsibility, not my parents, not my siblings, not my ex husband, not my friends or colleagues. I had become a toxic person from being surrounded by toxic people. So I put up clear boundaries by removing toxic friends and boyfriend, limiting my time I spent with toxic members of my family and then, and only then could I focus with much clarity on achieving my goals.

I attracted my ideal partner after losing my big brother from a very sudden death. I probably would have lost myself all over again and got into a deep depression if I had not been introduced to personal development where I made great progress. The time, money and effort I had invested into my future is definitely paying off.  I flew to Sydney and Hong Kong with my ten year old son to fulfill my dreams this summer. I stepped out of my comfort zone once again and I came home with a totally different prospective to life and what I wanted for myself was even more clear now. The magical adventure allowed me to grow even more and my ten year old son grew as much as me and we both picked up the “travel bug”!

Our next destination is Tokyo and I have made our vision board which has a pride of place on my bedroom wall! I also made our vision board for our Sydney dream home that’s hanging up across from my bed so that I can visualise our magical life in Sydney as soon as I awake each morning. What an amazing year we have had!

I have so many stories to tell from my life’s experiences that’s more valuable than any materialistic purchase anyone makes. I am ever so grateful to be introduced to personal development back in June 2011 by my cousin Denny at a business opportunity. I learned from reading many self help books and other non fiction books what I was never taught at school or by my parents. I am enhancing my life with much knowledge and life experiences that shall serve me well into so many riches.

My relationships with my three sons has become much happier and we love to banter and laugh together. It is such a huge difference from what our lives was like back in 2007. My relationship with myself is at peace and I have learned to love everything about me, warts and all. I am no longer haunted by my past of abandonment and abuse. I am very much aware of what I give out to others is what I attract, multiplied. I have become more compassion towards myself and others. I have a better understanding of why people do what they do. I have more to give out in positivity and generosity. I am attracting everything I want into my life because I have become an attractive person. All the hard work of working hard on myself has been a huge bonus to have all that I now possess.

I may not live in a luxurious home or drive the flashiest car or own designer labels, I may not have billions to my name yet I feel richer than a billionaire! I practice gratitude each day by writing in my gratitude journal. I am ever so thankful to all the people that came into my life who are no longer in it because they taught me who I never want to become. I am learning something new each day, week, month and year because every day is a school day for me. I never allow a day go by without learning something. I have become more productive with my valuable time and I am aware of what I give my attention, focus and energy to as this becomes a part of me.

I no longer get stressed out over trivial things or anything that no longer serves me well. I no longer get caught up in drama and gossip. I stopped watching the news over four years ago because it is toxic and sucks the happiness out of me. It creates fear and stops people from getting the most out of their lives.

I make time to have fun with my inner child and inner teenager because they matter and they deserve my time. I make time to have fun with my sons as we banter and have a great laugh. We love to be childlike and silliness is a great ingredient to a happy home. I also make time to have fun with my ideal partner because it is important to our relationship. Life is meant to be fun so that’s one of my goals in life. When one is having fun, one is giving out joy to others and money could never buy joy!

Oh btw I have yet to make use of the algebra, trigonometry and history that I learned from school and put them to use in my daily life! Haha